ALT Facts – But Seriously…

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In the spirit of pending April Fools, we decided to go the opposite direction with our ALTernative Facts column and actually invented none of this information…

He’ll Be Back

In a scene that might have been lifted from the outtakes of the movie Idiocracy, the man Trump picked to succeed him on “Celebrity Apprentice,” Arnold Schwarzenegger, is following up his gubernatorial career by returning to movies – and releasing spoilers. In what may have been a time-hop from April First, the original Terminator claimed at a press conference that he would star in the next film in that franchise, as a robot sent back to 2019 to break Trump out of jail. He will also soon be taking part in the sequel to his Danny DeVito-costarring film Twins. This one will be Triplets, with Eddie Murphy as their long-lost third brother. Really.

Trump International

Mexico heads for the safe side of the border, its president blowing off a meeting with the US pres after El Trumpo made heated suggestions about his pending wall between the countries. Meanwhile, the orange orangutan in the oval office (OOOO) may be setting up an historic meeting – the first for a sitting president – with North Korea (no date is set yet, nor has the corsage been purchased, but it’s still closer than anything has been in decades to a sit-down). Is this a strange embodiment of the maxim to “keep your enemies closer?” Although, we don’t think that saying includes anything about unnecessarily alienating your friends. We should probably be grateful, on another front, that OOOO and China aren’t closer, though. We wouldn’t want them to teach him that “ruler for life” trick they just pulled, yanking Xi Jinping’s term limits.

ADA Hobbled

And RI is representing on the national stage, where congress is cutting the legs out from under part of the ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act). Congressman Jim Langevin (D RI), co-chair of the Bipartisan Disabilities Caucus and the first quadriplegic elected to Congress, voted against a bill that would allow establishments three months to address any ADA-related complaints. “This bill reverses decades of progress by undercutting our ability to assert our rights … Businesses should not be encouraged to ignore the law until someone complains, which is exactly what this legislation does,” Langevin says in a statement.

Three months to address (not, necessarily, fix) an issue certainly feels true to the Trump era, and also could set a dangerous precedent. Imagine returning cold food at a restaurant – and waiting three months to get a replacement meal. Or reading an article you strongly disagree with, and being required to wait three months to respond with a letter to the editor. Or to rage about it on social media. Although, perhaps, a three-minute thinking pause might occasionally help with that last scenario. For more about the ADA check langevin.house.gov

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