1. It looks like a human liver that’s been rotated 90 degrees
2. Its national anthem is impossible to pronounce (try it, go on, try saying “Nunarput Utoqqarsuanngoravit”).
3. We should really try buying Ireland instead … or maybe some hot dogs.
4. Winter is coming, and that’s gonna be a bitch.
5. There are no Del’s there, or Walt’s, and apparently no ‘Gansett, either.
6. Canada is in the way.
7. Icebergs.
8. Skinny dipping means frostbite on your wedding vegetables.
9. IT’S NOT OURS TO BUY.
10. Also… IT’S NOT OURS TO BUY.
Spice Up Your Life
Well, this one was too easy. Sean Spicer recently announced his intention to appear on “Dancing with the Stars;” a boring-ass piece of drivel where C-List celebrities (I’ll be on there soon) learn how to dance with sexy professionals in sparkly Lycra. It’s basically porn for middle-aged women furiously sucking on cough drops … but I digress. Yes, old Seanie boy has taken a step up from first pitch duties at the Pawtucket TreasonSox, and will soon be twerking his porcine twerkbox in front of flustered grannies across the nation. Rumor has it that this foray into the creative arts is just the first in many leaps toward superstardom. According to those in the know, the former Trump press secretary harbors a secret goal of permanently ousting flaky self-promoter Gerri Halliwell from the Spice Girls, and making the whole thing a ’90s pop fantasy all his own. Cheeky little bastard!
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