Phillipe & Jorge’s Cool, Cool World: In a New York Minute: Gigi claims no DC ambition, but your superior correspondents aren’t so sure

Gigi Does New York

Phillipe and Jorge will be presumptuous enough to assume that most of you missed the feature cum profile of our own head honcho, Gigi Raimondo, in the January 27 edition of The New York Times in its excellent “Sunday Review” section. It was by columnist Frank Bruni, who owns the coveted page three space in the review, and does a reasonable job with it week-to-week.

In a piece titled “The Loneliness of the Moderate Democrat,” Bruni got his info by coming to Rhody and having a meal with Gigi of pizza and eggplant parmigiana. What, no Capital Grille?

At any rate, Bruni’s first two sentences were, “I did it. I found a significantly accomplished, defensibly qualified Democrat who isn’t flirting with — and hasn’t fantasized about — a presidential run in 2020.”

Uh, Frank, puh-leeze! Pull your head in a bit, and listen up. Gigi is nakedly ambitious about moving up the government food chain as fast as she can. Otherwise it’s back to capital investment and screwing whoever you can out of big bucks. Unfortunately for the governor, that may be the last title she ever holds in Little Rhody, as she is term limited, and saying sayonara after 2020. And a significant roadblock to higher office is composed of US senators Jack Reed and Sheldon Whitehouse. Neither of that duo look ready to step down and are fit and youthful enough to hopefully avoid “takin’ a hot” in the near future. But should some Dem take a nosedive in the very early presidential primaries in 2024, don’t be shocked to see someone throw her name into the mix.

Bruni’s column was pretty lightweight, trotting out a list of Raimondo’s accomplishments in office (and truth tell, there are plenty), but only mentioning the UHIP fiasco on the con side of the ledger. Cooler and Warmer’s lead balloon would have been nice to mention, since the designers were from New York, or how she busted up pensions while feeding her hedge fund friends on Wall Street plenty of money from Biggest Little investments.

We guess Gigi was delighted by the glowing piece, as she has a fascination with anything New York — the big city where every one is smarter and more creative. That mindset should have been shattered by now, so enjoy the momentary spotlight and get ready for your summertime photo-op on the beach with the family to show you are an environmentalist.

Post-Pats Comedown

Phillipe and Jorge go to press on the Friday prior to the Soopah Bowl, so any predictions we make are too little, too late (and probably too wrong). But suffice it to say that if the Pats lost, Jorge would have been hiding the razor blades from Phillipe post-game. And if they won, we would be strutting around with an arrogant hauteur that would scream, “Well, what did you expect?” and exaggerate our high position in sporting society by being able to look over walls, tease people and brush them aside as though they were matchsticks. (Credit for that line to the Bonzo Dog Band’s Mr. Apollo.)

Ad Schlock

While the TV ads by Big Pharma products constantly crash over us like the waves at Narragansett Beach, some of their incredible (and alarming) statements, with voiceover rushed through hoping to be confused with background music, make us both cringe and laugh.

The first one that got our attention was reeling off a list of a drug’s side effects (and this is true for more than one product), which includes “death.” We’re sorry, but anything that carries the risk of dying isn’t going to find a welcome home in P&J’s medicine cabinet. Are you kidding us? You might die if you take this, but c’mon, pony up some bucks so you can run along the beach, play with your kids or improve your bedroom performance, no probs. At least until you die.

Our new advertising bête noir is again in how you might be afflicted if you toss down a couple capsules. It says, “Do not take this if you are allergic to [insert drug name here].” Pardon P&J for asking, but how the hell do we know if we’re allergic to something unless we take it? Maybe Big Pharma is content with at least the consumer making some purchase before they pop their clogs after a single dose, but the mind-numbing stupidity of that “please be careful, we care for you” faux tone is so logically insane it’s off the charts.

Oh, well. Go take a Xanax; you’ll feel better.

Hail GEICO

GEICO insurance has proven to be the best marketer by a long run in its advertising strategy and the ads themselves. Instead of being hit with the same ads for personal injury attorneys within the span of a half hour show that make you want to shoot out the TV, GEICO is constantly dealing a new hand, most of which are fun to watch. Farmer’s, The General and Liberty Mutual are trying their best, but simply can’t keep up with GEICO’s fast roll-em-over variety packs.

And kudos for GEICO for recently bringing back ads from the past in a semi-viewer competition that not only showcases the retro ads, but gives people the chance to vote for something, which draws in half the planet. (See: “American Idol” and all the cheesy, obnoxious and phony sing/dance/perform shows that have jumped into Idol’s footsteps, with millions of “people’s choice” voting suckaroos.)

But a special shout out to GEICO for reminding us of the famous “Hump Day” camel commercial, which still makes P&J laugh out loud.

No New Business Plans

Just a cursory glance at a copy of The BlowJo any given day in the past few weeks gives P&J the impression that our Cool, Cool World is rapidly morphing into a completely crazed world. Your superior correspondents pledge, however, not to open our own hatchet throwing tavern in the Biggest Little anytime soon. This is not because we’re a bit short on the start-up cash (which is true) but because we prefer miniature golf.
RIP
 
Phillipe & Jorge were saddened to learn on February 1 that the wonderful Vo Dilun-based singer and pianist Debra Mann had passed away. Our deepest condolences to her family and many friends. She was a wonderful person, much loved by all who knew her.

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