Phillipe & Jorge’s Cool, Cool World: The Walking Dead, Sports Matter and Keeping Our Hands to Ourselves

Village of the Damned

As our childish, lip-pursing President Tweetybird continues to fill in his top echelon of advisors and Cabinet members with people chosen from a casting call of incompetents, Phillipe and Jorge are becoming alarmed at the way these people look. That is to say, if you saw them coming toward you on the sidewalk, you would either cross the street or avert your eyes until they passed.

Veep Mike Pence has simply dead black holes for eyes, and looks like he would either blow your head off — or his own — without a flicker of emotion beforehand. Very scary.

Many others simply look like zombies. These include boy idiot Jared Kushner, always seated behind the Orange Orangutan looking like he doesn’t understand a word that’s being said; and his fatuous and tasteless wife, Ivanka the Terrible, whose normal vacant expression makes runway fashion models look emotionally animated. At least the departed Steve Bannon looked human, even if it was like a deranged alcoholic. And let’s not even talk about Kellyanne Conway.

Some Trumpsters don’t come across as cyborgs. Inbred little cracker Attorney General Jeff Sessions looks like a poisonous, insane dwarf who is prepared to bite the leg of anyone who comes near him. And as someone once described her, press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders reminds you of the angry woman behind you in the checkout line at Walmart, and P&J might add, who hasn’t bathed or changed her undergarments in four days.

And we shouldn’t even bring up the Donald’s sons Beavis and Butthead, who have obviously been preparing for their attempts to look imperious in front of their mirrors, which in Trump households probably take up 80% of the wall space. But again, eyes as dead as you would see on the products in a fish market.

Next week: What happens when these walking dead open their mouths.

Why Sports Matter

Almost anyone who has been involved in sports of some sort knows that athletics can sort out a lot of problems. Racism, to name but one, because not only do you have to play with and against players of different colors, backgrounds and views, but you quickly realize that when you are sizing up your opponent — or depending upon a teammate for a unified effort — it doesn’t matter a whit what color they are, where they came from or for whom they voted.

But one of the more amazing things that has happened in major sports since 2000 is the way karma pops up, and in a good way, with teams winning after major tragic incidents in their cities. It is as though the sheer will of the team and its supporters to fight back from disaster carries a club to glory.

Most recently we have seen this with World Series winners the Houston Astros. Now, most people in the east didn’t really give a rat’s ass about the Astros playing the LA Dodgers in the series, except to root against the Dodgers for the simple reason they are from Los Angeles. But the Astros carried the Houston banner to victory as their city was still recovering from the devastating aftermath of a massive hurricane. And you can bet that gave everyone down there a much-needed boost, whether they followed baseball or not. Civic pride, amigos.

It has happened before. In 2001, after 9/11, the Yankees made it to the World Series, only to lose in game 7. But it helped restore pride and good vibes to the Big Apple. It may also be the only time in modern history most Americans were actually rooting for the Evil Empire to win to help salve the wounds.

To a lesser degree, when the New Orleans Saints won the Super Bowl in 2009 as the city was still recovering from Hurricane Katrina three years earlier, it had people all over NOLA, even ones who didn’t know star QB Drew Brees from Drew Barrymore, celebrating and yelling their signature cry, “Who dat? Who dat? Who dat say dey gonna beat dem Saints?” If you don’t think that mattered to the citizens down there big-time, ask one.

Finally, locally we had the Boston Marathon bombing that horrified the city and everywhere light years beyond in 2013. But ignited by “Boston Strong” and the Boston Red Sox’s “Big Papi” Ortiz’s defiant speech to the crowd at Fenway Park shortly afterward, with the famous and fiery line, “This is our fucking city!” the Sox improbably went on to win the World Series. No better way to send a message that this is one place that ain’t never giving in to nobody. Mofo.

It’s karma, and its wonderful, kids. And salud to Houston and their Astros.

Well Past Time for Change

We’re Trying

Phillipe and Jorge are as angry, embarrassed and sad to see where America has been heading for the past year under the worst president and political leadership in history. It makes it awfully hard to wring some humor out of everything surrounding this massive dumpster fire. But we’re trying our best, so bear with us. As the saying goes, “It will all be good when it’s over. And if it’s not good, it’s not over.”