Philippe & Jorge’s Cool, Cool World: Dispatches from the Boom Boom Room: Your superior correspondents laugh to keep from crying

altIn the Worst Way

It is quite embarrassing to admit, but P&J turned off the televised Senate Judicial Committee’s flamboyant hearings this week. Brett Kavanaugh is a mildly qualified GOP arse-licker designated to be a right wing plant in the Supreme Court. But P&J fear Kavanaugh as much as we did current Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts. Both have that look of a mommy‘s boy, forced to go to church on Sunday, but only after Mommy put some water or Brylcreem on their hair so she could make a straight part.

But Kavanaugh couldn’t possibly be that kind of guy. Consider the high standards he set by dragging his wife into it, who claimed she never once saw her hubby as a sexual predator, which is easy to admit publicly after the velvet-lined handcuffs are safely stowed away.

The punch line? Kavanaugh claims he was a virgin until after he graduated law school (read 22+ years old). Sorry, we are not buying that, but nice try. And how many men did your wife nail before you, Boy Scout?

As the ancient story goes, an embarrassed guy walks into his doctor‘s office and tells him that he thinks due to the physical evidence his friend saw in his genitalia that he might have an STD. To which the doctor responds, “Well, let’s take your friend out and have a look at him.”

Ba-boom!

On His Throne

Despite how appalling and abhorrent President Big Baby is, Phillipe and Jorge can sometimes get an eye-rolling, grimace cum chuckle out of what an incredible a-hole our commander-in-chief can be.

One thing we have always enjoyed is watching photo-op news clips on TV where the Orange Orangutan is shown sitting down. Take a good look — it always seems he’s squatting as if on a toilet. Since the bulk of The Donald’s deep thinking must come when he is ensconced on his thunder mug throne, this makes perfect sense.

And P&J were also delighted to see the international delegation of diplomats at the United Nations break out in laughter when the narcissistic congenital liar claimed that his administration had accomplished more than any other in US history. Perhaps our president doesn’t realize that not everyone is as stupid and clueless as he is, and thought someone might actually believe his continuous preposterous claims and self-aggrandizement.

A Tip of the Sombrero to Judge Caprio

Your superior correspondents were impressed by Brian Amaral’s article on the front page of the Thursday, September 27 Providence Journal, detailing how “Caught in Providence,” the longtime local cable sensation featuring cases from Providence traffic judge Frank Caprio’s courtroom is now being nationally syndicated. This injection of some authentic Vo Dilundese culture on national television is something we can all be proud of.
Congratulations to Judge Caprio, who has long been admired for his empathy and compassion. Phillipe & Jorge are always happy to see good news with a local angle in the daily papers.
The New Politics
The Republican candidate for RI State Treasurer, Michael Riley, announced on Wednesday, September 26, that he would accept neither support for his campaign nor financial contributions “as my chances [of winning] are very slim.”
We might add, since Phillipe & Jorge are not running for any elected office, our chances of winning are also very slim. On, the other hand, we will accept contributions from anyone out there loony enough to give us money.

Impressed for All the Wrong Reasons

Your superior correspondents got to watch the first televised gubernatorial debate on WPRI- Channel 12 on Thursday, September 27, from Casa Diablo’s Boom Boom Room and were immediately impressed with independent candidate Joe Trillo’s ability to remain balanced on his hind legs for an entire hour. Another high point for your superior correspondents was when Republican candidate, Allan Fung, made a reference to “stakeholders.” We assumed this was an attempt to suck Trillo into a discussion of “steakholders.” For Joe, that would be his bare hands as it seems somewhat clear that Mr. Trillo eschews the use of flatware when on one of his epic meat-eating sprees.
As we say on a regular basis, sleep tight Vo Dilun. One of these three genius-types will be our next governor.

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