Phillipe & Jorge’s Cool, Cool World: Just Deserts — Your superior correspondents realize you’re not sending us your best

You Get What You Deserve

Could there be anything more dispiriting than the results of the gubernatorial primaries last week?

Now we have the choice –­ once again — between the jumped-up, overly ambitious Dem Gigi Raimondo, who would eagerly push either Sheldon Whitehouse or Jack Reed in front of a speeding train to be able to run for their US Senate seat; and the GOP’s walking bowl of pablum, Allan Fung.

If this is the best Little Rhody can do as far as electing a future governor, we are knee-deep in doo-doo. Gov Gigi couldn’t organize a beer fest in a brewery, is the cash machine for amoral Wall Street hedge fund managers, has exposed herself as a phony on environmental issues unless they involve a photo op and always thinks she is the smartest person in the room. This, of course, led us to genius decisions like prematurely launching the UHIP computer system and the now fabled “Cooler and Warmer” campaign, which was as cool as a videogamer in his parents’ basement at age 25, and as warm as, well, Gina herself. Brrrr. But Gigi had no problem giving her New York buddies millions for essentially throwing the job over the transom.

(News flash! Oooh, oooh! As P&J go to press, Raimondo’s team once again shit the bed in their first attack ad on Fung. Trying to show he was failing a distressed city, they showed video shots of streets and shops in Providence. We are quite sure Gigi is now off Mayor Jorge Elorza’s Christmas card list. This idiotic mistake calls back visions of the Cooler and Warmer debacle, the ad for which showed a skateboarder in full flight. Unfortunately for Raimondo, the skater in question happened to be showing off his repertoire in Iceland. Hey, can we help getting that egg off your face, Raimondonistas?)

Meanwhile, in GOP City, Fung is simply a political robot. A charming person in real life, who has always treated P&J kindly, he has the charisma of a wet wedding cake.

Despite this personality drawback, giving him a shot at putting his rear end into the governor’s chair might be a refreshing moment for the state. Jeez, all he has to do to top Gigi’s performance is not use kid stoners from other countries in ads, and be able to identify where Providence ends and Cranston begins. “I’ll take clueless governors for $400, Alex.”

Sit Down and Shut Up

While the bloom of professional tennis has long gone off the rose for Phillipe and Jorge, we must comment on the shameful display by Serena Williams in the finals of the US Open.

Serena positions herself as Superwoman, designing clothes, having a baby mid-stride her sensational career and in general, asking the world to shine its light on her. Her on-court meltdown during her match with the young and inspiring Naomi Osaka ruined Osaka’s moment in the spotlight because Williams thought she had been wronged by the chair umpire’s warnings, and then deduction of a point and a game for her reprehensible behavior. Oh, no doubt just a coincidence Serena was getting her ass kicked by Ms. Osaka, who won the women’s Open title once the hissy fits ended.

As is every public figure’s wont these days, Serena tried to insinuate both the race card and women’s card into her complaints, in what was a disgraceful attempt to dodge a mea culpa. She should be ashamed and forever apologizing to Naomi Osaka for robbing her of the deserved public glory of her terrific win.

Quote of the Week

Perhaps in tribute to his long and fabulous career before recently popping his clogs was this observation cited by The Week magazine by famed playwright and screenwriter Neil Simon, which we always think describes P&J:

“When it’s 100 degrees in New York, it’s 72 in Los Angeles. When it’s 30 degrees in New York, in Los Angeles it’s still 72. However, there are 6 million interesting people in New York, and only 72 in Los Angeles.”

‘Nuf sed.

As those who’ve been reading Phillipe & Jorge’s Cool Cool World for decades already know, we often search out the most unusual and bizarre stories from the variety of publications we peruse. We recently saw a piece published in The Washington Post about a culinary idiosyncrasy of New York Democratic gubernatorial candidate, Cynthia Nixon.

Ms. Nixon has been known to order a cinnamon raisin bagel with cream cheese, lox, capers and red onion, and there is some uncertainty among journalists and opinion writers covering the gubernatorial race as to whether this gustatory revelation lost or gained her votes. From the Cool Cool World perspective, this unique (though decidedly quirky) food choice is a plus.

It is certainly an improvement over that earlier Nixon’s (Richard Milhouse) habit of lunching on cottage cheese with ketchup.

Passages

Phillipe & Jorge, along with much of the Vo Dilun creative community, were deeply saddened to hear of the unexpected death of Bonnie Gordon, a veteran musician and artisanal jewelry maker, on September 1. Bonnie was only 60 and loved by her many friends and family.

Bye-bye Bullet Bob

Many people are feeling the loss of Jamestowner Bob Fuquea. A true gentleman and scholar, as well as a beloved friend to many (and golf partner of P&J), he fought the good fight for many of his latter years. P&J can’t guess at how many young students he influenced during his 40+ years as a residence hall advisor at URI, but if you counted everyone who ever met him there, you would be close. We’ll miss you, boss.