Advice with Spyce: How was your weekend?

Hey Spyce, 

So what is up with this approach as an opening line when first interacting with someone on dating apps:

“How is your weekend?” or “What are you getting into tonight?”

I have been super single and recently got on the dating apps. I finally matched with someone and his first message was the first above question. I was a bit turned off, but decided to give him a chance. However after the next exchange, he asked about my weekend again!

I guess some folks just don’t know what to say? I don’t know, it just seems super weird to me. 

Signed,

Turned Off Not On

Hi TONO,

I’ve got to admit, this is a MAJOR pet peeve of mine, too! It reminds me of when you go to Trader Joe’s (and it must be something in their employee handbook because I’ve had this happen to me at TJ’s ALL across the country for years) and they try to make casual conversation with you while checking you out. 

“So, what are you doing this weekend?” the fresh-faced young man will ask me as he’s bagging my bottles of wine (back when I was a lush).
“Oh, just two or three young men who look like you. What are you doing after work?” I’d retort (back when I would eat young men like candy for breakfast).

I say this, because what I really want to say is, NONE of your GD business! After all, I don’t know you. Why should I tell you what the hell I’m doing this weekend? Because you know what, maybe it’s nothing. Or maybe it is a sex party, or a bevy of young men coming over for a gangbang. But either way, that is information that you’re not privy to until we know each other, capisce? 

To be fair, I think most men don’t have any clue how to start a conversation with someone online, and they think that this is innocuous enough to begin an interaction, and who knows, maybe it is? Maybe I’m just a bitch who wants more from the world than it can ever possibly give me. That’s likely true in and of itself, but at the same time, people need to dig deep sometimes and get to the real juice of the matter, instead of just relying on casual conversation as a way to get their foot in the door. 

In this situation, I’d suggest one of two things. One would be to just not answer and move on. Two, which is what I’d normally do since I’m a ballbuster, would be to do like what I did to blush the sweet cheeks of the young man at the checkout counter and tell him something really raunchy and naughty. And then see how he responds…either way, you may get a good story out of it!

Hi Spyce,

Recently I met a guy online who I really hit it off with. We were talking and video chatting and there was a lot of flirtation, chemistry and attraction. I felt like I could be really honest with him, so when he asked me how many people I’d slept with, I didn’t hesitate and told him. He got silent, and then when I asked him how many people he’d slept with, he said five, which was much lower than my number. We logged off soon after that and while we are still talking, things have been kind of weird. He hasn’t brought it up again, but he also hasn’t really been that flirty.

What do you think? Was it really just my number that scared him away?

Sincerely,
Numbers Game Gal 

Hi Ms. Numbers,

Wow, I’m so sorry to hear that happened! Boys can be sooooo dumb, amirite? In my days of cardinal cavorting, I racked up quite the roster as well, and while at one point it really did a number on me, haha, eventually I learned to love my numeral niceness, and I stopped giving a rat’s ass about where exactly I landed on the table of tallies. 

Because in reality, what IS the correct amount of experiences that a proper young lady should have, and when exactly does she cross the line into the dirty slut territory? In my mind, it’s never. As long as you’re having a good experience and you’re doing what you want in a way that’s happy and healthy for you, you can fuck someone new everyday for all I care. 

But I think what actually happens in a man’s brain when he hears a number and it’s much higher than his is not that it turns him off, but it makes me feel inferior and afraid. However will he compete with all of the men who have cum before him? Will he be able to satisfy you and live up to the incredible oodles of porn star sex that you’ve had in your past? After all, all he’s done has been his first girlfriend, that girl he had a summer fling with, the neighbor at his apartment complex and that was just a friends with benefits, just one very drunken one night stand in college, and then his long time girlfriend who left him because he wasn’t able to satisfy her sexually. That’s a crazy cross to bear when you’ve just met a new hottie and you want to impress her. 

The real question is why do men even want to know at all if they are not going to like our answers? 

Here’s the thing: I am blunt as all get out and highly believe in addressing any issue head on, especially in a new relationship. So I would just ask him how he felt about that and try to get a true answer out of him. How he responds will inform you if he’s someone that is worth adding another number to your list for!