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Advice with Spyce: Love over Zoom and love not meant to be

Hi Spyce,

I work for a company with offices all over the country, and since the pandemic and Zoom meetings, I have been meeting people in other offices who aren’t in my area. I really hit it off with one of my co-workers who lives about 1,500 miles away, and we have started chatting outside of work. 

I know that he’s single, but I don’t really know much else about his personal life and because we didn’t meet through a dating app, I haven’t wanted to ask. I’m starting to really like him, but I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to make things weird if he doesn’t like me. 

What should I do?

Jonesing for my Job Crush

Hello Ms Jones!

Well my normal advice when someone comes to me and says, “I like this guy from work” is to ask, “What do you like better? Your job, or the guy?” because typically, you can’t have both. I mean, maybe it can work out occasionally, but the old expression, “Don’t shit where you eat” is there for a reason, and that reason is dynamically attached to the very scenario that you speak of. Because if things go south with the guy and then you have to see his ass everyday at the place you where you have to go to make your money, it’s not going to be comfy-town.

That being said, we are in the computer age, and the days of office culture is not what it used to be, so you obviously CAN be connected with someone from work and never even see them. Which brings me to your case, and another fantastic fact and that is that you never have seen this dude in person. 

Now that’s not necessarily a bad thing, and love has blossomed from all kinds of auspicious spaces, especially in COVID times, but you don’t want to pin all of your hopes on the guy who you’ve only seen through a little screen. I mean, seriously? Who the hell is this guy anyway? Does he even have a real background or is that all virtual, too? His apartment might be covered in pizza boxes and you’d never even know! 

Then again, far be it from me to stand in the way of true love. 

But I think your real question is this: How can I tell if he likes me? That, my friend, is not too hard. Does he contact you without you always having to make the first move? Is he interested in your life? Does he inquire about you, and want to learn all about you? Does he talk about future plans? These are all indicators that he just may feel a stirring in his panties for you. 

So if you don’t want to go full frontal on him and lay it all on the line, you can do some good with a little subtlety, and that horrific concept we all know and hate … patience! 

Of course we all want the answers now, now, NOW! And we can get them sometimes if we decide to put ourselves out there, but you have to know that there’s risk involved in that pursuit, and you have to be ready to NOT get the answers we want. So if you’re not ready to possibly be told no, it’s ok to play it a little safe and keep your cards a little closer to your chest for now. 

In that case, my best advice is to do some investigative reporting. Or in simple terms, find out more about him. Have I ever mentioned Spyce’s rule of Casz (casual)? I have employed this tactic many a time if I want to find out if a hottie is interested without being my bold-as-f*ck self and just reaching down to give his balls a squeeze. Instead I just play it cool and act like I’m just being friendly. You just casually converse with him about all kinds of topics, especially the romantic ones. Find out about his past relationships and what’s created him to be in the space where he is now. Learn all that you can about him, and if he asks if you are asking because you like him, just say, “Eew no!”. That will stop him dead in his tracks! 

But seriously, just focus on getting on getting to know him more, and when you do, if he likes you, it will naturally come out, and you will be able to discern what he’s feeling by his responses. In the meantime, you will learn more about him so you can determine if he is even the best partner for you, or if you want to just remain friends that chat at the water cooler. 

Love,

Spyce 


Dear Spyce,

I have been dating this man for the past 8 months, and while I really like him, there are some major life incompatibilities and I just don’t see us working out for the long term. I know we have to break up, but it feels really difficult to end something when everything is relatively good. I also really like him as a person and cherish him as a friend, so I don’t want there to be hard feelings.

Can you help?

Sincerely,

Just not The One

Hi JNTO,

What a tough situation! It’s so difficult when you like someone, but you just don’t like, like them … well not like that! But it is what it is. After all, a person may be truly wonderful, an excellent friend, a fantastic lover even, but there could still be much missing that means that they won’t work as a romantic partner. Take it from someone who has a history of staying in meh situations for too long. If you know that this is not for you, there’s no point in dragging the relationship out. 

Didn’t you ever hear the expression, “Life is too short for bad dick?” 

Maybe it was something else, but I do know that life is short, and spending your time with the wrong person is not only blocking you from finding the right person, but it’s also blocking them! 

I mean, I’m sure you’re the bee’s knees dahling, but who wants to be with someone who isn’t into them. No one wants to be a pity fuck, amirite? You never know, dude might be thinking the same thing!  

Drop that ass, and then both of you are free to find your number one choices. This is truly the most caring thing that you can do. Dragging out a relationship where you don’t see somebody as THE ONE is basically a bag of dicks for all involved. 

Be proud of yourself for realizing this and looking to make a change before things really get bad. That’s the worst. This way, you can still hopefully be friends and you won’t end up as resentful parents or old people throwing things at the TV. 

As Rob Schneider said, “You can DO EET!” and I truly believe you can. And you and your soon to be ex will be that much better for it! 

Love,

Spyce