Phillipe and Jorge’s Cool Cool World: Insane Over Ukraine

Apocalypse Now?

Little more can be said about the atrocities being carried out in Ukraine. They are being led by Russian President Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump’s best pal, who has morphed into a Hitler for our age.

Phillipe and Jorge have lived through plenty of what seemed to be scary moments in our own presidency, from the criminally deranged Richard Nixon and absurd moron Dubya Bush, controlled by his shameless puppeteers Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld. And as for Trump, how low can you go when it comes to disgracing America on the world stage?

But the Russian invasion of Ukraine has upped the ante of murder and oppression to new levels of war crimes and soulless destruction that is beyond frightening. And the threat of nuclear weapons controlled by a madman has made real fears of an obliterating war worldwide.

Putin now tops the list of megalomaniacs in power, alongside Kim Jong Undeuxtrois in North Korea, ahead of the usual cluster of dictatorial South American and African neo-fascists who control their countries, imprison and torture opponents, and starve their people between shopping for mega-yachts. 

Mr. Kurtz? He ain’t dead.

Is Putin sane? Not a chance. Did you check out the 50-foot-long table he sits at the opposite end of when speaking to foreign emissaries? (And best bets are Trump has already ordered one for Mar-a-Lago.) We also like how he plays hockey and somehow scores six goals in a game – the equivalent of the fat midget Kim’s claims to have played golf for the first time and gotten 18 holes-in-one. Oh, c’mon, just throw a couple birdies in there, you despicable shithead.

What is most frustrating is the feeling that we are watching a group of people getting attacked on the street, outnumbered two-to-one, as we watch safely from behind a huge window. This helpless feeling makes you think there comes a time when you have to shatter that window, and jump into the fray to help those being beaten to death.

Putin won’t let up. It’s time we stepped up.

Who Are These People?

In the most high-profile political races in Little Rhody this year, what stands out most is this: Who the eff are these people running for critical offices?

Looking at the gubernatorial race, anyone who can name all the potential candidates gets free Awful-Awfuls for life. Current guv Dan “Who He?” McKee stumbled into his office to replace the desperate political climber Gigi Raimondo with a resume you could print on a cocktail napkin. And he has done little, save for seemingly alienating most of his highest-level advisors at the Department of Health over the COVID-19 pandemic and how to deal with it. (Miss ya already, Dr. Alexander-Scott.)

Fortunately, P&J’s fave rave, current Secretary of State Nellie Gorbea, has jumped in to challenge “Who He?” and if you don’t vote for her, turn your brain in for examination. (Whoever the GOP puts up as a candidate is essentially DOA, but if they are smart they will trouser any leftover campaign donations in return for being cannon fodder.)

And in the looie governor race, P&J are delighted that state Rep. Deb Ruggiero has thrown her golf cap into the ring. She may not be familiar to statewide voters at this point, but her work on Aquidneck Island and in South County gives her impeccable credentials which we are sure will extend to the state as a whole.

Even better, unless we have totally misread these young and dynamic young ladies, they will be a formidable and powerful team. Neither has a big ego, and no doubt Nellie could easily work alongside Deb, unlike the way Raimondo treated McKee like a valet parking attendant.

The only other race of interest is for the Congressional District 2 spot in DC being vacated by Jim Langevin.  Former Cranston Mayor Allen Fung, a nice guy and not totally incompetent, has jumped in for the Republicans (no doubt pinching his nose and holding his breath).

He’ll have to face General Treasurer Seth Magaziner, whom P&J endorse, but with one major caveat: you better move to District 2 toot sweet, Seth. There’s a reason why Narragansett Beer’s successful slogan with the folks in the Biggest Little has always been, “Hi Neighbor!” So you better become a neighbor quickly if you expect any votes from that constituency.

Blind Curves

Phillipe and Jorge pulled into our local drive-through ATM at the bank the other day, and got our usual chuckle out of the fact that on the touch-plates where you enter your account number, etc. instructions are also provided in Braille.

Now we may be missing something here, and correct us if we’re wrong, but it seems to us that the idea of a blind person driving may be a bit frightening, even with best intentions of providing all-access availability to the public. There are enough idiotic and dangerous blind-drunk drivers in Vo Dislun that we needn’t encourage those who legitimately can’t see to fall into the mix.

Be afraid. Be very afraid. But then again, this is our Little Rhody. Deal with it.

The opinions herein do not necessarily represent those of Motif.