Phillipe and Jorge’s Cool, Cool World: Scandalous!: Please make checks out to Superior Correspondents, Inc

Schools of Scandal

Phillipe and Jorge are appalled by the recent exposure of bribes, cheating on tests and falsified admission applications by parents in order to get their numbnuts sons and daughters into prestigious schools. (We must say we take exception to The University of Texas and San Diego University as being included in that lot. If your son or daughter needs help getting into either of those schools, it would probably be just as easy to enroll them in a community college and let them find a drug dealer as their BFF.)

This country has a proud history of colleges catering to rich white (and preferably Protestant) people’s every whim because they know the do-re-mi will soon be flowing to those ivied bastions of entitlement, privilege and utter conceit. This is America, goddammit, so just get used to it, shut up and know your place.

What is honking P&J’s horn is the fact that now it appears that our hallowed halls of wisdom are allowing parvenus like C-level celebrity actresses and hedge fund managers to pay lotsabucks to supposedly fool them (nudge, nudge, wink, wink) with absolutely falsified credentials. When collegiate admissions officers can’t detect something being rotten in Denmark with Photoshopped pictures of these twisted offspring claiming to excel in a sport such as crew, when all they have ever experienced on a boat is a yacht tied to a dock with Mummy and Daddy sucking down Pina Coladas, we have a problem. Hey, stand back and let the elite kids and Eurotrash through, puh-leeze.

Let’s just use a random case of purchasing an admission without the proper portfolio from Daniel Golden, editor at the web news site, ProPublica, who in 2006 published a book called The Price of Admission, which addresses this exact problem of getting anybody with the proper amount of bucks into a prestigious school. This random case involved Jared Kushner, the vacuous, halfwitted, smirking chimpanzee who is now President Big Baby’s son-in-law and “senior advisor.”

“New Jersey real estate developer Charles Kushner (Jared’s sleazebag father, if you hadn’t guessed) had pledged $2.5 million to Harvard University in 1998, not long before his son Jared was admitted to the prestigious Ivy League school. ‘There was no way anybody in the administrative office of the school thought he would on the merits get into Harvard,’ a former official at The Frisch School in Paramus, New Jersey, told (Golden). ‘His GPA did not warrant it, his SAT scores did not warrant it. We thought for sure there was no way this was going to happen. Then, lo and behold, Jared was accepted. It was a little bit disappointing because there were, at the time, other kids we thought should really get in on the merits, and they did not.’”

The $2.5 million bribe also happened to come from a convicted criminal.

In 2004, Daddy Kushner was indicted on 18 counts of illegal campaign contributions, tax evasion and witness tampering. He ended up spending 14 months at the government’s pleasure at a federal prison in Alabama. The acorn evidently didn’t fall far from the tree. And now, like his scumbag father-in-law, the unspeakable Donald Jr. and village idiot Dubya Bush, who were all born on third base, he thinks he hit a triple.

In the meantime, we would alert you to the fact that the Phillipe and Jorge Institute of Casual Research is accepting applicants for next year; just make sure the application comes wrapped in a hefty check.

The Untouchables

Phillipe and Jorge have always liked the late Richard Pryor’s comic-but-not-so-funny take on America’s legal system.

“You want justice? Well, that’s who’s in prison … just us.”

So why was anyone surprised that rich, powerful white man and professional political lizard Paul “Burning Tire” Manafort got away with being sentenced to a mere 47 months in what will undoubtedly be a Club Fed so he can work on his tennis game? Meanwhile, a black kid gets busted for having an ounce of weed and gets three years. Never mind that the charges Burning Tire was convicted of are essentially treasonous, and in earlier years (Make America Great Again!) he’d be riding Old Sparky to the Promised Land, dancing on air at the end of a rope or lined up against a wall and shot.

Fortunately, the next judge at the plate to sentence him for his misdeeds nailed him with three more years in the hoosegow, to be served after the initial 47 months. Yes, well played. And while Burning Tire awaits his pardon from his buddy, The Big Cheeto, he was already hit with further charges minutes after the third coin dropped, most importantly at the state level, which President Pussy can’t intervene upon to save Manafort’s ass.

 If you don’t realize by now that anything that comes out of the mouths of any Trump relative/associate/flunky/Cabinet member is a total lie, dancing in tune with the pathological liar in the White House, come back to Earth. These twisted souls couldn’t tell the truth until you take their entire family hostage and begin torturing them on a cellphone videotape, or cutting off the liar’s fingers, ears and nose and sending them to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. Just don’t disturb the big man while he’s watching the Fox channel.

Must be “fake news,” right?