Phillipe and Jorge’s Cool, Cool World: Stand Up or Sit Down, Staying on the right side of protests

Dumb Jock

Basketball player LeBron James may now be the most famous non-soccer player in the world. (Sorry, LeBron, but Lionel Messi and Neymar have you for miles.) Although, if he takes the Muslim route, he could rule the international sports world (see: Ali, Muhammad).

LeBron is also, to his credit, very philanthropic and generous as he wades knee-deep in thousand-dollar bills. But his recent defense of the Chinese government revealed the fact that the man never graduated high school. Just another dumb jock.

But not so stupid in his shameless pursuit of dollars, because King James was protecting a few of his cash cows by criticizing the remarks by Houston Rockets general manager Daryl Morey who posted on social media to support the “Free Hong Kong” protestors. This terrifically pissed off the Chinese royalty (read: cunning, vicious and murderous political tyrants), who have been trying to bring their hobnails down on the necks of the Hong Kong dissidents for months.

Of course this is all about money. China has about a $4 billion investment in the National Basketball Association, its players, its sponsorship contracts, production of NBA goods (Hi Nike! How’s that sweatshop running?) and more viewers of games than the US audience. To his credit, NBA commissioner Adam Silver backed up Morey, saying free speech is not only a cornerstone of American democracy, it is more important than sneaker contracts, in so many words. Plus three-quarters of the players in the NBA couldn’t find Hong Kong on a map, let alone know what Morey was talking about.

So LeBron, please sit down and shut the eff up. All you care about is the money, and all the Chinese government cares about is money and putting dissidents in prison. Meanwhile President Pathetic Pussy-grabber is so far up Chinese leader Xi Jinping’s ass all you can see are the soles of his cheap Nikes, so don’t expect help at that level.

Tank Man

Quick history lesson: In 1989, the Chinese citizens rebelled in what was known as the Tiananmen Square Revolt in the heart of Beijing. In one of the most iconic photos of the 20th century, a sole Chinese man carrying a shopping bag, known forever as ‘Tank Man,” faced off with and squared up to four Red Army tanks in the heart of Tiananmen Square after it had been cleared of protestors. He was not harmed, but has the biggest balls and heart P&J have ever seen. Protestors had given the US an incredible – and incredibly risky — tribute by building a huge replica of the Statue of Liberty during their rebellion, a tangible salute to all Americans that brought tears to eyes everywhere. So what did then-President George H.W. Bush do? Quietly capitulated to his disgusting economic partners and turned a blind eye to what was happening, and essentially sided with his rich Chinese buddies as they carried out what became known as the Tiananmen Square Massacre. Another profile in courage by a GOP leader.

Idiots Say the Darndest Things

Well, nice to see President Pathological Liar actually saw that there might be a possible conflict of interest in having next year’s G-7 summit held at his Trump National Doral clubhouse in Florida, bringing with it no doubt more financial perks than you can shake Stormy Daniels’ ass at. These things, besides being arm-twisters for the Orange Orangutan’s approval, are what are called “emoluments.” Yeah, we were stumped, too, but here’s the definition:

Emoluments: the returns arising from office or employment usually in the form of compensation or perquisites.

(Eric Idle enters stage left) “Say no more! Say no more! Saayy nooo mooore! Nods as good as a wink to a blind bat, eh? Eh?”

While it was nice for our insane president to actually see when he had crossed a line, P&J liked to read the finer print, and fortunately it was his head toadie, the loathsome Mick Mulvaney, acting White House chief of staff, who unwittingly provided it.

When questioned about the surprising level of pushback his reptilian boss experienced in trying to crowbar G-7 attendees into his resort, Mulvaney told “Fox News Sunday” (proprietor D. Trump), “At the end of the day, (Trump) still considers himself to be in the hospitality business.”

Great. Perhaps if he were in the business of acting like a president and instead of blubbering like a child every time he is insulted, we might all be better off, instead of looking for the chocolate mint on our pillow the day we check in and enjoying the free continental breakfast the next morning while our deranged leader is leading the Kurds to slaughter.

Thanks for the clarification, Mick. Now everyone try to say “emolument” three times fast.

Pressed Rat and Warthog

When Phillipe was a teen, with the obligatory lack of brains or clues, the legendary band Cream, at their height of its powers, played in his high school auditorium. (Long, involved story, but true nonetheless, so don’t ask.)

P. had a front row seat in front of his idols Eric Clapton, Jack Bruce and Ginger Baker. Afterward, it took a week of dragging his jaw along the ground before retrieving it after their performance.

Ginger Baker popped his clogs a couple of weeks ago, much to our dismay. On the down side, you have him to blame for every garage band or just plain self-absorbed idiot who includes a drum solo in their repertoire.

Baker opened the door to all this by being able to churn out a 10-minute percussion master class on demand. From all accounts he may have been fairly barking mad, not to mention a huge junkie – try playing a drum solo when you’re walking with the king — but he nonetheless paved the way for others of varying degrees of talent to do their own one-off. But Ginger has forever ruled the roost and knew more about the drum beats of every continent that you could ever imagine.

Pressed rat and warthog closed down their shop. They didn’t want to, ‘twas all they had got. Bye, Ginger, and eternal thanks.

Passages
P&J sadly note the tragic death of Bill Crozier in an October 22 traffic accident in North Kingstown. Bill was a longtime member of the Vo Dilun arts community; he was a fine musician, furniture maker and craftsman with a RISD education. More importantly he was a kind and good man. Our condolences to his family and many friends.

Metropolitan Street Illumination 

Jorge was riding on a RIPTA bus in Pawtucket on October 24 around 7:30pm and was having a difficult time identifying his stop due to the poor illumination on Main Street. Initially he was unsure if this was due to his worsening eyesight, so he mentioned this to the bus driver who replied that he found the poor street illumination a problem as well.

It seems to your superior correspondents that this is a serious issue that needs to be addressed. If you have had a similar experience driving in various parts of the state in the evening, please bring this to the attention of our state and local governments.