Locale Profile: No Problemo Taqueria

Years ago, I went to No Problemo with friends to get something to eat before seeing a show. Earlier in the day, I ate something that was wildly disagreeing with me. Whatever it was, I wanted to digest it, while it preferred to uproariously ferment and transform me from a lovely and vivacious woman into a bloated, vaguely sentient fart sausage. But the beauty of the taco is that there is always room for one more. I ordered three to be on the safe side, and roundly mocked my friend Jarrett for ordering just a salad. When our food arrived, my poor stomach panicked and began trying to chew through its esophagus in an attempt to escape while Jarrett smiled benevolently upon his large, luscious bowl of greens and taco meat. My three tacos required two plates, each one a meal in itself. If a gerbil would fit comfortably in a traditional taco, a dachshund would fit comfortably in a No Problemo taco. Each grilled flour tortilla was easily larger than my face and stretched around its contents like a rabid clam trying to swallow a squid, a state of being I assumed myself as I woefully attempted to assimilate them into my body. I mean, they were really good. Luckily, No Problemo is also a music venue, so if you happen to do this to yourself you won’t have to move your swollen carcass very far to enjoy the show.

Keeping my previous folly in mind, I knew what I was going to order on my return voyage: the tostada salad and maybe, just maybe, a taco. I ate sparingly all day in preparation for my anticipated meal, perhaps slightly too sparingly as I became somewhat dizzy and aggressive on the drive to New Bedford. This is perhaps one of the most impressive things about No Problemo: It’s in New Bedford, an approximate 40-minute drive from Providence. Providencians who ordinarily hesitate to drive 10 minutes across town go to No Problemo all the time.

Occupying an unassuming storefront on Purchase Street, No Problemo sits a few blocks above the waterfront in a neighborhood riddled with quaint cobblestones and local shops and cafes. It houses a takeout area and a dining room with a bar, where patrons may imbibe their choice of beer, sangria, margarita, or, of course, madeira. I began with sangria, which was delightfully served in a pint glass, while Jon enjoyed an RC Cola and Paul stuck with water. As planned, I ordered the tostada salad with carnitas, but alas, they were out of carnitas. I defaulted to chicken and also ordered a barbecue chicken taco. The food arrived quickly and was, as always, of monstrous proportions. The ingredients were fresh and it was very tasty. It’s dumbfounding, sometimes, to be served a plate of simple food that isn’t seasoned with a secret spice blend, squirted with secret sauce, or bedazzled with bacon.

My salad was a bowl of lettuce with diced cucumbers, roasted red peppers, scallions and plain, unseasoned but flavorful and tender chicken, with rice and black beans warming the bottom of the bowl, tri-colored tostada chips swimming up the sides, a blob of sour cream and a great plop of guacamole on top, with plenty of pickled jalapenos per my request. The taco was similarly stuffed, with a tangy and very sweet chipotle barbecue sauce oozing out of its mouth. No Problemo makes and bottles its own hot sauce in two varieties, cayenne garlic and serrano chili with lime. I added both rather gratuitously; while neither offered much heat they were both spicy and delicious. Jon’s quesadilla was similarly simple and tasty, and large enough to be a meal on its own. Paul was well pleased with his massive burrito. A vegan, he is accustomed to very limited menu options when dining out, but he remarked between bites that he appreciated that the veggie burrito offered different vegetables than the usual “beans and rice and lettuce and shit.”

My tostada salad made me marvel, all those ingredients combining in one gigantic bowl for $7.75. That we can order a bowl of fresh, assorted vegetables native to the four corners of the continent accompanied by the prepared flesh of the animal of our choice and eat it until we burst for less than an hour’s wages is a testament to what a land of milk and honey we have the temporary and dubious privilege to enjoy. Half my meal came home with me to be eaten on the couch in my underpants as soon as my stomach had room, and on the drive home, Jon said what was on my mind.

“In all the history of all the world up until maybe the past 50 years, we eat better every day than any king has ever been able to.”

Mexican food, American style. Get it while it’s fresh, cheap and huge. In time these luxuries will inevitably dwindle and pass. Fill your stomach today with memories of bounty to carry with you into the uncertain future.

No Problemo Taqueria, 813 Purchase Street, New Bedford; 508- 984-1081, noproblemotaqueria.com; Cash only, no credit cards accepted. ATM on premises.