Events:

There are no upcoming events at this time.

Alt-Facts

Emperor Denies Getting New Clothes: Fashion industry in an uproar

The nation’s capital descended into its fourth straight week of protests. The outcry started in the first week of November, when the emperor refuted a claim he had purchased a brand new wardrobe made of the finest Parisian silks. In a follow-up press conference the following morning, his Majesty asserted, “I’m always naked from the […]

Read More

High Stakes: There’s a lot going on in the minds of Americans

Everything You Wanted to Know About the Electorate (But Were Afraid to Ask) Doomers: “I didn’t vote because Rhode Island was going blue anyway. You want to make a difference? Move to Florida, man. And I can’t do that.” Republican Voters of Any Age: “I enjoy setting fire to other people’s pets. And you can’t […]

Read More

Fall of Civilization: AltFacts makes some predictions to help you navigate the season

Trick eTreat With the likelihood of the COVID-19 pandemic continuing through the winter, Governor Gina Raimondo has announced that trick-or-treating will be prohibited this Halloween. But the noted lover-of-children has a trick up her sleeve. Kids of the Ocean State can pester their neighbors for protection candy through Zoom video conferences. Their targets will be […]

Read More

We Have Free Speech: And I’d like to speak to your manager

Leave the White People Alone: An Open Letter Dear Manager of “Black Lives Matter,” We have been hearing a lot about “people of color” of late and how these communities have been experiencing prejudice in the free nation that is the United State of America. In case you hadn’t noticed, this is extremely prejudicial itself. […]

Read More

Locals Take Action: Grappling with recent changes ain’t easy

Pub Life: A Plea from the Bars of Rhode Island Syndicate (B.O.R.I.S): While pub and bar owners across Rhode Island are looking forward to lockdown restrictions being lifted, the industry still faces a crisis. Public drinking establishments were feeling the pinch long before the pandemic hit, and even as society starts to return to normal, […]

Read More

Takeout Cocktails?: The Darwin Awards return

Remember the Darwin Awards? A craze in the early to mid-noughties, these rude dedications acknowledge members of society who expire in the most unlikely (read, ridiculous, or ironically sinister) fashions. Well, they’re back, but now with a novel, Rhode Island twist.  It all began during the after-party that followed last Thursday’s lifting of the stay-at-home […]

Read More

Shaken, Not Stirred: The definitive guide to ingesting disinfectant

Lysol Spritzer Don’t inject yourself with bleach, brah! That’s fucking dangerous. Instead, grab a martini glass, a bottle of vodka and one of those fancy orange ring twists. Shake up a Lysol spritzer; you only need a couple of sprays (four if you’re feeling adventurous). Pour into an industrial shaking device that withstands acid corrosion. […]

Read More
image_pdfimage_print