Twin River Casino in Lincoln has announced the launch of a dispensary and craft brewery in their Sportsbook Bar & Grill, which will take place on April 20. Public Relations Officer Dewey Smokum spoke to the press Tuesday and announced that due to the additions, the restaurant’s name will be changed to Buds & Suds […]
“These are the photos they don’t want you to see.” Says Carl Q. Hog, of the Instagram post he made after finding what might be the final remains of the long-sought-after legend, the Block Ness Monster. Sighted most often during hurricanes over the years, “Blocky” has been a constant, if rarely seen, companion to Island […]
The afternoon skies went dark as an estimated 14,653 bats swarmed above the State Capital building in Providence, RI. “At first it looked cool,” said Melford Glum, a tourist visiting the Ocean State from Shrieve, UT. “The kids were laughing and pointing. Then, when the bats started dive-bombing us, it felt like the Apocalypse.” Ordinarily, […]
Yes, it seems like the Lifespan/Care New England merger deal was rejected by both Attorney General Peter Neronha and the Federal Trade Commission. But our hackers found documents indicating that plans remain in place… This story and analysis came up through back channels and was written with repressed bile and intestinal fortitude… “There is always […]
Welcome to The Squid’s Ink: we print Rhode Island’s dark and humorous truth Since 2020, the Rhode Island state government has been sitting on the so-called “once in a generation” $1.2 Billion Dollars of federal funds. “We’re so used to having lobbyists tell us what to do that we kind of forgot how to think […]
And Now for Something Completely Different In keeping with the time honored tradition of sponsoring the natural environment with state names, Rhode Island is now considering adding a “state coral” to the list of “official state” flora and fauna. The lucky winner is Astrangia poculata, the Northern Star Coral, which is normally found in Narragansett […]
The nation’s capital descended into its fourth straight week of protests. The outcry started in the first week of November, when the emperor refuted a claim he had purchased a brand new wardrobe made of the finest Parisian silks. In a follow-up press conference the following morning, his Majesty asserted, “I’m always naked from the […]
Shit My Bishop Says Roll over Jesus. There’s a new messiah on mundi. The true Messiah was born on April 1, 1948, in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. He alone holds the keys to the kingdom of Heaven with a big brain full of his Christian alt facts. Known by many names, His earthly name of Thomas Joseph […]
Everything You Wanted to Know About the Electorate (But Were Afraid to Ask) Doomers: “I didn’t vote because Rhode Island was going blue anyway. You want to make a difference? Move to Florida, man. And I can’t do that.” Republican Voters of Any Age: “I enjoy setting fire to other people’s pets. And you can’t […]
Trick eTreat With the likelihood of the COVID-19 pandemic continuing through the winter, Governor Gina Raimondo has announced that trick-or-treating will be prohibited this Halloween. But the noted lover-of-children has a trick up her sleeve. Kids of the Ocean State can pester their neighbors for protection candy through Zoom video conferences. Their targets will be […]