Off-the-Beaten Path Weddings

Wedding traditions have their own mystique – traditions that immediately conjure up everything associated with commitment, love and family. But many creative RI brides and grooms also step outside the box to color in weddings that mean something special and specific to them.

As someone who’s been to weddings big and small, naked and clothed, themed and classic, weird and almost always romantic, I am always impressed when couples put their own spin on the proceedings. I’ve attended one where the bride and groom were loosed bare-bottomed into the woods to find each other. I’ve seen a wedding party tangled in a spiral conga line trying to follow a bagpipe player and kilted bride and groom, and I’ve seen a bride and groom lose their wedding party, only to show up on CNN for being crazy enough to have their wedding photos taken on the beach during a hurricane. From wacky to sweet, here are some of the odd, interesting and touching weddings we and some Motif readers and contributors have experienced:

Rocky Romance

The historic Stadium Theater was the setting for Jim and Michelle’s Rocky Horror wedding. Local re-enactor troupe the RKO Army came out in force and brought the audience into the experience with dancing, scares and squirt guns.

“My boss was there,” remembers the groom, whose love of classic horror films and a ‘38 Chevy hot rod with a casket in the back formed part of the inspiration for the theme. “He was like, ‘What the hell?’ – but then someone gave him a squirt gun, and he got into it.” The film was screened, and the couple’s actual nuptials were integrated with the ceremony in the film.

Doggone Cute

RI Wedding Videographer Christian Di Rezendes remembers a wedding where the bride and groom had their dogs in the wedding party. “They were hunting dogs. The couple met right after the groom, a hunter, bagged a deer. He was carrying the carcass, and covered in blood. They said it was love at first sight,” he explains. Well-trained dogs can probably handle a wedding better than a lot of bewildered flower girls who’ve found themselves thrust down the aisle.

Ball Drop

When contributing writer Kim Kinzie decided to marry her beau, they flew to Hawaii for a private and romantic ceremony on the beach. They met their chosen officiant, Captain Howie, the day before the ceremony and knew immediately that the reality he presented in no way lived up to the brochures they saw on the mainland.

On their wedding day, the captain met Kim and Chris on the beach for a pre-wedding photo session dressed in a golf shirt and a sarong. He arranged the happy couple on the sand and squatted in front of them to capture the moment. As he did, the edges of his sarong lifted like stage curtains to reveal his hairy Hawaiian coconuts. The shutter clicked.

That photo now sits on a shelf among pictures of their gorgeous boys. The groom is handsome and his bride is beautiful, but her eyes reveal to those who know her best the horror she saw grazing the sand in front of her on the most romantic day of her life.

At Light Speed

When religion isn’t a central concern, it’s common for a couple to find a friend who is – or is willing to become – a minister. Several organizations grant certifications online, most prominently the Universal Life Church, where the only doctrine is the Golden Rule. One such is spoken word artist Jay Walker (yes, his real name), who says, “When people ask me to officiate their wedding, they want two things: poetry and brevity. Half the time, ceremonies have happened in backyards. My most interesting case happened in a home with no backyard. We went in the small front yard of their row house, with their children and a neighbor as witnesses/guests. It was interesting to have a car drive by every minute or so, but it was more interesting to be asked for something “as close to a Spaceballs wedding as possible.” [Priest: “Do you?” Groom: “Yes.” Priest: “Do you?” Bride: “Yes.” Priest: “Good, you’re married; kiss ‘er!”] Naturally, I tailored it to fit them specifically; still, it was the fastest and least fancy wedding I have ever attended, in any capacity.”

Even Faster

Susan Asselin, owner of Mother Mystic on Federal Hill, is also a Universal Life Church minister. She’s performed several Wiccan wedding ceremonies, one of which included a groom’s specific instructions to his bride on how she should behave if the Patriots won a game and what she should do if they lost, but Susan says that the most unusual ceremony she presided over was one in which she was asked not to say a word. The couple didn’t want the ceremony, the heartfelt vows, or the first kiss as husband and wife. They just wanted the paperwork. Susan met with the couple, insisted that they verbally consent to the marriage, signed the paperwork and left after what might have been the fastest wedding ever in the state of Rhode Island.

Rising Tides

Christine McCullough of weddingpartynewport.com is also a ULC minister who agreed to marry a couple on a five-foot tall rock that stands next to The Atlantic Beach Club. “Sometimes people attach meaning to places and because he proposed on that rock, they wanted to get married there,” said McCullough.

At low tide, McCullough climbed a ladder to the top of the rock followed by the bride wearing a bathing suit under her wedding gown and the groom wearing a tux jacket and Bermuda shorts. The couple’s guests stood on the beach to watch the ceremony. “During the ceremony, the tide came in,” said McCullough. “It wasn’t impossible to get down again, but it was certainly challenging!”

All The World’s a Stage

Mike and Renee met while working at the theater – she was a stage manager, he a stage hand. They planned their ceremony for a federal holiday – “Pretty much the only day both theater professionals and working people have off,” says Mike. They were accustomed to being back stage, but a little nervous about being on stage. But that was the setting for their self-written vows. They had a set built, lighting designed, and a backdrop painted to create the forced-perspective illusion of an enormous dome. The wedding dress was black, as were the garments of all invited guests – in keeping with backstage professional tradition. The stage was set up with a 15-minute fake sunset that became moonlight to fit the processional’s “Moonlight Sonata.” The recessional was to the “Peanuts” theme music.

“It was exactly what we wanted,” says Renee. “You can make a lot of really personalized choices when you’re not following a tradition.”

After the event? “We already were living together so we just went home. It didn’t change what we had, but we felt that a big reason for a wedding was to have witnesses and a whole a community to support us in our marriage,” says Mike. “Those words – husband, wife, marriage – they carry a significance. They mean something to society, to others, that alternatives like ‘partner for 20 years’ still can’t quite convey.”

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