How Do You Turn a Bad Beer Good?

The Fifteenth Annual Newport Storm Luau drops on Fort Adams this weekend. RI’s first microbrewery has been throwing this shindig for as long as I can remember, but that’s not saying much with my memory.

Not only is this yet another beer event to benefit a good cause, the Fort Adams Trust itself, but it’s going to be a great big bash, as always, when the Coastal Extremists decide to throw down. It’ll feature live music from Roz Raskin and the Rice Cakes and the Torn Shorts, two local groups that have been livening up the New England Music scene.

There’ll be even more food vendors than ever, a game pavilion, and of course, plenty of Newport Storm Brews and Thomas Tew Mai Tais. If you’re not doing anything Saturday the 17^th, head on over the bridge and have a blast. I hope to see you there.

Cheers.

What do you do with bad beer? I don’t mean the generic, manufactured, cookie-cutter pilsners put out by the big boys. But what do you do when you pay seven or eight bucks, or an hour’s wage, on a 22 oz. craft brew and it turns out to be … well … let’s say less than exceptional?

It’s a question that plagues many a beer nerd in search of the latest and greatest who find themselves with a very foul sour, or a stout that’s been sitting on a shelf for so long it can be carbon dated. It happens sometimes, that a good beer from a great brewery will fall by the wayside and accumulate cobwebs while its flavor diminishes and it becomes nothing more than a bittersweet shadow of its former malty self. By now the hop flavor is all but unrecognizable and you find the prospect of finishing this yeasty abomination to be a daunting task that makes you eye the nearest drain and wonder, “Will I be ashamed later?”

Of course you will be. But fear not! Many a time I’ve picked up a brew that, while not exactly skunked, is significantly less than advertised, or maybe just too old to have that young zip it once did. I’ve found many a solution to this conundrum that most beer nerds may find a good way to put that lost money to good use.

1. Experiment: I’ve found that mixing beers can often yield significantly more profound results than your average Black & Tan. Mixing an old stout that’s become little more than sugar water and alcohol with a younger, fresher IPA can yield you a very crisp little Black IPA that is a pleasure to drink. One can even combine one or more old brews that have been neglected by time to create whole new beverages that appeal to the more distinguished palate … or you’ll have a gross foamy mess that tastes like bong water. But damnit, it’s worth a shot, isn’t it? What do you have to lose?
2. Cooking: Need to get rid of that Cranberry Lambic from 2009? It should make an excellent turkey glaze! Have a Russian Imperial stout that you can’t bring yourself to finish? Toss it into beef stew for a nice roasty flavor. Can’t stand the wheat beer in the back of the fridge? Whip up some fried chicken batter with it. There’s no end to the ways you can cook something amazing with old beer, even old bad beer. Combining stouts with things like brownies or even cookies can result in an interesting creation for your next party.
3. Turn bad beer into good beer: If you’re a homebrewer, and of course I am, you find yourself experimenting with your brews all the time. Why not toss that ancient Belgian White into the mash of your next pilsner and see what results? You might be surprised. Or dump that malty porter into your next Irish Red and see it turn a richer shade. Sometimes this might not work, though. You’ll want to think twice about pouring your old oatmeal stout into your next IPA, for example.

These are just examples, of course. Feel free to be creative and try something new. That’s half the fun of craft beer in the first place after all. Until next time, cheers!