I am no expert. But it makes sense that your sign and personality affect what you favor in your glass. Whether you’re a fire, earth, air, or water sign, you have your preferences! If you have been less than pleased with your palate choices, perhaps my suggestions will help.
Aries: The ram is headstrong. They want to get things done quickly and will often take control because of this. They are not afraid. This horned sheep wants a high-ABV beverage. They don’t want to sip and wait for a buzz. They are much too impatient for that. This fire sign would love a beer aged in whiskey barrels. If you are an Aries, you should trot over to Taproot Brewery. You can order a Scotch ale called “Big Mac.” It has an ABV of 12.5%. Make sure you pace yourself on this large beer or share one like I usually do!
Taurus: The bull is stubborn and often set in their ways. They are ruled by the planet Venus, which represents pleasure, love, and beauty. They will not accept anything but the finest craft beer. Because they tend to get stuck in their habits, they are dedicated to finer craft beers. The oxen should fill its herbaceous, grain appetite with a seasonal beer. They will appreciate the efforts in crafting this limited release. Vigilant Brewery has an Imperial Pumpkin Ale coming out called “Tower Hill.” Don’t waste time wandering around in the field. This ale will sell out quickly.
Gemini: This twin sign wants to find their perfect match. They aren’t big into anything serious; they want things to be light. That is why this Mercury planet-ruled sign would get along best with a California Common. They want something lighter, crisp, and less bitter. This style beer is brewed with lager yeast and fermented at ale temperatures. This will keep the duo in agreement, at least for 16 ounces. They will probably change their mind, however. This is something to keep in mind. Tower Hill Brewing makes a California Common called “The Common.”
Cancer: The homebody crustacean hides in its shell. It is comfortable with the familiar. They desperately want to be loved and want constant reassurance. You may never know what they feel because they never trust their emotions. This is why a Cancer would do well with a Barley Wine; nothing says romance better! After a few sips, this rock-hard arthropod may soften up and allow some safe spooning – without using its pincers to hug. Hello, my shy crab. Meet me at Narragansett Brewing and join me for a pint of “Life.” Don’t sweat any ocean salty tears, you bashful sea spider. We don’t have to chat. This delicious glass of malty beer with a touch of sweet, caramelized toffee will be the conversation piece.
Leo: The king of the jungle. At least, that is how they see it. Known to be self-centered and a showoff its wild mane. This narcissist wants you to notice them. Nothing will satisfy its hunger other than a tropical, fruit-filled IPA whose aroma matches the taste. This beer will have this jungle cat purring just like your house cat. Good thing our furry pal likes to explore the neighborhood. There is plenty of tropical goodness locally to be found. Pivotal Brewing offers an Imperial IPA called “Bomb Cyclone” and the name says it all. It is full of tropical aroma and flavor.
Virgo: The only astrological sign that’s a woman. She wouldn’t have it any other way. She is a perfectionist and self-critical, yet she puts aside her needs to help others. Being the Goddess of fertility and agriculture, this wheat-carrying maiden will want to sip on something made without anything artificial. This maiden will prefer a craft beer made true to style. She won’t want additives. She wants a true-to-style West Coast IPA, and I know exactly where she can get one. Moniker Brewing makes one called “Blinded by Nostalgia.” This WCIPA has everything she wants since it is made with old-school-meets-new-school hops.
Libra: The Greek God/Goddess of divine law. Often obsessed with order and harmony, this sign is also not always able to make a decisive decision. They make great friends and fall in love hard and fast. This is why this peacemaker wants a lager. It is a straightforward, honest beer, and Libra likes its dependability. The uncertain Libra will be thankful to know that some local breweries have lagers available: Ravenous Brewing has “Pistolero,” Providence Brewery has “Corliss Cream Ale,” and The Guild has “Slater.” (Just to name a few.)
Scorpio: has eight legs and a venomous bite. It is said that no one has been stung in over 50 years. With that being said, I wouldn’t want to be face-to-face with a pissed-off one to change this statistic. Despite being a water sign, this arachnoid doesn’t want anything watered down. A Double New England IPA is just what the doctor ordered to avoid the kiss of death bite. “Colorful Language” from Vigilant Brewing has a trio of hops (Nectaron, Idaho 7, Armillo) that will subdue this predator’s appetite.
Sagittarius: The archer is unafraid of change. They are independent, blunt, and love adventure. This half-man, half-horsed fire sign is highly intellectual and passionate. Nothing will keep this adrenaline junkie happier than an Imperial Dessert Stout! Grab your arrow and aim; sexy Sag, you have a few targets. Long Live Beerworks always has one or two to choose from, “Marshmallow Small Joys” tastes just like an Almond Joy. Vigilant Brewing is releasing a Portuguese pastry stout called “Nata Your Average Stout” soon made with pastel de nata from Matos Bakery. Six Pack Brewery has a peanut butter stout we all know, and love called “Penny.”
Capricorn: An ambitious creature that can be obsessed with work. They want to be praised for their efforts and, above all, win. They can be critical about how others live their lives and take time to find their soulmate. Don’t give up on this fish-tailed bovidae. Once they fall in love, they will give you their all. Because of their goal-oriented mind, this horned earth sign wants a beer that was made with time and effort. They want a labor of love, a pilsner. You can’t hide off flavors with this bottom-fermenting lager. Origin Beer Project has two delicious Pilsners: “Ain’t Broke,” and “Small Joy.”
Aquarius: Sign of the water bearer. They are known to be highly intellectual, creative, and unique. If you are romantically attracted to one, keep in mind that they are not great communicators, and their focus is on their goals – not on you. It’s best to keep things fun but with a little ABV to help get this cup carrier loose enough to let his water spill. A dark and stormy beer is the perfect beer cocktail for them. This is made with dark rum, ginger beer, and a squeeze of fresh lime. Where can you find one? I enjoy this cocktail at The Tipsy Seagull, located in Fall River.
Pisces: The sign of two fish swimming in opposite directions. One fish is a dreamer. They are often looking at the world through a foggy fish tank. Although creative, they are not focused on reality. The other fish is highly intuitive and aware of understanding others. Pisces is the most sensitive of all the zodiac signs. This scaled swimmer falls in love deeply and passionately. Because of their opposing personalities, this aquatic vertebrate is happiest when drinking a sour beer: Gose, Lambic, Berliner Weisse, Kettle Sour, or Dessert Sour. Plenty to get your gills into, Pisces: “Rejects Gose” from Rejects Brewing, “Strawberry Feels” Grissette from Narragansett Brewing, “Torteweizen” Berliner Weisse from Moniker Brewery, and “Ollie” Grissette from Six Pack Brewery are some of the many options to swim towards. •
Illustration by Olivia Lunger
