Salutations! H.L.Popinjay here with the second edition of The Cabinet, your monthly torrent of twaddle aimed at the high muckety-mucks in power in the so-called Ocean State. In case you missed my last missive, I should clarify that I am writing from the year 2121, one centenary hence, when, as a result of climate change, the OceanState is just the Ocean, and society has been crushed to a fine pâté.
“Gadzooks!” you cry out from behind the shield of your
news-paper, drawing stares from fellow trolleycar riders.“What
can we do to avoid this cataclysmic end?” Well, for one, you can
take note of these varied and sundry signs of societal decay. Firstly, the continued legislative employment of Rep. Justin Price, even after his extracurricular activities in our nation’s Capitol alongside the vile Nazi psychopath he calls “peaceful patriots.” Republican Leader Blake Filippi says Price cannot be expelled from the Rhode Island House for “bad ideas.” His own continued employment is proof. Secondly, there’s the House’s new rule “requiring state officials to swear to tell the truth,” which, I submit, is a headline to which any parodical addendum would be superfluous. Thirdly, the reign of new Old Interim Governor What’s-His-Face. Nothing to say about him, either; the fear in his eyes speaks for itself.
Now, as I am a strict adherent to the “rule of threes,” I shall spare the legions of other deserving vulgarians the continued lashings of my poison pen, and swallow my bile for two fortnights hence! Until such time, I remain,
Bitterly,
Horace L. Popinjay
