You Can’t Go Wrong with a Bong!

You’ve made a bowl out of an apple, and maybe you’ve made a carrot pipe. Now it’s time to stop playing around and make some paraphernalia that will stand the test of time.
Step 1: Search for a wood shop that will let you make a wooden bong.
Step 2: Get turned down by several wood shops and build a shop in your mom’s basement instead.
Step 3: Buy fancy wood of any kind. I used pine, because it’s cheap, and a hint of mahogany. After all, who isn’t impressed by mahogany!?
Step 4: Make the neck, top bowl and bottom bowl pieces by layering together strips of wood. See Diagram 2 for details. Tip: Hollow out the neck and bowl before gluing them together. Otherwise, your herb-scented air won’t pass through the pipe without a whole lot of effort.
Step 5: I can’t remember what this step is, but it’s pretty important, so make sure to do it well. This is a very dangerous step if done incorrectly – it possibly has something to do with carving. Get back to me.
Step 6: If your bong doesn’t look like Diagram 4, congratulations on doing your best. Don’t feel bad if it doesn’t look like it should. You probably got too high testing out new strains (see page 18).
Step 7: Sand and then polish all wood surfaces. Go for blindingly shiny. Cover that wooden wonder in waterproof bar top epoxy. Tip: Place pages of Motif under the dripping bongs to give them a cultured flavor.
Step 8: Patiently watch the epoxy dry for 24 hours. While you wait, try one of the recipes on page 28. You have time to make two batches.
Step 9: Drill a hole in the bottom chamber to add a downstem.  This step requires precision and accuracy, but you can basically eyeball it.
Step 10: Insert a glass downstem that fits the size of your hole. Don’t make it weird.
Now bask in the glory of your bong! Show your friends and family this proud achievement. Heck, you could even write an article about it! But most importantly, enjoy it – good luck keeping that thing clean, though. Have a merry 4/20!   – Will Stiles