You Gonna Drink That? Expert advice on using leftover liquor

So you’re cutting down on your drinking and have a bunch of bottles going to waste. Don’t pour it down the drain! We have a few suggestions for what to do with that bottle of giggle juice gathering dust in the corner.

Clean your room!: Alcohol makes a surprisingly good cleaning product. It can remove stains from upholstery, clean windows, shine chrome, deodorize laundry and remove rust! Once your room is all sparkly clean, add a little ambiance with a vase of fresh cut flowers. Booze in the water makes them last longer!

If you’re brassy and you know it: Mix one part vodka with two parts seltzer in a spray bottle. Spritz it on your locks and sit in the sun, and you’ll end up with blonde streaks that would make ’90s-era Kelly Clarkson seethe with jealousy.

Hair so good it’s dangerous?: Break the neck of your bottle of liquid courage, et voila! Makeshift knife to ward off the haters.

Do like the cowboys do: Next time you get knifed in a PVD club, make like a cowpoke and ask the barkeep for a bottle of rotgut to pour on your open wound. You’re not gonna let gangrene slow you down!

Uh-oh!: Those defense wounds on your hand are smelling pretty bad, but your freelance gig doesn’t provide health insurance and you can’t afford antibiotics out of pocket! That hand has got to go. Luckily, moonshine makes pretty good anesthesia in a pinch. Get good and drunk (it’s not a cocktail, it’s a medical device!), bite down on a leather belt and see if your BFF means it when she says she’s your ride or die.

When all else fails: Set that shit on fire and throw it at those who defy you. The dystopian future is now, baby!