Thanksgiving is still weeks away as I write this, yet there are now five aisles where it looks like Santa and the Hebrew Hammer have vomited up every holiday decoration made. I know I’m not the only one to immediately roll my eyes when I see the aisles packed with green, red, white, and blue. I know that terrible Christmas music is just a few days away, and I don’t want it. Here’s the thing though, despite all of this, I really like Christmas. I really like the meaning behind the holidays.
Everything in life is what you make of it. When you say you hate the holidays, you might not actually mean that. You might just hate what they have come to represent. Holidays used to mean family gatherings, quality time, charity, spirituality, and thankful awareness. Now it seems the commercialization, and the should’s and responsibilities have taken away focus from what actually makes the holidays great. Here is my holiday guide on why holidays suck, and what to do about it.
GIFTS: I used to have money, but Santa ate it with a glass of milk.
I hate buying presents. There’s so much anxiety. What to get someone? Do I have to get something for someone? What if they don’t like it? What size are they? Will they throw a fit if I get something too small for them assuming I think they’re obese, and then in retaliation make a passive aggressive comment about how I haven’t lost weight during the holidays, and they should probably send me a gym membership or a fit bit……..? Ok, I’ll admit I might be over-thinking this. The other thing is that I don’t have an abundance of extra money around. I can’t even attempt to save at this point in the world because there IS not enough money in the world right now. I think that gift-giving as a whole sucks! The idea that something has to be bought just for the sake of having a present for someone is ludicrous to me. You do not have to buy all your aunt’s pairs of socks and some Werther’s Originals. Half of my generation is so poor, we’re still depending on our parents for help. So why, my loves, are we still trying to impress each other with junk?
For me, I focus on three things with gift-giving: Let go of the guilt, and be creative. Be honest with your family. Let them know, “Hey, I love you, but financially I cannot afford to gift everyone this year.” If they have a problem with that, that is a them issue. Do you feel guilty not giving Aunt Agnes a new pair of gloves? Well, stop it. It’s easy for us to feel inadequate because we cannot give into the commercialization of the holidays. Every commercial is a poke in the ribs about how you’re not doing “enough” buying for others. Let’s start a new trend and gift what really matters: Time. Things and objects are not equivalent to affection or caring about someone; Time is. Time is one of the most precious gifts you can give in this world. You never know how much time we have left on this rolling rock of ridiculousness, so it is the most precious.
Time is given to others in many ways. It could be meeting someone, it could be creating something for them, or an act of service. One of my favorite ways to show my friends and family love during the holidays is to cook them a meal. I enjoy knowing that what I’m making will make someone happy. While cooking, I think of fun conversations, the clinking of glasses at the end of the meal, when glucose and dopamine are coursing through our bodies, and feelings of community and belonging pull us together with invisible threads. Can’t cook? That’s okey-dokey. Throw a pot-luck, order out, make a charcuterie board instead, have a game night, watch a movie or show together. Once again, time is the gift.
I like to create things for people too. It doesn’t have to be big. Sometimes I’ll print out a picture of my giftee and me, or a memory that’s important to them. I will then go to the dollar store and buy a frame, which I’ll paint or decorate. My adult friends love my macaroni picture frames. It’s the time and thought that count. If you have a talent of some sort, it’s a great way to create dopamine for yourself, while showing them you’re thinking about them. Record a little silly song, make a scrap book, a collage, a painting, some jewelry, a box to hold their wishes for the year to come, or just write some nice things about them. Everyone loves praise: “Dear Dad, I really enjoy the way you always make sure I text you when I get home safe, it makes me feel cared for,” Or, “Dear significant other, I love the way your sinuses are so broken. I know you’re alive every night without checking on you because your snores are so loud. Some people wouldn’t love this, but I like your honking nose hole.” The world is your oyster for compliments.
Acts of kindness are wonderful things. Just someone offering to do the dishes, mow the lawn, dust or vacuum the house, or volunteer to be the designated driver can be a very generous gesture to someone. This can be done with a stack of kindness coupons, or just letting someone you know works very hard, that just for today, they can relax.
TRAFFIC: Honk, Honk! Beep, Beep! This traffic jam makes me weep.
I don’t have great advice for avoiding traffic other than choosing stores that are less traveled. These are often stores that are more mom-and-pop, so not only are you avoiding the frustration of a traffic jam, but you’re supporting a local business. Try to get to places early rather than waiting until last minute. There’s nothing worse than being in a grocery line the night before Thanksgiving, with only half of the things you wanted, because you’re already defeated and ready to throw in the towel. Plan early, act early, stop worrying. That turkey is right where you left it in the freezer last week. You got this, Champion of the Holidays!
Holidays can really suck, or they can be exactly what you want. You are the captain of your own shipwreck. Do you want to go visit people you hate on a day or time that’s for love and rejoicing? No, so don’t. Plan other times for those sacrifices. Dress your house up any way that makes you happy. Put little purple fairy lights up instead of a tree. Get some funky, fun menorah candles this year. This year I challenge you to face the holidays with the attitude of, “I choose to make myself happy by doing ___”, rather than “I should torture myself by stretching beyond my means, visiting people people that make me want to get run over by a reindeer, and getting stuck in a line that literally starts in bed and bath, and is so long it is now surely in the beyond.” You don’t have to be selfish and make it all about you, but I really hope that this year, you make some of it about you.