The year is 1938. The city of Providence is swept under the waves in the flood of the Great New England Hurricane. Houses are destroyed, cars and people lost in waters of destruction. Thankfully the storm, for a moment, provides a brief respite, in which people are able to escape to higher ground. These lucky ones save what they can of their former lives. The damage from the hurricane costs millions of dollars, and leaves hundreds homeless, shaken up but otherwise alive.
Fast forward to Christmas Eve, 2022. A hospital waiting area, the purgatory between heaven and hell: suffering beyond imagination. I am angered by what they took away from me. I wanted to be gone before Christmas.
A few years later, I sit writing this article in the library, getting ready for one of my favorite holidays of the year, reflecting on how grateful I am that I was saved. The quiet library, with a sparkling Christmas tree downstairs, is definitely a more serene and peaceful environment than waiting to be transferred to a hospital.
I think of the families today who are visiting loved ones in the hospital at Christmas, or who can’t see them there for other reasons. Some families, in Providence, and all over the world, can’t have the Christmas that they planned– can’t get into ‘pretty’ Christmas trees, insufferable in-laws, or obnoxious blow-up lights? Eventhe thought of even hanging up a wreath sends a pain through my heart.
It’s that time of year where everyone is suddenly forced to be busy, and if you aren’t making Christmas cards, baking cookies, or able to afford a little bit of magic for the Christmas tree, then what’s wrong with you?
Nothing. Focusing on your own mental health is possibly the bravest thing you can do over the holidays. And who cares if anyone says otherwise? They aren’t you. If you can only manage baking half a sheet of cookies, or only sending out cards this year instead of supplying a mountain of gifts under the tree, then that’s your limit, not someone else’s.
What does it mean to never be doing enough, and what does it lead to in the end? A whole lot of burn out. To avoid this unfortunate outcome, you need to prioritize setting and keeping boundaries. Creating boundaries and adhering to them can be challenging if you’re usually regarded as an empath. A boundary can look different for all sorts of people. Whether it manifests as staying at the party for only an hour, versus not going at all, both are examples of setting a boundary when confronted with expectations and obligations. People might question your reasons for leaving, or ignore them, but what’s important is to focus on your boundary. You placed it for a reason, and if they can’t understand, it doesn’t matter. If they love you, they will make an effort to understand.
Another behavior associated with the holidays is the need to always show off. If all you did this year was survive, then that is good enough. You don’t need to travel to another country, or get top grades, or do anything else that warrants bragging. Instead of getting involved in the achievements of everyone else in your family, set another boundary and remember to be proud of yourself for doing what you can. Sometimes, even the “most wonderful time of the year” can be a struggle.
So, any time you feel like you’re about to drown in the flood from the hurricane of the holidays, find solace in the fact that you may be a bit shaken, but are still alive. Remember that there is no “perfect Christmas,” and, most importantly, remember that you aren’t alone. Besides, if you aren’t taking care of yourself, how can you possibly gather enough energy to take care of others? Remind yourself, just like when the flight attendant pulls out the oxygen mask for demonstration, “to assist yourself before assisting others.”
In all seriousness, Christmas looks different for every family all over the world. If what you are doing during this cold, blustery time of the year is cozy up under blankets with a furry animal or a hot drink is enough for you, then rest assured, it is enough. You are enough. Happy holidays from all of us here at the Motif, and remember that even if you’re simply reading our newspaper, even that counts as a ‘win’ for you! See you next year!
