If there were candy conversation hearts for beer lovers, what would they say? I came up with a few: BEER ME, WYSO, WANNA PINT, HOPPY 4 U, LUKR LOVE, and WILL U BEER MINE?
I might be onto something. Conversations via candy might be a more effective way to communicate. From my single-life experience, I feel people aren’t interested in making an effort to get to know someone outside of texting. Has love gone out of style? Are single people happier with a life of solitude? Is this because all our boxes need to be checked off to commit? Tall or short? Strong or weak? Flat or big head? Light or dark? Obviously these are beer questions, not filters to narrow down a potential person of interest.
Are you a hopeless romantic? Or maybe just a Zythophile? Either way, beer may be your perfect Valentine. Unlike a dating app, you can sample beer at most breweries before you decide. There is no swiping left or right, no one’s feelings get hurt, and you get to bring your lips to the glass and swallow without any regrets. Just choose another beer! Here are some possibilities that may serve up whatever kinky, unique, or conventional pint you desire.
WESSIDE FROM LONG LIVE BEERWORKS
When I saw this 7% IPA, I was looking for love. Love is what I found. Sure, there was Hopeless Romantic IPA with its alluring can art staring at me. The wistful pour from Wesside won me over. Its hazy, dark-orange pour and waterfall lacing were enough to make me not want to share. Hopped with Citra and Centennial, it has the aroma and flavors of grapefruit and orange. A citrus rind finish makes any craft beer lover want to take it home. Yes, I did – and four of them!
MORNING INDULGENCE FROM PIVOTAL BREWING COMPANY
Testosterone and estrogen levels replenish overnight along with oxytocin. This trio of love hormones increases one’s libido. How about a little Morning Indulgence? Why yes, I think I will. This 2-year anniversary stout was made with MMMBop-Tarts (freshly made tarts) from Basil & Bunny. This 11% ABV dark-colored stout is not a pump and dump one-night stand. You will linger long on sips of dark chocolate, caramel, and sweet raspberries.
TWILIGHT DUST FROM PHANTOM FARMS BREWING
Maybe you are more of a crepuscular, or maybe you are an opacarophile. Both are beautiful times of the day. Twilight is the time between sunset and dusk; dusk the transition of day to night. Can’t decide between these two romantic times of day? How about a little of both? A double lover if you are. Twilight Dust is made with five different hops to give you a polyamorous experience far beyond your palate dreams. I reached out to Phantom Farms to provide some notes about tasting and the love of craft beer. “Twilight Dust is a DIPA that balances bold hop expression with a smooth drinkability. At 7.6% ABV, it showcases a dynamic blend of Riwaka CGX, Nelson GCX, and Hyperboost Citra, delivering bright tropical notes, citrus zest, and a touch of dank complexity. Debuting originally at Beervana!” “If love is about passion and craft, then Twilight Dust is a nice match — it’s a beer that brings together intensity and nuance, just like any great love story..!” If this doesn’t fill your hop-heart with deep affection and fondness, I don’t know what will.
LAGERED HEDONISM FROM MONIKER BREWERY
When I go on vacation I generally prefer adults only. Sometimes you don’t realize what you signed up for when you decide on this type of vacation. Some are tame, others are wild. Some are semi-nude, and others provide a full frontal. If this is a little too lascivious for you,perhaps hedonism is something to look into. There’s no need to strip down. This is a liquid version that will feel a lot safer to you. Lagered Hedonism from Moniker Brewery is a Czech Dark Lager. The ABV of this debauchery of enjoyment has varied depending on the version. I sampled “03”. This 4.3 % ABV Lager pours a dark brown with red undertones. It has notes of caramel and sweet malt on the nose and front-end palate. That sweet malt lingers on the tongue, reminding you that you want to take another sip. Go ahead, let go and live a little!
NAUTI KNOTS FROM VIGILANT BREWING COMPANY
Want to spice things up in your life? A little consensual pleasure of resistance? Don’t restrain yourself – enjoy a pint of Nauti Knots from Vigilant Brewing Company. When you see this 8.5% ABV triple-dry-hopped DIPA’s mango-colored pour you will let go of all your inhibitions. The scent is nothing short of an aphrodisiac. It lures you in with a tropical fruit aroma, only to be taken over by a bitter love bite, mixed with the sweetness of a blood orange. This beer is my liquid form of S&M: saccharomyces and malt liquor. This DIPA is going to keep your palate tied up in flavorful sips. If hops don’t make you horny and malt doesn’t make your heart melt, most breweries have other options for you. There are a handful that offer hop water, hard seltzers, non-alcoholic beer and beverages. Why are you at a brewery anyway if you don’t like beer? If there is a style of beer you prefer let the brewery know. The local breweries need our support, especially in this economy. Now if you will excuse me, I need to sip into something delicious. Until next time Happy Beer-entine’s Day and cheers to local craft beer! •
