In recent news, the national administration has trimmed and furloughed workers in the FAA and NOAA. Because flight-safety and weather are clearly two concerns we are completely on top of right now. Thus we bring you post-populism, where we encourage the public to self-sabotage and act against their best interests in ways so blatant it has to be ironic, filled with self-hate and punishment, set to the resonant tunes of glory and progress.
Local Pokes
As a RI-based satire column, is there any chance we could see some local shenanigans to make fun of that maybe could keep up with the national tumult? When asked, Governor McKee responded, “Uhhmmm.” Later adding, “We have something in the works. And the Bridge is no one’s fault.” Mayor Smiley offered to demonstrate his solidarity with the homeless by not living in his East Side residence for the next month (He will be roughing it out of Buddy Cianci’s old suite at the top of the Biltmore/Graduate). And the administration of Fall River unexpectedly offered to generate satirical content for us, “for the right price.” Alas, we don’t have the necessary cabbage under our tables.
National Testing Service So, back to the national news: This is a test. This is only a test of the dictatorship-blocking system. He’s not the first president to test it – FDR and TR, as just two examples, tested the stretchiness of executive powers and would likely have loved to just abolish Congress so they could get things done. FDR famously tried to undermine the judicial branch by “packing” the Supreme Court by expanding it to 18 seats. He would have, of course, had to appoint the judges to fill those new seats. But no one’s really put the constitutional checks and balances through the wringer like this since technology and communications evolved to their current inglorious rapidity. Imagine the Founding Fathers contemplating social media, identity theft, or digital devices. They’d be waving cobblestones around, asking their grandkids, “How do I turn this damn thing on?” Except Ben Franklin – he’d already have hacked them.
How’s the test going?
1. Can the Executive branch enable an external auditing organization, like DOGE, without the approval of Congress?
2. Can the Executive branch share data – potentially personal data – with such an entity?
3. Can the EB (typing “executive branch” over and over is inefficient, folks!) fire indiscriminately (or discriminately is perhaps a better term) from departments enacted but not managed by Congress?
4. Can Elon Musk run for office in Germany? Canada? South Africa? Where can we send this guy?
5. Can the EB undermine the intent of Congress by crippling a Congressionally created department with layoffs or restrictions that essentially neutralize it?
6. Can the EB be sued in the court system if any of this is found to be unconstitutional? 7. Can the EB reneg on financial promises made to other countries? On commitments made to states? This is particularly relevant to Rhode Island (see our column from EcoRI, or consider the transportation infrastructure support the state is relying on).
7. Can the EB use the power of the pardon to release a personal rag-tag army?
9. Can the EB inch toward martial law using enforcement offices other than the military, that are empowered to work on US soil?
Scoring: If you answered no on six and yes on the rest, you may have authoritarian tendencies. While it was nice to live in a country where these questions were not top of mind, there’s a solid argument that an occasional enema is good for any system. So far, this administration is pushing boundaries and we’ll see the Constitutional restraints pushing back. Test scores so far look like the administration is scoring a gentleman’s A for effort, while the Constitution is hanging in with a solid B+. Except the exam is really pass/fail, and that has yet to be graded.
One More Yoke
Finally, we need to address the price of eggs. While we admit, it’s a little disturbing that the cost of these culinary globes is achieving a news profile greater than the current global wars or human illnesses (see Mark Zuckerberg on dead squirrels in his backyard), this has become a crisislevel situation. President Trump has formed a celebrity board to focus specifically on the Avian Flu and its eggcessive impact on America’s baking and breakfast needs. The cross-the-aisle committee will include Donald Duck (Disney), Daffy Duck (Looney Tunes), Big Bird (Sesame Street), the Road Runner (Looney Tunes) and will be chaired by Howard the Duck (Marvel) who will bring his extensive superhero industry connections to the table. The fowl expertise of this fiercely feathered flightless forum is expected to bring “huge” results to efforts to combat Bird Flu, and also promises to “Quack the egg problem.” No word yet on whether the Trump administration knows (or cares) that these board members are fictional characters. Their first move is accepting an offer from the NRA to provide a flock of decoy birds, “To distract and confuse the virus.” The administration is working on dipping these decoys in bleach. •
This is satire. The opinions herein are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of Motif or any other Motif writers.
Duck decoy artwork: Rose Campbell-Gerke, via National Gallery of Art.
