Events:

  • The House Combo

     Spice up your Mondays with live Americana played by an ever-changing roster of musicians. 

    December 7 @ 9:00 pm - 11:00 pm
    |Recurring Event (See all)

    An event every week that begins at 9:00 pm on Monday, repeating until December 31, 2020

  • The House Combo

     Spice up your Mondays with live Americana played by an ever-changing roster of musicians. 

    December 14 @ 9:00 pm - 11:00 pm
    |Recurring Event (See all)

    An event every week that begins at 9:00 pm on Monday, repeating until December 31, 2020

  • The House Combo

     Spice up your Mondays with live Americana played by an ever-changing roster of musicians. 

    December 21 @ 9:00 pm - 11:00 pm
    |Recurring Event (See all)

    An event every week that begins at 9:00 pm on Monday, repeating until December 31, 2020

  • The House Combo

     Spice up your Mondays with live Americana played by an ever-changing roster of musicians. 

    December 28 @ 9:00 pm - 11:00 pm
    |Recurring Event (See all)

    An event every week that begins at 9:00 pm on Monday, repeating until December 31, 2020

Newspaper Cowboy

High Stakes: There’s a lot going on in the minds of Americans

Everything You Wanted to Know About the Electorate (But Were Afraid to Ask) Doomers: “I didn’t vote because Rhode Island was going blue anyway. You want to make a difference? Move to Florida, man. And I can’t do that.” Republican Voters of Any Age: “I enjoy setting fire to other people’s pets. And you can’t […]

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Fall of Civilization: AltFacts makes some predictions to help you navigate the season

Trick eTreat With the likelihood of the COVID-19 pandemic continuing through the winter, Governor Gina Raimondo has announced that trick-or-treating will be prohibited this Halloween. But the noted lover-of-children has a trick up her sleeve. Kids of the Ocean State can pester their neighbors for protection candy through Zoom video conferences. Their targets will be […]

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We Have Free Speech: And I’d like to speak to your manager

Leave the White People Alone: An Open Letter Dear Manager of “Black Lives Matter,” We have been hearing a lot about “people of color” of late and how these communities have been experiencing prejudice in the free nation that is the United State of America. In case you hadn’t noticed, this is extremely prejudicial itself. […]

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AltFacts: A Sparkling Blanket of Satire: Citizens’ questionable decisions are snow surprise

Snow Joke Rhode Islanders were again taken by surprise Sunday and Monday as snow fell in the state for the first time this winter. “Snow isn’t that frequent in Rhody,” explained a surprised Mikey from Cheapachet. “Sometimes we go whole seasons without seeing any. To have had this storm, well, let’s say nobody was expecting […]

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AltFacts: There’s a New Sauvage in Town: Newspaper Cowboy steps aside in the face of Indigenous half-truths

In light of Thanksgiving’s imminent arrival, I, The Sarcastic Sauvage of the Kiowa and Apache peoples, will be Custering the Newspaper Cowboy, and taking over this edition of Alt-Facts. Get ready for some Indigenous truths, direct from Indian Country.  Wiyot Tribe Wins “Indian Island” (could settlers think of a lazier name?) lies on the California […]

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AltFacts: Minimalism Gone Too Far: Eventually, we’ll slurp coffee from our hands

Save the Ice! (Lunchtime Quickie) Newly rebranded Dunkin, now without the Donuts, will enhance its stripped-back approach by dropping the ice from its range of iced coffees. Speaking from headquarters, Dunkin’s marketing manager, S. Presso, commented, “It’s been a success that really helps the bottom line; ice wastage is a big concern in the commercial […]

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AltFacts: Bright Ideas: Bringing pizza to the masses

Brainwashing (and Drying) Last week, Rhode Islanders learned that the Democratic Party actively participates in the brainwashing of African-American communities. The revelation was brought to light by URI graduate and Trumpite Republican Candace Owens, who explained at a Rhode Island Young Republicans event that Democrats treat minorities “like puppies that need rescuing … they don’t […]

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AltFacts: Newsiest News from Round the World: Grab your knobs and your crayons, folks

Don’t Be a Knob (Israel) Perpetual imperialist Israel is at it yet again. Last week, the nation’s prime minister, Benny Nuttyyahoo, announced plans to annex the West Bank should he survive the country’s upcoming election. The Anglo-Stalinist wet dream has spent the greater part of its existence tormenting their neighbors in the name of Yahweh, […]

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AltFacts: Cranston Commies in Converse: Kids demand to do whatever they want

Introducing the CCCP (Cranston Children Communist Party) As the public schools crisis continues to grip the state, the children of Rhode Island have taken matters into their own hands. On September 2, a pre-organized underground mob of 1,500 fourth graders stormed school buildings across Rhody and declared a coup in the name of communism and […]

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