In Providence: Tag Me Next Time

“I think every woman’s dated that guy. He’s– I can’t believe I dated him for as long as I did. That’s the thing. Every woman dates a guy like that, but I date them twice as long as anybody else does. That’s my problem. I don’t know when to call it.

This one– He was Mr. Providence.

He really thought–

He thought he could be Mayor.

That’s how he acted.

I would go over his house, and he would have lists of places he needed to go in Providence, and the lists were based on places you had to go to in Providence. Like, if there was a new restaurant, he has to go to that restaurant. If there’s a big event or fundraiser everybody is going to, he has to be there.

This is a guy–

He didn’t make much money. He made less than me, and I don’t think I make that much at all. But he would buy tickets to everything, and he had to get the VIP tickets.

I would ask him–

Why are we going to the Providence Preservationists Society’s annual thing that they do?

If you’re a Preservationist, okay. We can go. If you support the cause, I’ll go with you. But he would go to everything, and you can’t tell me you support every cause, and– and like I said, he didn’t have the money to be supporting all these causes.

He would tell you, too.

I would ask him–

Why are we going to this? Is this something you–?

I think it’ll be fun!

That was what he would say.

I think it will be fun.

You want to know something?

It’s never fun.

No offense to these– these events or the planners, but it’s a whole thing to get dressed up and go and he–

He didn’t know anybody at these things.

We would go. He would get pictures of himself there. Hardly ever took pictures of me, and I don’t care about tagging myself places. He had to tag himself. Had to tag everybody there. All the higher-ups at every different thing.

I told my friend about it and she tells me–

He likes networking. That’s good. It means he has goals.

What’s his goal?

To get every chef in Providence to follow him on Instagram?

That’s not a goal.

Get a good job.

Buy a house.

Comb your hair.

Those are goals.

We go out to eat–

Is the chef here?

He has to talk to the chef.

These people aren’t your friends.

They don’t want to be bothered by you.

They’re at work.

They’re working.

Who do you think you are?

I would think that, but I wouldn’t say it.

Who do you think you are?

One time I said–

Can’t we just enjoy our meal?

He didn’t know what I meant.

I dropped it.

Because I wanted to say–

Do you have to tag us here and take pictures of the food and tag the chef in the post and the restaurant so you can let everybody know you’re a big shot?

He’s a grown man.

He’s not a teenager.

What are you trying to do?

Become an influencer?

Over the summer, he wanted to take me to some art thing outdoors.

I said–

There’s a f___ing pandemic going on. I’m not going to some art thing with people walking around.

No, everybody’s going. It’s going to be good.

I don’t care if everybody’s going. I’m not going. There’s a pandemic. What’s wrong with you?

That time I did say it to him.

By then, I’d had it.

And once I’ve had it, I’ve had it.

It killed him.

This pandemic.

Because all he’s about is where he is, and who he’s with, and going on vacation, and pictures of everything.

As soon as he couldn’t do that anymore, it was like somebody took his personality away.

I told him we’re lucky, because we have each other, we can quarantine together, be a pod together, and he was losing his mind.

He said it was mental health.

I call bulls___.

I call bulls___ because if what it takes to keep your mental health where it needs to be is bragging to everybody online about how you got to go to the soft opening of this new place that’s opening downtown, then your mental health is not in good shape regardless, you know?

Between you and me–

No, you know what?

Never mind.

You can put this in the column, I don’t care.

I really don’t.

Like I said, I’ve had it.

He wanted to throw a Gatsby party when the book came out and went into the public domain.

I’m not joking.

We got people dying everyday. My cousin caught it. Thank god, she’s all right, but she does everything right and she caught it, and he’s talking about doing a swinger party at his house and wouldn’t that be fun?

I said–

Are you out of your mind?

And that was the final straw.

Because he was really going to do it!

We’ll all wear masks.

My cousin never takes off her mask and she got it.

But god forbid he has to go a whole year without having a party. A whole year with no pictures of him and his cool friends all dressed up with stupid captions.

None of them are smart.

I’ll just say it–

Not one of them is smart, and most of them are ugly.

I’m no prize, but you’ve never seen pastier women in your life who all think they’re Beyonce with these dresses they have made, and they act like they don’t want to tell you how much it cost, but that’s all they care about. If nobody asks them what the dress they’re wearing costs, they’ll wait until they’re drunk and then blurt it out.

One of them said to me when I first started dating him–

You know you’re dating the Mayor of Providence, right?

I didn’t know what she meant.

No, I’m not.

She kept saying it.

Everybody knows him. He’s the Mayor of Providence.

Let me tell you something–

The mayor is the mayor.

This is a guy who made me go to Los Andes three times a week just to see who he could run into while we were there.

My sister called me last night and said–

You still dating Mr. Providence?

I told her–

No, I’m done. He wanted to throw a party.

She was so happy. 

She couldn’t stand him.

She told me I did the right thing.

You’re going to be a lot happier without him.

I told her I already am.

You can’t believe how happy I am.

I deleted my Instagram and everything.

I wanted to do it while we were dating, but he didn’t think it was a good idea, because he wanted to be able to tag me in things.

Yeah, well, I got rid of Instagram and I got rid of him.

You should go talk to him for your column.

See how that Gatsby party went.

I bet he got some great pictures.”

Disclaimer: The In Providence column is a slice of life in Providence based on true stories. Each column may include elements of creative non-fiction. See our story on that concept here:https://motifri.com/in-providence-creative-writing-taking-on-the-burden-of-the-truth/