Learning to Fight Loneliness

It’s Friday night. I’m sitting on my couch watching every episode of The Office for the third time this year. I look at my cell phone – no calls, no texts. I look at my social media – no comments, no likes. This is when it happens. Thick and heavy tendrils of emptiness and yearning wrap themselves around me. Once again, I have that all too familiar feeling: I am so alone.

It’s easy to feel like we don’t have a place in the world. It’s easy to feel like there’s no one similar to us. But these are lies our brain tells us. There are so many things to do, so many people to meet, and so many places to go. There’s always something to fight that dreaded lonely feeling. We just have to try.

Where do I start, Logan? Great question, reader. Here’s a list of ways to kick loneliness in the butt:

DATE YOURSELF

We often tell ourselves we can’t go out alone. This is straight up false. Dating yourself is freedom itself. You get to choose exactly what you want to do, free of judgment. You can eat, drink, and do literally anything you want. You call the shots. This freedom allows you to learn who you really are, and what you really like. Being solitary doesn’t mean you have to be lonely. So, go see a movie, go to a restaurant, go to a park! You got this. Treat yourself. Self care is not selfish.

CLASSES

Classes are a great way to find new interests and meet new people. Like art? There are classes for painting, drawing, stained glass, sculpture, and more. Like music? Sign up for guitar or singing lessons and next karaoke night you can proudly belt out “Don’t Stop Believing” and show everyone that you can hold on to that feeling. Feeling funny? Take an improv class. There are great improv classes, like Providence Improv Guild (PIG) and Kismet Improv. You can find classes online or join with a friend. Learning a new challenging hobby is amazing for your brain. Learning improves memory, and increases dopamine. Your brain loves learning. If I was your mom, I’d hang your new talents on my fridge. I’m proud of you for trying.

SOCIAL CLUBS

Social clubs are exactly what they sound like – clubs to be social. What fights loneliness better than that? There are clubs to play games, celebrate your heritage, or to meet up for a show. Meetup.com and Providence.beyondthenest.com are great ways to find people with similar interests. Nextdoor.com is a great way to meet people within your neighborhood, and create your own community. The Providence Elks Lodge, Rotary Club, and Lion’s Club are all social clubs that provide activities for members and help to enrich the community through charity and volunteer work. By helping yourself, you could help someone else. If you’re a veteran, meet other veterans at Veteran of Foreign Wars (VFW) posts located throughout RI. For people celebrating their heritage, there are various cultural clubs for Portuguese Americans, Italian Americans, and more. My personal favorite is the German American Social Club in Pawtucket. Meeting new people is hard, y’all. It’s hard to leave the house, but once you’re out there, it’s easy to keep it going.

SPORTS

For those who are able to participate, team sports are a great way to make life-long friends. Exercise increases your mental health and dopamine levels. There are running groups, walking groups, water aerobics, and so on taking place throughout the state. Providence even has its own kickball league (PKL). Ever hear of the Super Fun Activities Club? Check it out. It’s exactly what it sounds like. I personally suggest yoga. Yoga helps with mindfulness, decreases anxiety, depression, and pain. Yoga increases dopamine, and helps with cardiovascular strength. Yoga’s pretty cool you guys. Whatever your sports interests are, you can find a group for you.

VOLUNTEERING

There’s nothing more rewarding to me than helping people who truly need it. Volunteering increases mindfulness, and establishes one-on-one connections with others. It brings people together, makes connections, and is known to improve both your mental and physical health, along with improving the lives of others. It is an incredibly rewarding feeling. You can join the Providence Rotary Club which embodies the motto “service before self.” Taking the time to help, and listening to people’s stories, can make the world of difference for a person. I still live by the golden rule: “Treat others as you would like to be treated.”

ADOPT AN ANIMAL

Not everyone wants to socialize with humans. When I removed myself from the ridiculous world of online dating, I decided to get Gertrude Elizabeth. My little puppy vastly improved my life. The unconditional love animals give cannot be replaced. I never feel alone with my animals around. I do caution that caring for animals is a commitment to be taken seriously. Before you adopt, make sure you can provide their forever home. Animals are not accessories. Not sure you can commit? Foster an animal in need for a few weeks or try a more basic pet first, like a fish. Can’t handle a fish? Try a plant. Caring for something gives life meaning.

One important note: Please use caution when meeting strangers. Before you leave the house, let a friend know where you are headed. Meet new people in public places, and don’t leave your drink with a stranger. Safety should be your first priority.

That said, there are so many things to keep loneliness at bay. Not everyone is a social butterfly, and that’s more than ok. The best advice I can give is: Don’t compare yourself to anyone else. No one is perfect when they first start something. Not everyone is going to be good at everything on the first try. We learn more from failing than we do from succeeding. So get out there. Just do it. Look up an interest, find a place, sign up, and commit. It is not easy stepping out of your comfort zone, but you can do it. I believe in you.