Advice from the Trenches: Beating the Odds

Dear C,

I caught my partner masturbating in the middle of the night when I got up to use the bathroom. HE says he read online that it was good for his health and “keeps him young” if he does it daily. I am not sure how I feel about it. I certainly don’t want to have sex with him every day! In fact, once a week is really more than enough now that I’m working full time.

I can’t help wondering — is it true that it is good for his health? Or is there something wrong here?

Concerned

Dear Concerned,

First, let me reassure you. Married men masturbate. Men are capable of having more orgasms than you can ever imagine. It is not unknown for men to feel the need three times a day … and the rate at which teen boys can get it up is somewhat awe inspiring.

However, let’s consider the “daily dose” idea. Yup, there is strong evidence that an orgasm a day supports prostate health. Orgasm has also been shown to help alleviate depression and anxiety, and improve overall immune functioning. But exactly how many orgasms are we talking about?

The jury is out on whether a lot of orgasms are good for you. I sense that it is a highly subjective, and age-related, matter. The fact is, many men reported having more energy overall when they reduced their weekly ration of Os. The head of the national soccer team in Brazil routinely bans sex before the World Cup competitions. In fact, it has been routine practice to caution athletes from engaging in sexual intimacy before events since the first Olympics back in 444 BC. But is such an extreme measure either advantageous or necessary? Some scientists suggest that abstinence could help some athletes concentrate better. However, scientists also dismiss the idea that sex the night before competition has a tiring effect on an athlete or weakens muscles. The punch line? I’d say that it’s pretty much up to the individual to decide which scientists’ theories they like better. After all, science has been known to change its mind about many things, including the idea that the earth is flat.

A better question here is why does your partner feel the need to hide his extracurricular activities from you? Do the two of you come from a religious background that prohibitions masturbation or threatens followers with dire predictions of premature blindness? Do you have a dim view of masturbation yourself? The practice is far more admitted to these days, but there are still quite a few women who are squeamish about it.

I think it’s good that this issue is out in the open. It might be the right time for you and your partner to see if you can take your sex life to a more adventurous level. Few relationships include daily sex, but having an appreciation of each other’s masturbation preferences can open up possibilities that can be quite intriguing. One of the reasons that lesbians have better female O technique is that they are so familiar with it themselves. How much does your partner really know about what takes you to the limit? And what do you know about him?

Quite honestly, my only concern here is the timing. There’s nothing abnormal about pumping iron at night, but if it is going on at 3 in the morning, I gotta wonder what else is keeping the guy up (no pun intended). It wouldn’t hurt to ask.

In summary: the list of benefits that orgasm can produce is pretty impressive. In addition to the stuff already mentioned, orgasms improve circulation, increase fertility in women, promote healthy hormone levels and spike DHEA levels to improve brain function and promote clear skin. They can even help cure migraines. And here’s an encouraging thought: If your partner is masturbating at home, he’s probably not having an affair. If you can’t imagine having sex more than once a week, I would not mess with the guy’s current methods.