Phillipe & Jorge’s Cool, Cool World: Vote, Damn It, Signs of Football Season, Art and Presidents

A Cryin’ Shame

There is an old joke about asking someone for the definition of “ignorance and apathy,” to which the person curtly responds, “I don’t know and I don’t care.”

Well, you can apply that to more than half the eligible voters in RI, along with the observation that they are assholes who don’t recognize the gift of voting in a democracy where they can decide who their political leaders will be. Instead, we get what we pay for in the way of politicians, and you can judge for yourself how that is working out for The Biggest Little, with daily life at Halitosis Hall looking and exhibiting behavior like it was an annex of the Roger Williams Park Zoo.

In new numbers released by the U.S. Census Bureau, only 43.3% of the state’s eligible voters took part in the 2014 election, ranking Little Rhody 25^th nationally. This is shameful and shows the ignorance and arrogance of a braindead electorate who can’t pull themselves away from their Cheetos and grape soda long enough to help determine their future. And who then bitch about it when the government or public officials screw them. “You no play-a the game, you no make-a the rules,” as the old line about the Pope pontificating about abortion used to go. (At least we can take comfort that more than half the mouth-breathing morons supporting Donald Trump will not vote because they will be either too drunk or too stupid to find a polling place.)

And in Vo Dilun, this self-inflicted travesty of justice is compounded by the number of politicians who run unopposed, giving a free pass to many — including members of the political leadership on Smith Hill — so that they are accountable to no one except themselves. What a terrific way to curb corruption, eh Gordon Fox, et al.?

Years ago, a colleague visited P&J from Indonesia, where after decades of living under a harsh dictatorial rule of what they called “KKN,” standing for “corruption, collusion and nepotism,” the people had just been allowed to vote, often literally risking their lives to do so. They turned out at about a 98% rate. When we told him that only half of America’s eligible voters took part in the last presidential election, he laughed. He thought we were joking with him. When informed that it was the truth, he pondered that fact for a moment and then started crying.

Welcome to America. Sissy.

Signage Challenge

Phillipe and Jorge don’t even want to get into the fact that any judge worth his or her robes should throw the NFL’s case for suspending Tom Brady out of court for insufficient evidence, as we believe saying someone was purportedly “generally aware” of a transgression doesn’t seem to jibe too well with being innocent “until proven guilty.” But we’ll leave that to the federal appeals case currently being made on Brady’s behalf by the NFL Players Association to have the suspension overturned.

But P&J are not going to delve into the mess that the incompetent, overpaid and arrogant NFL commish Roger Goodell has made of Deflategate. The lily-livered Goodell already asked to have his Maine summer home put under police surveillance lest some of the playful local laddies wearing Patriots caps and replica jerseys decide to pull a harmless prank like spray-painting the shingles or burning it to the ground. But P&J are more interested in going Vegas on y’all with specialty bets on New England’s first home game at Gillette Stadium, a preseason contest versus the Green Bay Packers on August 13.

Since this falls on a Thursday night, it will get national TV attention, we are certain. So our first wager is the over/under on how many signs get smuggled into the stadium that when unfurled say, “F**k Goodell,” or its equivalent, which we will put at 1,000. The second is the number of those messages that manage to make it on camera, which we will set at 10. You can be sure the TV cameramen will be instructed with the cold steel of an NFL pistol at their temple not to show any banners or signs that target their half-assed leader. But we trust the Yankee ingenuity of the fans to find spots that must draw the camera’s eye during the game, such as behind the goal posts. We are counting on you, Pats fans. Even nine making the air before a sniper shoots out the TV camera lens would do the trick as far as we’re concerned.

Don’t Drink the Purell

The Associated Press exposed the fact that the waters off of Rio De Janeiro, where 2016 Olympic Games sailing and swimming events will take place, is a threat to human health because of viruses and bacteria from the human waste that pours untreated in the city’s coastal waters. This has has been the case for years on end, we might add, so no “Sur-prahz, sur-prahz, Gomer!” element for Olympic organizers there.

But the inspiring quote of the week comes from Dr. Richard Budgett, medical director for the International Olympic Committee — a group that rivaled soccer’s FIFA in the past for worldwide corruption and incompetence. His profound suggestion for the Olympic sailors who will get toxic spray into their eyes and mouths, and the swimmers who will be totally immersed in this vile open cesspool and no doubt swallowing a pint or twain when they compete? “Washing your hands is an extremely important part of reducing the risk of infection of any sort.” No problem! Bob’s your uncle!

So let’s scrub-a-dub-dub those hands, athletes, and we’re sure that the water in the Olympic Village will be equally clean … whether someone flushes or not.