Phillipe & Jorge’s Cool, Cool World: Licensed to choose

The People’s Choice

There is an old RI adage that says there are a million people in the state, therefore a million different opinions on every subject you can bring up.

Hence the incredibly important and critical issue of what our new license plates should look like, which is now being brought to Vo Dislunders to vote upon. While we love the idea of open public input on any government decisions, let us perhaps wait a beat.

In past years, Phillipe and Jorge have relied upon our chauffeur, Bruno, to get us the vanity plates for our limousine. During his last attempt, he came up with the quite notable and applaudable “PNJ.” He then explained that his first choice, “ASSHOLES,” was unfortunately too long.

So now we, the great unwashed, have been given the choice among five different plates to replace the none-too-beloved gray “Wave” plates. While this is a great nod to public opinion, here’s what can happen (hilariously).

In 2016, the British government asked for a name from the concerned taxpayers of the UK for a new, gigantic and highly publicized polar research vessel through its Natural Resources Research Council via best suggestions. What they ended up with, through a screamingly laughable result, was a vast majority of voters choosing “Boaty McBoatface.” Supporters of the movement even asked the world-famous TV environmentalist icon Sir David Attenborough if he minded if it were christened “Sir Boaty McBoatface.”

Needless to say, the public’s demand didn’t fly. (You chickens.)

But as far as P&J are concerned, the only one of the plates with any sense of dignity, save for Buddy McCianciface, is the one with the dark blue panel at the top with a sailboat and Newport Bridge laid back in the heart of the plate. And we remain confounded that our personal submission, with the highlighted top panel saying “Lobsters and Mobsters,” and featuring a man on one side in a black suit and fedora pointing a gun at a lobster with its claws in the air on the opposite side, did not receive full consideration. Sorry, Raymond.

But what do we know? Except that your opinion, not ours, sucks.

Motif Told You So

Now that the feds have joined R.I. Attorney General Peter Neronha in investigating the blatantly rigged contract bid from Governor Dan (Who He?) McKee’s buddies at the improbable “ILO Group” within days of his inauguration, may we take you back to what Phillipe and Jorge wrote in this space months ago, under the title “Ticking Bomb”:

“Keep your eye on the potential political explosion over the awarding of a $5.2 million contract to the neophyte consulting firm ILO Group for education reform and school reopening strategies. As far as scandals go, this is a full Rhode Island…

“ILO was not formed until after Governor Dan “Who He?” McKee took office from Gina Raimondo.  And ILO was not only full to the rim with McKee acolytes and backers, but was given the hands-on guidance of his staffers on how to submit the bid for the contract.

“The Department of Education and statehouse legislators have looked at this deal with raised eyebrows and sideways glances, but they know just what went on between ILO and McKee’s crew. Now the state police and attorney general Peter Neronha have also started looking into this rotten fish.

“…You sleep with one eye open, Danny Boy.”

P&J are always at your service. No need for applause.

Purple Reign

As unabashed fans of British royalty (because who could be more of a trove of cable TV fodder and hoots), P&J saw the royal family take a kick in the chops when they sent Prince Wills and the immaculate Kate, (whatever her title is, but she is still drop-dead beautiful, which will excuse any future trysts with royal handlers (geddit?)) down to the Caribbean to try to make nice with their former colonies, most of which, like Barbados, are in the process of not having to kiss a 95-year old dowager’s bustle.

And why not? Cuckolded Prince Charles is a joke in England, still talking to his plants while enduring his dreadful wife Camilla (the cigarette-smoking, gin-drinking future Queen Consort and focus of Charles’ insane love letter, “I want to be your tampon”); And howsabout Randy Andy, the pedophile prince, who has disgraced the monarchy, most laughably with his photo of him with a 17-year old Jeffrey Epstein sex trafficked child, saying he never knew her nor could identify her. (You gonna believe me or your lying eyes?) And Harry and Meghan have also lost the royal plot, as they have become L.A. media whores of the first order.

No surprise, really. When P&J went to Sri Lanka (formerly Ceylon when the Brits were in town years ago), our colleagues there told us a joke that was known throughout all the British colonies:

Q: Why did the sun never set on the British Empire?

A: Because God never trusted Queen Victoria in the dark.

Ba-da-bam! Rule, Brittania (heh, heh).

Donald’s Dance

Today’s words of wisdom come from a quote attributed to the New York Times, via The Week magazine.

It is an old Russian proverb:

“If you invite a bear to dance, it’s not you who decides when the dance is over. It’s the bear.”

Congrats to Donald Trump for offering to do the Philly Stroll with Vlad Putin. We assume no crotch grabs were involved, unless it was by Vlad, because he already had America’s former number one sissy Cadet Bone Spurs and Putin sycophant, The Donald, by the balls.