Got Beer? A Beer with Balls

(Warning: The normal moratorium on puns is being lifted for this column. Reader discretion is advised.)

One of the rarest pleasures in life is finding some music that just perfectly fits the moment you’re going for. Romantic music for that special candlelit night, some nice slow jazzy music for a hot summer afternoon, and then there’s the music that’s just perfect for joyously and handily beating the living snot out of an imbecilic bunghole with an unwed mother. For that particularly rare night out, I would prefer the dulcet tones of AC/DC. There’s just no better music to stride into a bar, go right up to some lowlife you don’t like and slug him in the nads for a giggle.

So, of course, when I saw the 24 oz. can of AC/DC beer, I thought “Well Hell’s Bells, I can’t pass this Brain Shake up.” And yes, it’s going to be one of those columns. AC/DC doesn’t hold back, so why should I? Now strap in, because I’m gonna Shoot to Thrill.

According to the can, this is called Rock or Bust, and it’s brewed by Karlsberg Brauerei in Germany. Well, I’ll give them credit for going with an actually established brewery. You might recognize them as the brewers behind Karlsberg Lager and Urpils, so we know we’ll get something that’s at least recognizable as a genuine German style beer and not just a watery lager. Right? I mean, it says it’s brewed in accordance with the purity law, so at least we can be assured we’ll be spared any rice or corn adjuncts. But will this beer be some Dirty Deeds?

One of the things I’m desperately afraid of is that I just paid craft beer price for a mass-produced lager, so let’s dive in and see. For those about to rock, we salute you!

It pours a perfectly clear pale yellow, and has that very crispy, malty nose characteristic of most European Lagers. Okay, so it might be a little like a mass-produced lager, but it ain’t no noise pollution.

All right, to be fair it’s not that bad, but I’m not exactly Thunderstruck. Frankly, I was hoping for a little more, but I can’t complain too much. It could be significantly worse, so what the hell, I’m Giving the Dog a Bone.

It’s a light, sweet, malty, generic, lager that’s showing a significant lack of creativity and fun that I normally find in listening to AC/DC. Call me a Ballbreaker if you want, but this beer isn’t exactly T.N.T. When I listen to a group that’s released a song like “Big Balls,” it’s disappointing to see a beer with their name on it that refuses to take a chance. I was expecting at least a little High Voltage, but it’s only a 5% sessionable beer.

I’m just sorry that a band that makes me want to punch people for fun makes me want to punch people out of anger. Oh well.

Again, it could be a lot worse, as there could be a massive corn or rice grain bill. At least this is a passable lager without any major problems, but I wouldn’t call it Sweet Candy either. So while it’s not exactly a Highway to Hell, I don’t think I’ll get on this particular tour bus.

So until next time, and I’m sure all you rock fans saw this one coming, Have a Drink on Me.