Casual Sex and Consent

Consent. When we give ourselves to someone, what do we do to ourselves? We are giving ourselves and them permission to affect our mental, physical and emotional health.

Being aware of the parts of us that make us whole is important because we can use this knowledge to explore and grow. When exploring oneself through sexuality, this knowledge becomes even more important because of the health risks. Your life or sexual life is about balance between body, mind and heart, and finding balance is difficult. The path holds many wrong turns and it can take a while to know and find exactly what we are looking for. In order to protect ourselves, we must be the masters of our consent. In knowing we have choices and understanding their consequences, we can see the map and choose the way to our desired destination.

The Body. When you think of sex, most immediately think of the physical act. It can be a release and a pleasurable experience, a way of getting back to primal urges. In Casual Sex (CS), consensual sex happens with ease (lack of emotions) and without commitment. CS is supposed to be fun! It fulfills the body’s requirements and teaches you about your sexuality. One can have multiple CS experiences because the effects are solely on physical health, and when CS is no longer fun, it can be disposed of with little to no repercussions.

I’d like to make a general health and safety statement: All sex is a health risk. Whether it be STDs, pregnancy or putting your life at risk, be careful, use a condom and remember YOU are in charge of your sexual adventure. Be kind to yourself.

CS is not for everyone, but it does seem as though everyone goes through periods in their life when it is ideal. Sometimes it is because they cannot allow consent to their mind or heart due to trust and/or heartbreak issues. When dealing with trust issues or heartbreak, it’s always important to grieve and heal. Breaks can help with this. No one ever died from an chastity break. When there are fewer distractions, personal clarity can be discovered.

Mind. The ability to recognize a person in your life as reliable, dependable and ever-present is truly remarkable. When someone gives their mind to us, they grant us their trust and the knowledge that they will always be there for us. Friends with Benefits (FWB) is when we allow one of those trusted friends to be trusted with CS. These instances can go on for a short or long periods of time. Some can develop into more, evolving to include the heart, while others can leave the friendship broken forever. FWB is not something to lightly engage in with a dear friend, and friends should communicate with each other prior to any shenanigans. While exploring the consent of one’s mind, one will learn who they can and can’t trust.

Heart. Our emotions are always tied to our heart, and they can be the most complicated and painful to explore. The fact that the word sex can sometimes be replaced by the word love makes things more difficult when we engage in CS. The feelings of sex can be misleading. When the physical act is over and feelings remain, we get valuable insight into ourselves.

The heart can be a factor in FWB, but the degree is important because all friends have an amount of love for one another. The problem with FWB is that if one friend forms deeper feelings for the other and it’s not reciprocated, the balance is off. Someone is going to get stuck in the Friend Zone (FZ) and will get hurt. There is no balance in this situation and until the friend with the greater feelings can recognize it, they can’t begin to grieve and move on.

When we give ourselves consent to be aware that we can protect our mental, emotional and physical health while using our self knowledge to guide us, we open ourselves to the possibility of finding someone who fulfills all parts of us. If or when we find it, it can be very scary because the potential to lose it or hurt your mind, body, or heart is enormous.Being fearless, having no doubt and focusing on a budding relationship is hard, but ultimately well worth it. Having Body, Mind and Heart fulfilled will lead to happiness and greater self awareness. We will find ourselves exactly where we belong even if it’s not where we thought we were heading.