Interview with a Zombie

In anticipation of RI Comic Con, we invited a zombie to the Motif offices to discuss film, food, and the zombie lifestyle. He arrived in chains, led by his handler. Our interview follows:

Motif: Thank you for taking the time out of shambling to talk with me today. I notice you’re missing half your face. Tell me about that.

Zombie: Aaaaarrrrrrhhhh.


Motif: It was just an observation – I didn’t mean to insult. But in that same (atrophied) vein, I couldn’t help but notice how slowly you move. How do you feel about the way zombies were depicted in films like 28 Days Later?

Zombie: Uuuuuuuhhhhh.

Motif: Exactly! I completely agree with your thoughts on the government conspiracy concept. Now, since we’re talking about film, which George Romero film do you think best depicts your life?

Zombie: RrrrrrrrrAaaaaah!

Motif: It’s true. Diary of the Dead was shit. But if you were to keep a diary, what would you write?

Zombie: Mmmmmmmuuuuuuuuhhhh.

Motif: Ha! You sound like a tween girl. Do zombies really like hanging out at the mall as much as Dawn of the Dead would have us believe?

Zombie: Uuuuuuuuunnngh.

Motif: I know. I can totally picture you hanging out at Hot Topic (fashions to die for, amiright?). Are you looking forward to seeing so many of your kin and former victims at RI Comic Con in November? People like Scott Wilson (Hershel) and Michael Rooker (Merle)?

Zombie: RuRURu Gaaah.

Motif: Yes, we’ve heard people are dying to see that panel. Most of the original Star Trek cast will also be there. Do phasers set on “stun” affect zombies?

Zombie: Rrrrrrruuuuugh.

Motif: On a more serious note, what do you think contributes to the recent rise in popularity of the zombie? Is it a commentary on Americans’ fear of being consumed by their own excess? An allegory for conformity? Or is it simply a fad?

Zombie: mmmmmmmAAAAAH!

Motif: OK, I can call you Frank. And I think Epicurus would agree with your philosophy. I have one last question and this is simply out of my own curiosity. What does human flesh taste like?

Frank: Uuuuugh.

Motif: Chicken? Figures.