Philippe & Jorge’s Cool, Cool World: No Hope: Private embarrassment made public

FeinFeetNo Hope Point Tower

It was a bit embarrassing – not to mention absurd – to see the Providence City Council roll over like trained circus dogs to override Mayor Jorge Elorza’s veto of the changed zoning ordinance for the hideous Hope Point Tower on part of the old I-195 land parcel. The council went into the tank for a New York developer who probably can’t even find the site unaided, and whose ties to Little Rhody are nonexistent. Can you say “38 Studios,” boys and girls?

P&J understand the need for variances on projects that can contribute to the best needs of the community and  has far-reaching benefits to city, state and whomever. But when you approve a building that exceeds the established height code by more than 400 feet, something smells awfully fishy. Keep an eye on the bank accounts of those council members who voted to override Elorza’s intelligent original veto as time goes on. The proposed monstrosity reminds P&J of the striped stockings of the Wicked Witch of the East sticking out from Dorothy’s house that landed on her in The Wizard of Oz — only uglier.


The Urinal, which went belly-up for the project ages ago, has been no help, but then again, standing up for rich white guys is their stock in trade. Folks with more sense and a regard for maintaining the look and feel of the face that Providence puts on us all will likely hope to be dead or gone by the time the Hope Point Tower is erected.

Kwik Kwestion: Has anyone inquired of the Providence Fire Department if they have the capacity to deal with a fire on the 40th story of the 600-plus foot skyscraper? Or do folks who buy residences toward the top of the No-Hope Point Tower just plan to roll the dice and hope their smoke detectors are working? Just asking (while mouthing the words “towering inferno”).

Public Embarrassment

To go against the old “wish I was a fly on the wall” in regard to private meetings, the recent White House get-together of President Pussy-Grabber, Veep Creep Mike Pence, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer made your skin crawl when televised.

No one should be surprised by the Orange Orangutan’s threat to shut down the government if he doesn’t get $5 billion to build his border wall, because he has never given a crap about the best interests of Americans, as long as he can find a way to squeeze money out of us and whomever else is involved. Congratulations to the Great Unwashed in Middle America who put him in office who so value their independence, for getting totally hoodwinked by a New York City slicker who wouldn’t cross the street to piss on them if they were on fire.

As the dead-eyed head case Pence sat there like a shop window mannequin, The Donald took off on a usual narcissistic tirade, saying he would take “the mantle” of responsibility should he have to pull the plug on the government so he isn’t further embarrassed by his failure to deliver on his promised wall — never mind the idea that Mexico would pay for it. Si, si senor, you puta. And see how your spineless GOP compadres will react to your Little Fuhrer action if it becomes reality once the solids hit the fan. Planning on running in 2020? Maybe it’s time to spend “more hours with the family.”

Now, P&J have no time for the clapped-out hacks Pelosi and Schumer, who will be the kiss of death for the Dems’ 2020 election hopes. Got anyone out there under 65 without more baggage than Cher’s travelling wardrobe who might put a nice front on the party, folks? Unfortunately, P&J can’t think of anyone, as even Joe Biden is still considering a presidential run so he can die in office in his 80s. No, no, no.

You had to love the video of the meeting with Trump sitting on his chair in his usual sitting-on-a-toilet pose as he went after Schumer and Pelosi. Fortunately, they took the path of paying out the rope to let The Donald hang himself, essentially laughing in his face, which a psychopathic blowhard like Trump cannot bear. Reports were that Trump threw a sheaf of briefing papers away in the hallway in fury as he exited, which is apt because he would not have read them anyway. But we are sure the disdain with which he was treated probably led to a long night with mail order bride Zsa Zsa, and his top “advisors,” Ivanka and Jared. (Salud John Kelley: Better to bail out now than to have to put a bullet in your head to preserve your honor. And we hope to get an update on how many people who were asked to be chief of staff will run like Usain Bolt away from President Head Case’s offers. Well, there’s always Stormy.)

The president has become a national embarrassment, and is seen as a bloviating buffoon on the global stage. And we will have to endure two more years of his lies and self-promotion, unless Michael Cohen’s charges can be put in legal order and impeachment rears its ugly head. Gosh, wouldn’t that be too bad? And where is our old pal, loony Alexander Haig, to at least leave a revolver on his master’s desk? Nudge, nudge, wink, wink.

Casa Diablo Predictions for 2019

As we continue down the road to “Serf City” (with apologies to Jan and Dean), your superior correspondents predict that Trump’s ridiculous wall to keep out immigrants and refugees will be built, but it will be constructed of cardboard.
After P&J held a brief phone conversation with Rufus T. Firefly, head of the American Cardboard Institute, we were informed that the new cardboard will be cement and steel reinforced, hence, ideal not just for border walls but for the latest automobiles.
Indeed, the world will look a lot different in the coming year … more in line with the President of the (Dis)United States’ fantasy vision of things, as opposed to what was heretofore known as “reality.”
P&J are also pretty certain that the currently popular strategy of not addressing environmental issues having to do with global climate change will prove to be deadly, in the form of more extreme weather all over the planet we like to call “Earth.” Sleep tight, friends.