Answers to your Sexual Curiosities : Partner Play

Megan Andelloux is an AASECT-certified sexuality educator and ACS-certified sexologist

Hi Megan!

I am looking for information on the best types of strap-on dildos. Many of the ones I’ve found are really hard rubber and I’d like one that is more flexible and soft. If you have any suggestions of where to find something like this, please let me know!



Sounds like you are going to enjoy your summer! Lucky for you there are quite a few options for the perfect dildo for your randy moments. Before I drop names though, there are a few things to keep in mind when shopping for a new item to place near your nether parts.

First things first: buy a dildo that is made of a body-safe material. Sadly, many sex toys are made out of hazardous materials that can hurt your body or transmit infections if shared, so stay healthy by purchasing something safe! Medical- or platinum-grade silicone is the safest material you can choose for strap-on play because it cannot absorb bacteria and can be sterilized so you can safely share your toy with a friend. While other materials exist in dildoland, they can harbor bacteria and pass infections onto your play partner. Yuck. Silicone can be a bit pricier, but it’s the only squishy, comfy material that won’t trap bacteria, and if you treat it right, it will last you years! So to prevent the spread of infections and/or diseases, invest in the best and only purchase a silicone dildo. Remember: sharing is caring.

To ensure that the toy stays in the strap-on, make sure it has a base (also known as a flange) at the end of it. This extra-wide, circular base will keep the dildo secure in your strap-on harness. If there is no flange, the toy will fall right out and sadness will probably occur as you see your cock lying on the floor collecting lint and cat hair.

When purchasing a silicone dildo, I tend to recommend the following brands for strap-on play: Tantus, Vixen and Wet for Her. All three manufacturers only make their toys out of 100 percent platinum- or medical-grade silicone, so you can feel secure knowing that infections will not be transmitted between partners as long as you clean between uses. Tantus, Vixen and Wet for Her also are made with firmer silicone and thicker molds so they are less floppy than other dildos, so you can feel more confident in your aiming abilities.

Now, even though the dildo is silicone, this doesn’t mean that it will be stiff like a sail on a windy day. The longer the toy, the more floppy it will be, especially if it becomes more narrow toward the base. So while you are in the store looking at all the pretty dildos, grab the ones that strike your fancy and shake them around a little bit. You may notice that the longer ones with narrower bases will be more floppy, while the ones with wider bases tend to not jiggle as much. Since you really can’t fit 10 inches into someone’s mouth or vagina (you can in butts, though!), I would say stick to around 6 or 7 inches for maximum firmness and potential placement satisfaction. Once the toy goes inside the strap-on harness, you lose about an inch off the item, so keep that in mind.

But what about girth? Sometimes our eyes are bigger than our orifices, so here is a simple way to determine the best choice for the person who is going to engulf your cock. Just ask yourself the question: how many fingers do you or your honey generally like in your holes? Once you figure out if you are a one-finger person, two-finger person or maybe a size queen who likes three or more fingers in you, bring those digits into a sex toy shop and place them against the toy to determine if it is the right width. Don’t worry, the store owners won’t be freaked out or think you are weird if they see what you are doing – it’s a common practice. They would rather you go home with the right toy than something too big or small because you cannot return a toy that you don’t like.

Here’s hoping these tips get you ready to pick out the perfect strap-on dildo for you!