Opinion

Go, Nellie!: Little Rhody’s secretary of state has eyes on our highest office

The late and legendary sports broadcaster Keith Jackson, known for his work on college football games, had a signature call of “Whoa, Nellie!”  Phillipe and Jorge are going to co-opt Mr. Jackson by saying, “Go, Nellie!”

The Nellie in question is Little Rhody’s Secretary of State Nellie Gorbea, who stole a march on potential opponents by declaring her candidacy for governor in 2022, facing what may be a full field of candidates in the Democratic primary. She used a textbook PR trick of announcing it late on a dull Sunday, guaranteeing her the lead story on TV, radio, in print and on social media Monday morning when the citizenry awoke from their weekend frivolity. (The counterpoint to this is essentially killing a story by announcing it late on a Friday; see: President Ford pardons Richard Nixon.) The only thing you have to worry about is what once happened to P. long ago when he was the flak for a major Sunday event that got immediate coverage, but was knocked off the top of the front page Monday morning when a mobster was found dismembered in a dumpster in Johnston later on the Sabbath. “If it bleeds, it leads,” as the old media saying goes.

P&J don’t even have to know exactly who else will be running because Secretary Gorbea already has our endorsement. She is smart, incredibly energetic and on the correct side (to our minds) on all the issues, but also has shown to be tough as nails when the occasion demands.

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Her likely opponents will be new Governor Dan “Who He?” McKee, who would obviously like to set that in stone for two more terms. He seems capable enough, but he is pushing 70, and eight more years makes him a bit unlikely to be the most exciting man in showbiz as a septuagenarian. Ms. Gorbea still has the youth and spark most people like to see in office; witness, despite her faults, the popularity of Gina Raimondo’s spunky “Knock it off” during the COVID pandemic.

The most likely challengers to Gorbea and Who He are State Treasurer Seth Magaziner and Providence Mayor Jorge Elorza. Neither have any medals on their chests for past performance, but what puts P&J off is that we’ll bet dollars to donuts both have their eyes on a bigger prize (read: U.S. Congress) and are hoping to use this as a stepping stone. While Nellie may also aspire to a bigger job down the road, we would still trust her to serve Vo Dilunders first, and herself second.

In this scenario, Magaziner and Elorza obviously hope that the comparatively youthful (by D.C. standards) Senators Jack Reed and Sheldon Whitehouse get hit by a bus. (Though if they would deign to run for Congress, while Representative David Cicilline is still a fireball and essentially unbeatable, Jim Langevin’s U.S. rep seat seems ripe for the picking. Sorry, Jim, but showing them the chrome only goes so far.)

So, “Go, Nellie,” and we are sure Keith Jackson will back us up.

Mmm, Foxy

Phillipe and Jorge are dancing excitedly in our bejeweled stiletto pumps awaiting more news on one of the miscreant cretins arrested for crimes during the January 6 Washington debacle who may actually plead what his attorney has called “Foxitis.” It’s the modern equivalent of “The Devil made me do it,” although much funnier, but an apt analogy for the explosive diarrhea that blasts out of Fox News on a daily basis.

Anthony Antonio is facing five federal charges, but has yet to enter a plea. The lawyer dubbed it “Foxitis,” saying that Antonio’s steady diet of Fox misinformation about Donald Trump’s Big Lie about the election being stolen led him into joining in the hideous storming of the Capitol by these witless scum, killing and harming many guards and security in the process, and putting Congressmen and women in very real harm’s way.

It should be required viewing on all channels when Antonio has his day in court, when this knucklehead and his shameless attorney offer up the Foxitis defense, especially on Fox News, which is now being blamed for providing the poison pill. We suggest many of the other hundreds of arrested perpetrators glom onto the idea, and turn Fox News into a freak show. Whoops, too late.

Take a bow, Twinkie defense.

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