Satire

Phillipe and Jorge’s Cool Cool World: Change in the cold air

The Lady Vanishes

We may have to bring back from the grave Alfred Hitchcock, who produced the movie “The Lady Vanishes,” to figure out the unexpected departure of Dr. Nicole Alexander-Scott (Motif broke this news at motifri.com/nas-resigns) from her highly visible role as director of Little Rhody’s Department of Health.

Since the onset of COVID-19 and its variants, Dr. Alexander-Scott gained a great deal of star-quality exposure in the media − especially at then-governor Gigi Raimondo’s weekly press conferences. She commanded everyone’s attention, bringing facts and figures and updates on how the scourge was infecting Vo Dislunders, and carried the presence of someone you kept your eyes and ears locked on when she spoke.

But… in a stunning move… she has quit as head honcho of RIDOH without full explanation. She will serve out her term as interim head and then assume a role as a consultant, but the bombshell has already gone off.  Now the questions as to “why?” will be meat for speculation until the real reason(s) are sussed out.

The favorite theory in this betting pool is a major falling-out with Governor Dan “Who He?” McKee, be it personalities, policies or both. Who He? Has already been the target of none-too-subtle attacks on his lack of leadership on the COVID-19 crisis by two state officials, General Treasurer Seth Magaziner and Secretary of State Nellie Gorbea, both of whom he will likely face in the upcoming Democratic Party primary in the race to be elected guv in 2022. And in The Biggest Little, where the GOP is essentially nonexistent, the winner there will cakewalk into the top seat on Smith Hill, so the long knives are already out.

The hits will keep on coming, but P&J figure that leaks from the State House will doubtless provide ongoing information (along with lies and rumors) about the doc’s decision. The exhibited strength of Dr. Alexander-Scott’s character makes it unlikely she will spill any more beans, and simply tell the prying media to eff off.

But this is far from over, so stay tuned, boys and girls. Ain’t we got fun?

Note: As Motif went to press, Deputy Director Tom McCarthy also announced he was leaving RIDOH. What’s up, docs?

Let the Games Begin

Phillipe & Jorge love the shameless world of politics, so we were aquiver when our U.S. Rep. Jim Langevin made the surprise announcement that he would not pursue re-election this year. Jim was a reliable moderate Democrat in D.C. through the years he served, his most notable badge of honor being his vote against the Bush/Cheney/Rumsfeld lying and manufactured Iraq War. (Hi, Condoleeza!)

But now we will get to see the best-fevered aspirations; drooling hunger for power; naked, preening narcissism; and total, wild-eyed desperation and need for attention among those who will try to jump into Langevin’s seat in the House of Representatives in Washington. We can’t wait. On your mark, get set, go, all you fantasizing future candidates.

Winnebacome, Winnebago 

P&J lost a longtime friend with the peaceful death at the beginning of January of a Little Rhody treasure, Jon Campbell.

No description of his genius and varied talents can do him proper justice. He was a musician (in the R.I. Music Hall of Fame); an artisan in many fields, notably shell jewelry and Uillean pipes (Irish bagpipes); pyrotechnic wizard for independent movies; connoisseur of all things Little Rhody; and a prince of South County. But most of all he was a sweetheart of a guy, and a total hot shit whom P&J always greatly admired.

He played in bands and soloed all over the state for decades, often with his music partner Joe Houlihan. His razor-sharp sense of humor led to his famous song, “Winnebacome, Winnebago,” an anthem for South County that hilariously skewered summertime tourists and out-of-state fishermen (and Jon knew his local fishing brethren well), and is really a tongue-in-cheek ode to SoCo. We’d like to be able to print the entire lyrics, but you can Google the song up and P&J believe it is required listening for any proud resident of The Biggest Little. To wit, an excerpt:

…And it’s Winnebacome, Winnebago
When the flea bites, the jellyfish stings, are you feeling sad?
Watch a mobsta eat a lobsta, are you feeling sad?

They’ve got sand in their eyes and a burn on their thighs
And the last tuna grindah is covahed with flies,
There’s a squid in the sink, the TV’s on the blink
They’ve got a bucket of crabs that’s beginning to stink.
Citronella, beach umbrella…
Are you feeling sad?

And it’s Winnebacome, Winnebago
And there’s no place to park anyplace that you go,
So let’s count license plates from the Midwestern states
And hope after Labor Day things will get straight…

  • Jon Campbell; 1951-2022

Boy, will you be missed, Jon. Thanks for the memories.


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