It’s Valentine’s day and I’m single!!!!! It’s that stupid age old question: What do I do????
You poor soul!
It’s difficult to be exactly what they say you shouldn’t be on a day that’s created exactly for everything you’re not. It’s really messed up!
The most messed up part of it is the fact that we’ve been taught to believe this as fact. We’ve been handed over this silly burden by society. Coercing us into believing that the only real way to celebrate Valentine’s Day is by celebrating being in a romantic relationship. And if you’re not in one, then you can’t (and don’t deserve to) celebrate Valentine’s Day. When that is absolutely not true!
Even if we are not partnered, we can still celebrate love. And Valentine’s Day is all about love. Or so we think.
Actually it’s based on the ancient Roman holiday of Lupercalia, which was more of a place to find love than to be bringing it with you. Luperpalooza was basically a two-day sex festival where people would draw names from a hat to meet their date, and there was even a “fertility ritual” that involved lining up to get whipped with hides of freshly sacrificed animals. Those Romans! Reminds me of some of the kinky fun I’ve had!
But there’s a lot of pressure on all of us all year around. Holidays, birthdays, Zoom parties, oh my! And it feels bad when something happening is a reminder of the things you don’t have, especially when you want it. Even if most of our FOMO has been tempered in the pandemic, it still is shitty when you feel out of the loop on something.
So it’s a good time just to celebrate love and connection. It doesn’t have to be with a romantic partner. It can be with dear friends, far away family, or even an activity or inanimate object.
For example, have a socially distanced picnic with your friends and tell each other three things that you love about each other. Connect via Zoom with your beloved people in other places. Play the “tell them love” game with them too.
What’s an activity you love? Hiking, yoga, Netflix? Do it! And when it comes to your love for an inanimate object, there’s always food! Delightful, delicious grub. And … then there’s that other thing you were pretty sure I was referring to when I said inanimate object. Because I was and now I really am.
All the years that I did parties for VDay, it was so that we could all celebrate love and connection. I have rarely spent Valentine’s Day just with a partner. The few times I did, the lines were long and the food was overpriced. It’s a big moneymaker, but it’s really come far from the Roman fuckfest it once was. So just do you. In every way. Like the Digital Underground said in the early ’90s: doowutchyalike, tonight’s your night.
What do you think about posting ages on dating profiles? I’m a very attractive 48-year-old woman who always gets mistaken for younger. I find that men in their 30s can keep up with me better than men in their 40s and 50s. I’ve tried putting my age as 10 years younger, and I’ve found some nice matches. However, if I put my real age, men my age or older is all that I get! I’m not trying to rob the cradle, but I do want to be compatible.
Do you think it’s ok for me to lie about my age on my profile?
Lying for Love (or maybe Lust!)
Dear Lovely Liar,
This is an interesting one as I’m of more than one mind with it, which is not a ridiculous statement being that as a double Gemini I often see both sides of the story … but I digress in the very first line.
Because yes folks, it’s one of those kinds of nights. The kind of night where I wish I had a young man, full of pulsing energy, to make me feel full with it, too. I feel you, sister, on that!
Certainly older men would say the same about younger women, which not everyone likes, but it’s true. It’s true as humans. We all like people who make us remember a time, a feeling, a past experience when all was right in the world. At the end of the day, nostalgia is a powerful aphrodisiac, and as you mentioned, compatibility is important too.
So that being said, I fully support you in finding a scrumptious fledgling to get you juiced up. I’m here for it.
What I am disputing, however, are your methods. Not because of the “lie,” though. Hey, I’ve done that, too. When I was “on the apps” (who am I kidding, I’m Gen X and proud. Our stinkin’ online dating was not a swipe right scenario), I would use what I called a “general age.” If time is just a construct, so is age. If I had focused too much on age, I wouldn’t have had so much fun over the years celebrating my 16 times two birthday, and the 18th anniversary of my 20th birthday.
While it’s true that the thing that I think you are doing wrong in this situation is lying, it’s only because you think you need to do it at all.
Here’s the thing: As a hot and sexy 48-year-old woman, you are the absolute fantasy of a guy 10 years your junior. There’s no way that you have to lie to get this young buck to like you! As a matter of fact, telling the truth will only pull your dream dude closer, easier.
To many, well basically to any, sane red-blooded (and possibly even other blood colors, I don’t know all the blood colors. Sheesh! I may be Jewish but I’m not a Doc-TAH!) there is nothing more sexy than an older and wiser woman, especially one who is secure in who she is, confident to ask for what she wants, and shows up fully to everything in her life, wrinkles and all.
If you don’t want to connect with the older men, filter them out! Or give them a chance. You never know if you might find someone your age who is like you and can keep up. And if you want to stick with the more juvenile set, go right ahead. No shame in that game!
They may have filtered you out of their searches, but there’s nothing to stop you from finding them! If they say you’re too old, move on to the next. After all, there’s a new one being born every day. Good luck!