AltFacts: For Shame!

In his latest lurch toward a more authoritarian Providence, Mayor Elorza recently suggested that anyone caught in public not wearing a face mask should be shamed as an enemy of the people. That list includes nuns, horses, and all those who suffer from claustrophobia — weak-minded bastards that they are. 

In an effort to keep track of offenders, the mayor is expected to announce a tagging system in the near future. 

“We plan to introduce a scheme whereby repeat offenders have to wear a mark of some sort,” Elorza explained at a Friday press conference. “My advisors have suggested a star symbol mounted on an armband, and we have already got preliminary designs in the works.”

An anonymous source close to the mayor revealed that the stars armbands project might be rolled out as early as next Thursday’s burning of the books (to be held in Roger Williams Park, time TBD). However, given the need for an uplift in civic well-being, the mayor might delay the roll out until after the city’s planned Anschluss of Attleboro.