Pub Amble: A Wintry Newport Night

You may be saying to yourself, “What is Ricky doing in Newport in the middle of a cold snap? Is he a crazy?” Well, yes I am a crazy, and like a lot of you I’m sure, never go to Newport unless it’s summertime and I’m itching to soak up sun or grab fishy grub. Believe it or not, I went to Newport for the first time two years ago and was mad that I didn’t go sooner. So I was excited to check out some Newport bars on Broadway and explore parts of Newport that aren’t so touristy and basic.

First up was Pour Judgement. Probably the most divey out of all the bars, it had a real charm. The place was small and packed, but luckily we were able to find a few seats at the bar. It looked like a lazy grandma decorated it for Christmas — throw up some lights and ornaments and a little garland, and Merry Christmas you filthy animal. The crowd was a nice mix of ages, couples, groups and singles. The place felt homey, comforting and safe.

Another thing I have to mention: Along with Michaela, my best friend who goes to all my pub ambles, her boyfriend joined us. Eric is a barber and a very outgoing and charismatic guy At the same time, he’s street and hipster. He’s like Mac Miller meets Jared Leto. Eric got a Lagunitas “Fusion 39” pale ale, Michaela got Crispin cider and I got a Pour Judgement IPA. They had a great beer menu, but I didn’t like the Pour Judgement. It was a little too on the wheaty side, so Michaela forced Eric to switch with me. I felt kinda bad, but I can’t control Michaela, and she always does the dirty work. His Lagunitas was good, almost exactly like my drink, just a bit sweeter.

Next was Fastnet Pub, which was a nice big space full of wild drunks and lots of jocks. I don’t know if that’s always their demographic or if it was just a thirsty Thursday occurrence. At one point I walked by a rowdy group repeating to one of their members, “You are the perfect human being. How are you the perfect human being?” The rowdy group also did that thing when you are all drunk at a party, and then someone arrives and everyone starts screaming his name, but the new arrival isn’t drunk yet so he gets embarrassed. Some guy named Jerry was very embarrassed that night.

The beers and drinks were mediocre. Eric got a Blue Moon and dipped his orange in it like you would a donut in milk. Michaela and I gave him shit about it. Poor guy — when Michaela and I are together the rest of the world ceases to exist, and we either ice people out or make fun of them. I got Magners Pear Cider, which was absolutely delicious. The atmosphere definitely was the highlight of the pub; the air was full of energy.

Our final destination was going to be Norey’s, but they had a sign that said proper dress code required, and no hats. We all looked like we just rolled out of bed and I had a major case of hat hair, so I was not going to take my hat off. So we skipped Norey’s and headed to Fifth Element across the street.

At first we thought Fifth Element was going to be super proper too, but it ended up being a really funky and unique place. It was industrial and modern while still being inviting and open. It also had an open kitchen so you could see all the grilling action. And talk about festive! Decorations were on point with ornaments, garland and lights. Everything was red, white, gold and silver. It was very classic Christmas. They also had these neat papier mache snowflake lights that were probably insignificant in the big picture, but I like cute things like that. It’s all in the details!

Michaela was excited because we were finally at a place that had an actual cocktail menu. She got a Pink Fizz with Belvedere pink grapefruit, St. Germain, grapefruit juice and splash of cranberry that was topped with bubbles. I got a Passion Fruit Limoncello Champagne Cocktail, which was passion fruit puree and limoncello topped with bubbles. I loved my drink so much, but it was taken away from me. Michaela said her drink was too strong, so she forced me to switch. Both drinks were very good — bubbly and fruity — but Michaela’s was strong, and carried me from tipsy to drunk. And the champagne was making her a little sleepy, so it was time to go.

Maybe next time I come down to Broadway, I’ll have a nice classy Newport night. I’ll throw on some nice clothes, slick my hair, break out the dress shoes and maybe wear a watch. Norey’s will welcome me with open arms — they’ll have to! 

Pour Judgement: 32 Broadway, Newport 

The Fastnet Pub: 1 Broadway, Newport 

Fifth Element: 111 Broadway, Newport