Author: Cathren Housley

  • Get Into The Rhythm: How seasonal changes affect emotional ones

    Get Into The Rhythm: How seasonal changes affect emotional ones

    Spring is on its way! RI has been shivering under the icy breath of winter, but the days are growing longer and the earth is tilting on its axis. Soon, buds will be bursting into clouds of bright green and crocuses will be pushing their noses up through the snow. A great number of people are going to find themselves horny as hell – and there will also be those who instead become antsy, anorexic or unable to sleep. We may attribute all of those things to various random causes in our personal lives, but there is a vaster, more universal system at play here which governs humans, plants and animals alike.

    As far back as the 18th century, researchers noticed that certain plants would open their leaves at sunrise and close them at sunset even in the absence of lighting cues. But it was not until 2017 that three U.S. biologists brought international attention to the underlying phenomena. Jeffrey C. Hall at the University of Maine, Michael Rosbash at Brandeis University and Michael W. Young at Rockefeller University shared the Nobel Prize in Medicine for their discoveries of the genetic and biomolecular mechanisms by which the cells of all living organisms mark the 24-hour cycle of day and night: circadian rhythms. It is now known that the circadian clock is involved in every piece of human physiology; it influences everything from emotions to endocrinology to metabolism.

    So – what exactly is circadian rhythm?

    Circadian rhythm is the 24-hour internal clock in our brain that regulates cycles of alertness and sleep by responding to changes in our environment. Our physiology and behavior are shaped, in essence, by the Earth’s rotation on its axis. For example, your body temperature rises just before dawn, enabling you to feel alert and ready to start the day; it drops again at night to help promote sleep. This biological circadian system has evolved to help humans adapt to changes in our environment. With its help, we can anticipate changes in radiation, temperature, and food availability. When your body clock is disrupted or thrown off balance by changes in sleep patterns, increasing or decreasing light exposure or other alterations in schedule, your natural circadian rhythms can go off kilter, leading to an astonishing array of symptoms and behaviors.

    One such disruption is the coming of spring.

    In animals, seasonal changes over the year trigger phenomena such as breeding, migration, and hibernation. In humans, these changes are more complex – reactions vary widely from individual to individual and some are more vulnerable than others. About 6% of Americans have symptoms severe enough to require medical treatment for seasonal affective disorder (SAD).

    The primary instigator is a small endocrine gland in the brain called the pineal gland. The pineal secretes melatonin, which influences our sleep/wake cycles. The production of melatonin is drastically affected by available light – in the winter, we produce more of it, which can cause depression, fatigue, oversleeping, weight gain, and irritability. In the spring when available light increases, we can experience anxiety, weight loss, and insomnia. And, like the animals, we can be driven by an overwhelming urge to mate.

    Motif spoke with Dr. Gene Jacobs, a Warwick-based clinical psychiatrist who sees the effect of seasonal change every year. He told us that patients with bi-polar disorder are particularly sensitive to the effects of light, and added: “the balls in a male’s scrotum raise or fall with temperature –  in winter, when cold, they retract more into body, and in summer, when hot, they drop away from body.”  

    But that’s not all – disruptions in our circadian rhythms can accelerate, or even cause, medical conditions such as asthma, cardiovascular disease, hypertension, and neurological disorders. 

    Considering the possible consequences, is there anything we can do to protect ourselves from potential repercussions? Fortunately – yes. 

    • Get out of the house! Expose yourself to as much natural light as you can, right now. This decreases the shock to your system when daylight lengthens. 

    • Get up out of your chair and start moving! Walking and exercising through the winter and early spring months helps to keep your immune system healthy while increasing sunlight exposure. This will help you contend with the pollen and viruses which hit as soon as the plants wake up. Wearing a good mask is protection against both.

    • Stay hydrated – this is a good way to keep your system in balance. And eating a healthy, well-balanced diet helps you to be your best year-round. 

    • Perhaps, as Alfred, Lord Tennyson wrote, “in Spring a young man’s fancy turns to thoughts of love.” But unprotected sex can turn into an STD or unwanted pregnancy. In case of sudden overwhelming lust – carry condoms!

  • Advice from the Trenches: Baby, you can’t drive my car

    Advice from the Trenches: Baby, you can’t drive my car

    Dear C and Dr. B:

    I don’t get it, but I am trying to understand. Right now, I am totally pissed off, but maybe you can make some sense out of this.

    My husband won’t let me drive his car. And to make matters worse, now his son won’t let his wife drive his car. In fact, my stepson’s mother and I are the ones that are teaching the wife to drive. What is wrong with these men? Don’t they know that when they have a heart attack, it will be us women who have to drive them to the hospital, in their car – and at high speed, without any prior experience with the car?  

    My husband has this lame excuse that he just doesn’t feel comfortable with me driving his car. He says his job depends on him having his car and if he crashed it he would feel bad but if I got so much as a dent, he would be angry, and he doesn’t want to be angry at me.  

    Please explain this insanity to me before I put him out in the dog house or at least make him sleep on the couch.  

    – Manic Margaret

    Dr. B says:

    Once married, a man really has nothing all to himself that is 100% his. This is the reasoning behind the origin of the man cave. But a lot of men don’t have a man cave – and for them, their man cave is their car. It is an extension of their personal space, free will, and identity.  A lot of men treat their car like a woman. It’s not that they don’t want you in it. They just don’t want you to drive it. That diminishes their control over it and their sense of freedom and identity wrapped up in it.   

    I am sure women have something similar. Wouldn’t you feel violated if your husband wore your nice shoes?  I say let him have his space. This need to have something to control and wrap one’s identity around can mutate into more dangerous forms – such as becoming another woman’s hero or white knight. You don’t want him developing an identity around that. Better a car. 

    C says: If I had a husband and he wore my nice shoes, I don’t think that “violated” would be my first reaction. I’d be flabbergasted that he never told me he is a cross-dresser. Then I’d wonder what else he wasn’t telling me.

    So, Dr. B’s advice is: let the guy have the car to himself or he’ll probably cheat on you. Really? No wonder I’m divorced.

    Here is my problem with your husband, Margaret – that is one of the silliest rationalizations that I’ve ever heard. I’m sure Dr. B’s explanation is likely the true cause, but the excuse your husband came up with is nuts: “I’m really just trying to make things nice for you, honey! You don’t want me to get pissed off at you after you wreck the car. Do you?”

    Unfortunately, this seems to be a characteristic of men in general – they can’t admit to anything. Your husband reminds me of a reader from a few months ago who blamed his weight gain on the family’s pet bird: “The bird really likes cereal, and it’s so cute that I have no choice but to pig out along with him!” If my 6-year-old granddaughter told me that I’d laugh at her. But it’s not so cute when it’s coming from a grown man with a weight problem who just can’t control himself.

    Dr. B mentioned that men have nothing all to themselves after they get married, and I find that so sad! It seems unjust too, especially considering that everyone else in the world does get to have everything to themselves. Men DESERVE their man caves, their sacred cars. But do not misunderstand: it is not for the men. No, no – it is for their wives. So that the men do not have to get mad at them.

    Do you have your own car, Margaret? Let your husband have his car to himself. Obviously, it represents his manhood, and to take the car would be like cutting off his dick. When he has his heart attack, call him an Uber. He may not make it to the hospital in time, but thank god his car will be OK.

    – Cathren Housley 

    You can visit Dr. B’s blog at drbrilliantcliche.wordpress.com

  • Advice from the Trenches: They Never Call

    Advice from the Trenches: They Never Call

    Dear C and Dr. B:

    We raised our family in RI, but my late husband and I moved to Florida when we retired. Our children stayed in RI to raise their own families. As a result, we rarely saw our grandchildren. My son brought them once or twice a year when they were young, but it became less and less over time. Now that they have grown, I never see them and they never even bother to call.   

    No matter how many times I remind them that they are losing their last opportunities to see me before I die, my warnings go unheeded. 

    I am certain they will regret this – and I resent them not spending time with me while I am still here! But I am at a loss as to what I can do about it.      

    – Maude

    Dr. B says:

    If I want to speak to my own kids, I call them. It is hard for an older parent to be relevant in our kids’ and grandkids’ lives. It takes effort. 

    I believe that our kids owe us nothing. It was our choice to have them and what we did for them is not a trading game or a loan. We did it to be good parents.  Now we have to be good grandparents. We need to make an effort to be involved with our children’s lives. We can’t expect them to come to us. If we offer our time and help, that makes us relevant to their lives. It makes us part of their lives.     

    You are acting as if they owe you something. Guilt trips are the surest way to turn people off and make them ignore or worse run away from you. No relationships work by expectation – they all require work and effort. Call your kids and grandchildren. Visit them. 

    If you plan on leaving them money when you die, consider this – the surest way to prevent family squabbling over inheritance is to give it to them before you die, minus what you need to live on for yourself; you can’t take it with you. As for expectations: don’t expect a thank you. It’s not really relevant considering you were going to give it to them anyway. You are allowed to gift up to $10,000 a year, tax-free. But understand something: it isn’t just about money, it is about relevance and timing.

    C says: Threatening the children with your imminent death is not going to win you any friends. Learn from my mistakes, Maude. Let me tell you a story.

    My son and his family live on the other side of the world. When my grandson was born, I got deeply offended when my son couldn’t even be bothered to answer emails from his excited first-time grandma. I opened my big mouth and asserted myself. All it did was alienate my son.

    I finally gave up and booked a flight. All it took was one visit, and I immediately understood – it had nothing to do with me! The family owns a restaurant and my son also travels for another job. Their lives are so stressful and busy that I was surprised that either parent had time to sleep. They devoted their spare time to the kids, not me. As well they should.

    If I hadn’t seen for myself, I’d have continued to make this all about me, just as you are doing. But self-absorbed, clingy moms are about as welcome as telephone solicitors at dinner time. They get put on the NO CALL list, fast.

    It has been expensive, but I’ve taken it upon myself to visit the family once a year, COVID-closed borders withstanding. I’m a starving artist, so I’ve had to forego such niceties as new clothes, premium channels, and haircuts in order to make that annual trip – but I have never told my family that I’ve sacrificed to stay connected with them. That’s my business, not theirs. No reason they should feel guilty.

    I now have a granddaughter too, and the joy that I feel at being a part of my grandkid’s life is the biggest payoff I could get. I spend my “vacations” babysitting and washing dishes, but there’s nothing else I’d rather do. It makes me part of the family.

    Get a clue, Maude. It’s not about you. It’s about them. If it isn’t – well, that’s your problem, and your solution, right there.

    – Cathren Housley 

    You can visit Dr. B’s blog at drbrilliantcliche.wordpress.com

  • Advice from the Trenches: Living in the Maelstrom

    Advice from the Trenches: Living in the Maelstrom

    Dear C and Dr. B:

    My 16 year old daughter, Samantha, is the sweetest, nicest, most heartfelt person I know. She literally weeps for others worse off than her. Unfortunately, she also cuts herself and restricts food to the point of hospitalization. I am at my wit’s end: no medications or therapy have helped her and we’ve tried everything, including antidepressants and Adderall. She stopped going to school because she was unable to focus or concentrate; she is constantly anxious and agitated. What can I do to understand what she is experiencing and how can I help her? There is no history of abuse, trauma or mental illness in our family.               

    – Mom

    Dr. B says: 

    Your daughter is an empath and empathy is at the root of most human suffering. It is a gift, but without an understanding of how to process it, an empath can develop severe depression and anxiety. Many spiritual disciplines reference teachings on this, but in our society, we rely on serotonin re-uptake inhibitor antidepressants to help the overly-empathetic cope.

    One way these medications work is by decreasing empathy – too high a dose results in numbness. Currently, Samantha cuts herself or restricts food to dampen her sense of empathy. It is an inefficient and uninformed but partly effective way to control emotion. 

    Indian folk legend has it that the world is carried on a turtle’s back. Like that turtle, your empathetic daughter is carrying the world on her back. Because empathy is the basis for relationships, your daughter gets energy from relationships with people – but as she is open to their suffering, she’s also drained by them. She is dealing with this by withdrawal and self-harm, which cuts her off from others.   

    She knows how to empathize and have understanding towards others’ pain but she needs to learn how to be present for them without being invested in them. Presence is a more neutral state, which accepts without taking in. This attitude does not require people to be happy or to resolve their issues; there is no pressure on the empath. A good example of this is in the Dr. Seuss book, Horton Hears A Who. Horton may be the only one who can hear the cries from their invisible world, and he can bear witness – but he can’t solve Whoville’s problems; they must do that for themselves. They need to learn how to understand and cooperate with one another. Horton cannot act to change their world from within because he is not part of it.  

     C says:

    Your daughter is in trouble, Mom. I have known people who exhibited Samantha’s behavior – one of them died by suicide before turning 17. Don’t take this behavior lightly.

    From my experience, most self mutilation is a dysfunctional attempt to somehow control pain – pain that really originates on an emotional level – by hurting oneself first. It can also be an attempt to drain perceived poisons, or make atonement for the self or others. It isn’t healthy and it shows a disregard for one’s own physical body.

    But anorexia is the biggest danger here – it has the highest mortality rate of any mental illness.Your daughter may be “gifted” but anorexia is not a gift she should share with others. She could develop osteoporosis, muscle loss, fainting, fatigue, and even heart failure if she persists.

    As to help for your daughter – I wish I had faith in our medical methods, but I have seen too many deeply disturbed people enter that system over the last 50 years and walk out with a prescription for medication and some practiced, professional reassurances which are much more of a comfort to the insurance companies and doctors than to their patients.

    I respect that a great deal of higher education and research went into therapy methods, but doctors forget something: all those words are usually forgotten the moment the patient leaves the office. There are no words that can alleviate the internal shit storm that goes on inside so many people’s heads. They have to go back to their same crappy lives, surrounded by the same problems and demands. They have another stress filled day to get through and they know that the habits they’ve depended on to deal with that pain always work – and far faster than any abstract words of advice. 

    I’m not a doctor, but I believe that what would help your daughter the most would be to find a good teacher and develop a discipline that builds strength and coordination in both her body and her mind. Aikido or another non-aggressive martial art, or yoga, come to mind. She needs a system to hold onto, in that maelstrom of emotions. It’s a tremulous place to live.

    What can you do in the meantime? Give her empathy and compassion, Mom. She needs it too.

    – Cathren Housley 

    You can visit Dr. B’s blog at drbrilliantcliche.wordpress.com

  • Advice from the Trenches: Valentine card quandary

    Advice from the Trenches: Valentine card quandary

    Dear C and Dr. B.:

    Valentine’s Day is approaching, and I was looking at cards for my girlfriend. They all have some message to the effect of: “You’re my everything. I’m nothing without you.”

    Nobody is anyone else’s EVERYTHING, that’s a lie. It is also a really dysfunctional message to send. I don’t want to say anything like that to my girlfriend – we promised we would never lie to one another. Why can’t I find any other choices, something like: “You mean a lot to me, but you’re not my everything”? Now I am at a loss as to what to do.

    -Valentino

    Dr. B. Says:

    Let me point out a few things. First, it’s a lie that you and your girlfriend will never ever lie to one another. Some things are best left unsaid. You should never just spout every thought that pops into your head. 

    Yes – marriage, romance, and Santa Claus are all at core based on what are, in the strict sense of the word, non-truths, but they are ideas that are accepted within our culture. That is the sort of lie that it is OK to play along with, if you have a girlfriend. But cheating on your girlfriend would be the kind of lie that is not acceptable as part of the cultural norm in this country. In some European countries it is acceptable – but even there, cultural rules are carefully observed as to how to cheat in an acceptable manner. In the US, the same behavior would likely end in a messy divorce.

    Know your girlfriend. If she wants to believe in romance, be romantic. If romance makes her vomit then do something else.

    C says:

    I just don’t think you’ve looked very hard, Valentino. There are tons of V-Day cards out there for people who don’t want to send sugar-frosted hooey to each other. Take a look at this collection from Bored Panda: https://www.boredpanda.com/funny-valentines-day-card-ideas/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=organic. 

    These days, even Hallmark has a collection of off-the-wall greetings.

    So much angst over a card is kind of nuts – Valentine’s Day isn’t a mass conspiracy to undermine your relationship or a plot to force you to lie to your girlfriend or agree to some ideology you don’t support. It is simply a nice, made-up day for couples to express their affection for each other in whatever way they choose. Or not.

    I have another question for you, Valentino – how do you expect to keep a relationship going if you feel this pressured and conflicted over a single card? If you ever have to plan a wedding, or raise children, your head is going to explode. 

    But back to Valentine’s Day. Yes, businesses try to make money off of the holiday; that’s what the gift industry is all about. This is a fantastic opportunity to sell us a huge amount of stuff that we probably don’t need at all. But, that’s a rather cynical way of looking at it.

    The positive thing that V-Day does is to create a little warmth in this merciless month. Winter has frozen our hearts – doesn’t it feel nice to cuddle with someone warm?

    Here’s my suggestion – make your own card. Ignore the commercial pablum and say how you really feel, in your own words. Well, maybe not in your own words. “You’re not my everything” is a little bleak. What if you simply told her that you really like being with her – and right now, in this moment, there’s no place else you’d rather be?

    You could also take a look at Dr. B’s Quick Romance Status Guide:

    Optimistic: you’re my everything

    Realist: you’re a lot but you’re not my everything

    Pessimist: you’re going to disappoint me but please not too bad

    Masochist: you’re not much but I don’t deserve better

    Masochist is my favorite. What woman wouldn’t want to get that in a card?

    Good luck!

    – Cathren Housley 

    You can visit Dr. B’s blog at drbrilliantcliche.wordpress.com

  • Advice from the Trenches: Life is Butt A Dream

    Dear C and Dr. B.:

    My daughter is 18, so I really have no say in her decisions, but right now I am having a hard time keeping my mouth shut. My daughter plans to have surgery on her BUTT to make it bigger. Apparently, it’s a thing. I have already told her there is no way I am going to pay for it. My feeling is “What are you thinking!”    

    Look, I know it’s a different world than the one I grew up in and people do these things. I’ve seen it on the TV, in videos, on Instagram…I just can’t wrap my head around why women do it. My daughter says these surgeries have the power to change the outcome of her life. She believes this so much that she’s been saving for two years to get the money.  

    I could possibly understand if she planned to be a model or rapper, but she wants college and a career! Is there anything I can say that might stop this insanity? 

    – Big Butt’s Mother

    Dr. B. says:

    Technology will constantly change the way we all live. People can now alter their gender and body type – if you have enough money you can change your entire identity. Soon we may even have computers inside us that will change our memories and our way of interfacing with reality and the world.   

    I believe if it isn’t broken don’t fix it, and that how we overcome challenges makes us who we are. But this idea seems to be outdated now.

    There are studies that prove your daughter may be right. In the media, money and fame follow boobs and butt. But today, the big career goal seems to be as a YouTube Influencer – and while surgical perfection might help to that end, there are very few people who can support themselves that way. 

    There are consequences to all of our choices. Sometime when we get what we wish for, we ask: “What was I thinking!”

    C says:

    Your daughter suffers from Lemming Syndrome. Those with this condition are blindly drawn in whatever direction their own particular herd is moving at any given time. Unfortunately, the Lemming Syndrome is sadly predictable – it pretty much always ends in death at the bottom of a cliff.

    If your daughter is under the spell of Instagram and the rap videos on Youtube, I hope she understands that nobody looks in real life like they do on their social media posts. Just type the words “Instagram VS Reality” into Google. Or take a look at these paparazzi photos of Iggy Azalea, a white female rapper who had butt enhancement to further her career: https://radaronline.com/photos/iggy-azalea-plastic-surgery-bikini-butt-implant-cellulite-pics/. Yikes. 

    Is there a way to exorcize this Lemming Insanity from your daughter’s brain? I’ll be honest – facts seldom sway these furry followers. However, here’s a few things she really needs to know.

    Fat grafting/transfer, AKA the Brazilian butt lift (BBL), is the most popular method of augmentation, but according to the American Society of Plastic Surgeons, the BBL also has the highest rate of death of all aesthetic procedures. Fat embolism is the leading cause of death in aesthetic surgery, and the risk of death for BBL surgery is at least 10 times higher than that of most other cosmetic procedures – as high as one in 3,000. 

    Next, we have buttock implants. This procedure comes with the risk of scarring, pain, skin discoloration, infection and skin loss. It is also possible for implants to shift and cause uneven lumps. Voilà! Time for more surgery.

    Some other surprises are also in store – according to the American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery, it takes three to six months until you see the full effects of these procedures. You may also need follow-up surgery several years later to maintain your results. This is especially the case if the implants shift or break. And fat grafting can lead to asymmetry due to uneven fat absorption; this too requires continued upkeep. 

    But here’s the biggest shocker of all: according to the rumor mill, now that Kim Kardashian wants to be taken more seriously as a humanitarian and business woman, her famously massive butt has mysteriously shrunk. This change, observed by both fans and Beverly Hills surgeons, prompted TikTok and Youtube to launch a series of videos declaring that the day of the Slim-Thick Influencers was over. Who’d a thunk it? 

    So – tell your daughter to get with the program. This surgery she has saved two years for is already out of style. I strongly recommend that she instead invest the cash in college or career training. 

    – Cathren Housley 

    You can visit Dr. B’s blog at drbrilliantcliche.wordpress.com

  • Advice from the Trenches: Over Dosed

    Advice from the Trenches: Over Dosed

    Dear C and Dr. B.: 

    I saw a psychiatrist because my work performance was suffering. I had a lack of focus, poor concentration and my short term memory was shot. He prescribed Adderall. I’ve been on the medication for a year and my performance at work is a lot better. 

    I never questioned my diagnosis, but recently I heard a podcast on the subject of burn out and when they described the symptoms, I felt like they were talking about me – exhaustion, lack of interest in my job, and declining work output. I have hated my job for years – I dread going back every Monday. My doctor had told me this was from being overwhelmed and distracted by ADD (attention deficit disorder), but I think that burn out is my real problem.

    Now I am confused as to what I should do. After a year on Adderall my performance at work is a lot better, but it is still the same meaningless sucky job. I am treated like I’m expendable and I’m overworked and underpaid. I still dread Monday mornings. Was my doctor right to treat me with Adderall? Do I have ADD or not?

    –  ACDC

    Dr. B says:

    Symptoms without etiology – the cause or set of causes for a disease or condition – are entirely meaningless. Yet, symptoms alone are the criteria upon which psychiatric diagnoses and treatment are based.

    Just about everyone these days has the symptoms of ADD, yet these symptoms can also be caused by burnout, anxiety, depression, substance abuse, fatigue, and many other sources. Should every one of these people get Adderall, simply because Adderall initially makes everything seem better? 

    The DSM5, which is the psychiatric diagnostic manual, considers only your symptoms. It doesn’t ask “why” or seek to find out what is causing your problem. The DSM5 doesn’t care why you feel like you do, only that you do feel that way. It pays no attention to etiology.

    I feel this makes no sense whatsoever, but that’s the system we have. We end up diagnosing everyone with something – in fact if you go see a psychiatrist they can’t get paid for a wellness visit, insurance doesn’t allow it, so you have to leave with a diagnosis. It all becomes about pushing products that make you feel better immediately. There is no investment in solving problems long term with behavioral and lifestyle change. 

    Treating a patient for ADD when they really have burnout is like giving steroids to athletes. They may perform a lot better today, but in the long run their health falls apart – it just isn’t sustainable. 

    Diagnosis can be misleading or tricky. Fatigue can look like ADD, or recreational drugs and self sabotaging behavior such as not studying for exams can look like ADD, along with a myriad of other symptoms. But taking psychiatric medications doesn’t solve the problem, and over time, it can make things much worse.

    Find a job that you love, and if you still have a focus issue, that will be a different story than the one you told here.  

    C says: 

    I agree wholeheartedly with Dr. B’s comments about Adderall, but his final recommendation begs the question: do you know how hard it is for anyone to find a job they love?

    ACDC, before you decide to follow your heart and toss your meds, ask yourself this: are you prepared to accept the fact that it is entirely possible to throw away a sure thing, look for a job you love, yet never find it? And that even if you truly desire a job, you may not be qualified for it? Are you ready to get the additional training or education you may need? Could you live a life of deprivation in order to do something you love? 

    Most of us stick with jobs we aren’t ultimately fulfilled by because the security it gives us is essential to sustainability. It relieves the stress of having a place to live, it provides income to support a family, and coverage for medical bills. The job is not everyone’s whole life; the pluses equal the minuses.

    But there’s a big difference between being vaguely unfulfilled at work and wanting to kill yourself at the thought of going in.

    Right now, many people are questioning their work choices because the whole world is in flux. It is during such times that change is in motion. The ruts we were in have been pulled out from under us by a global pandemic. New possibilities abound.

    But beware: people are also vulnerable during flux. Scams search for floundering souls. Your whole way of thinking was swayed by one podcast. Doesn’t that tell you something?

    If you want to change your life, more power to you. But understand who you are and what is really important to you before you make your move. Life is not a Nike ad. There are some things you can’t just DO.

    But as to the Adderall? No. Just no.

    – Cathren Housley 

    You can visit Dr. B’s blog at drbrilliantcliche.wordpress.com

  • Advice from the Trenches: Aftershock

    Advice from the Trenches: Aftershock

    Dear C and Dr. B:

    This past Christmas my extended family got together after many years apart. Whenever we had reunions in the past my daughter Laura always was unable to attend. This time she did, but I noticed she was looking very uncomfortable. 

    Later, when I asked her what was wrong, she broke down crying. It turns out that 20 years ago, when they were both children, my niece had sexually touched my daughter and threatened her if she ever told anyone about it. Up until now, she never has. 

    I always wondered why she never came to these gatherings as an adult. Clearly she will not be expected to ever come again but my question is what do I do? Should I tell my brother what his daughter did? It happened 20 years ago!

    I am conflicted. My daughter told me she has been in therapy and is over the trauma, but clearly, she isn’t! I am not sure if I should ever attend these reunions again – I’m not sure I can even look at his family.

    – Shocked

    Dr. B says: 

    These are hard decisions. But your daughter is an adult now and in no danger. She did not ask you to do anything. You need to evaluate the purpose and intent of any intervention you might be planning.

    I don’t think it would be wise for you to attend any family gatherings that your niece might also be attending, at least for now. And I would not have any expectation that the niece remembers, or is gloating. People who ruin other people’s lives often themselves have not a second thought about it. So what would you hope to accomplish if you confront your brother? Most likely his daughter will not remember doing it, or she’ll deny it. Confronting your brother isn’t going to change anything and it doesn’t sound like it would protect or help anyone else. It won’t lead to resolution, an apology, or any form of redemption. Life seldom works out smoothly like that.  

    There is no need to explain or make excuses for your daughter not showing up at gatherings. If you don’t feel comfortable being there, don’t go either. When and if you feel differently, then go. But if there seem to be other people who look uncomfortable as your daughter did, then that is different. The appropriate time to bring this matter up would be when your daughter’s experience might help somebody else.  

    C says:

    Memory is a weird thing. People have the idea that recalling a memory is like putting an order in for a book at the library – it arrives in print, the same book every time. But not all memories are created equal.

    First, there’s our short-term memory, which can encompass events over a period anywhere between 30 seconds and several days. These new memories are created in the part of the brain called the hippocampus. If they are retained, over time they are moved to the cortex (the outer part of the brain) where they become long term memories.

    We are far more likely to retain memories if we were alert and paid attention to events in the first place. That is why your daughter’s trauma became part of her long term memory: The experience made a very strong impression on her. But if her cousin was in the habit of initiating unwanted sex play and it was not a singular world shattering experience for her, she may barely remember it.

    The recovered memory controversy has been an ongoing debate within the mental health profession for several decades. Repression and dissociation may affect a patient’s recall – and the impact of traumatizing events can affect the encoding of memory. There is also such a thing as False Memory Syndrome, in which a person’s identity and interpersonal relationships center on a memory of a traumatic experience that is literally false but that the person strongly believes occurred. 

    However, for your daughter, what matters is this: whatever the historical truth may be, your daughter felt abused. Her reactions are real. I do not doubt that for her, abuse took place. Whatever your niece does or does not admit is incidental to the effect it has had on your daughter’s life. 

    What you have to deal with now are YOUR reactions. As a parent, you will no doubt have a strong urge to act, to DO something to protect or help your daughter. But understand this: your emotions are yours. Your daughter may feel uncomfortable when confronted by her past abuser, but she has already done the work to deal with it. 

    The person I am worried about is you. This news has just hit you in the face like a decomposed fish from last week’s garbage. Therapy might help you process the aftershock.

    – Cathren Housley 

    You can visit Dr. B’s blog at drbrilliantcliche.wordpress.com

  • When A Car Learns To Fly: Creativity flourishes with certain genetic mutations

    The term “neurodiversity” first appeared in 1998 in a New York Times article by American journalist Harvey Blume. It was an intriguing idea – that neurological differences such as Autism Spectrum, ADHD, bipolar, et al., are not conditions that require medical intervention to “cure” them, but rather a natural variation in the human genome. Instead of pharmaceuticals designed to make them “normal,” neurodiverse individuals would benefit far more from support that honors their unique form of self-expression.

    In artistic circles, consideration of neurodiversity begs the question: Is there a connection between creativity and brain disorders? 

    Throughout history, there have been many famous people who struggled with mental illness. The list is both long and rather impressive: Ludwig van Beethoven, Abraham Lincoln, Vincent Van Gogh, Winston Churchill and Virginia Woolf to name just a few. But when scientists searched for a connection between creativity and brain disorders, their studies raised more questions than they answered. 

    We are only now discovering that there are a great number of factors that affect the manifestation of our genetic tendencies in addition to the DNA itself.

    Christa Taylor of SUNY at Albany realized that previous researchers may have been making a crucial mistake. “A number of symptoms of manic episodes are also characteristic of intense creative activity and may resemble characteristics (i.e., intense and focused concentration, distorted sense of time, etc.) which frequently occur in individuals engaged in creative projects,” she wrote. “Studies using diagnostic criteria to diagnose mood disorder in creative individuals may be confounding mood disorder symptoms with the experience of creativity itself.”

    However, not all neurodiversity is created equal. Neurodiverse individuals often have extraordinary capabilities, but unless they find a way to constructively channel those energies, the result can be a life of dysfunction. The neurodiverse brain is like a super-powered jet – and the majority of research has measured those jets against the standards of an earth-bound car.

    In a 2017 article in Psychiatric, Ronald W. Pies, MD wrote: “Imagination and psychosis are different categories of experience, and should not be confused or conflated.” As an example, he cited James Joyce, whose mentally ill daughter was analyzed by Carl Jung and later diagnosed with schizophrenia. At the time, Joyce saw a direct connection between his creative genius and his daughter’s illness: “Whatever spark or gift I possess has been transmitted to Lucia,” Joyce told Jung, “and it has kindled a fire in [Lucia’s] brain.” But Jung saw a difference between father and daughter, describing them as “two people going to the bottom of a river, one falling and the other diving.”

    Jung was addressing a crucial distinction between the involuntary nature of psychosis (“falling”) and the voluntary act of the creative imagination (“diving”). Lucia lacked the focus and drive her father had.

    Years later, Szabolcs Kéri’s genetic research shed more light on Jung’s theory. The Neuregulin 1 gene mutation had already been linked to an increased risk of schizophrenia; Kéri’s study sought to determine how these variations affect creativity. He genotyped 200 adults and put them through tests that involved creative thinking. It was discovered that individuals with a single copy of Neuregulin 1 scored better than individuals without the mutation and those with a double copy of the Neuregulin 1 mutation scored significantly higher than all other groups. 

    At first, these findings seemed in direct conflict with previous studies which involved families in the general population – in those individuals, the same Neuregulin 1 mutation was associated with lower intelligence and psychotic symptoms. But as the data was analyzed, a new picture began to emerge.

    Neuregulin 1 appears to dampen a brain region called the prefrontal cortex that normally reins in mood and behavior. This alteration can unleash creative potential in some people, and psychotic delusions in others. This is where differences between the groups came into play. Kéri’s volunteers tended to be smarter than average. 

    “My clinical experience is that high-IQ people with psychosis have more intellectual capacity to deal with psychotic experiences,” Kéri wrote. “It’s not enough to experience those feelings, you have to communicate them.”

    Since communication and expression are the very essences of creativity, the following should come as no surprise – a study published in the Journal of Psychiatric Research in 2013 found that although people in creative professions were more likely to experience bipolar mood swings, they were less likely than other people to have a diagnosis of schizophrenia, depression, anxiety disorder, autism, ADHD or drug and alcohol abuse. Maybe those “crazy” artists aren’t as crazy as we thought.

    Science needs to rethink its paradigms of both disability and human potential. Our genetics are the map, but we are the travelers. Our doctors cannot take this journey for us; it’s time that the patients learned how to drive.

  • Advice From The Trenches: Lost Boy

    Advice From The Trenches: Lost Boy

    Dear C and Dr. B.:

    I have no idea how to handle this situation. 

    Last summer, my brother-in-law, Steve, was murdered. He had 2 sons, Jeff and Mark, and a recently divorced wife who is absolutely crazy. She’d been a paid escort when Steve married her and from the start no one liked her. She estranged the rest of the family after their marriage by sending us poison letters criticizing us and making vile slurs against our kids. Until their recent divorce, Steve had been estranged from all of us too.

    After the murder, she and the older son, Jeff, were arrested as suspects. She was released – they’d found a gun at her house but it was licensed and they couldn’t connect it to the crime. Jeff was initially released too – but later, on a tip, the police found automatic weapons, explosives, and hard street drugs in his apartment. Now he’s back in jail, but the murder remains unsolved because there may be a larger crime syndicate and a hit involved. 

    The younger son, Mark, wasn’t implicated in any way, but he ended up basically homeless. He’s just a teen, so he couldn’t remain alone in the apartment where his dad was killed. My wife and I took him in. At first, it was OK; he seemed like a sweet kid. But now he is making our lives miserable. It is pretty clear he is totally messed up, but he’s in denial about what is happening to his family. He just ignores everything we say. I can see that he’s lost and I want to help him, but he’s just not responding.

    He had some court-ordered counseling but he won’t go back. I don’t want to just throw him out but the stress is taking a toll on my health and my wife is always upset. I asked the rest of my wife’s family if we could have a meeting about Mark’s future. My messages went unanswered! Is denial in the family genes???

    I feel like I took a survivor from a shipwreck into my lifeboat and now he’s threatening to sink all of us. What am I supposed to do?

     – Survivor Sam

    Dr. B says: 

    A lot depends on Mark’s age and his current involvement with his mother and brother.  

    For younger kids in situations like this, intensive services might make a difference. Families like Mark’s may often have bipolar, learning disorders, personality disorders, and PTSD all in the genetic mix, so medications, structured programming and multiple services are needed, and any involvement from the family of origin tends to make these therapies impossible.  

    Anyone who cares for these younger kids needs to be able, willing or capable of providing/coordinating these resources. If they can’t, then turning a child over to DCYF is the best way to go. 

    In Mark’s case, you are looking at a different picture. It is very hard if not impossible to combat genetics and environmental influences past a certain age. It puts your own family at risk. Unless everyone is 100% committed it won’t work; and you need to be realistic about the probable poor outcome anyway no matter what the sacrifice you all make. If this kid is a teen or young adult it is far too late for you to make a difference.

    I’d turn Mark over to professional care – a group home, or rehab – whatever is most appropriate and relevant.

    C says:

    I have to say that although Dr. B’s advice is certainly the most sensible thing to do – survival of your own family should be your priority – it paints a very bleak picture. 

    Mark’s father is dead, his mother is nuts, and his brother is in jail. He has no coping skills and is screwing up the people around him so now his brother’s own family turns him over to “professionals.” It’s as if he’s been told “you’re too messed-up to be around decent people” and then sent to a holding center to live with other messed-up people. 

    What I’d like to know is how anyone could deal with that kind of shit storm, coping skills or not. It’s a no-win situation all around. 

    I don’t recommend allowing Mark to stay and destroy your home. He needs professional help. But I think it is super important that you tell him that you still love him and care very deeply what happens to him. He’ll act like he doesn’t care, but he does. Make sure to tell him that you will always be there for him. But most importantly, tell him that HE has to start fighting back.

    I feel for Mark too. He’s already lost his home, his family, and whatever innocence he had left. But also, don’t ever forget… he was raised by people who had no moral compass of their own, and his awareness was structured long before you took him in. Who knows what is hiding behind his sad, lost eyes? This isn’t your battle to fight.

    – Cathren Housley 

    You can visit Dr. B’s blog at drbrilliantcliche.wordpress.com