Save the Ice! (Lunchtime Quickie) Newly rebranded Dunkin, now without the Donuts, will enhance its stripped-back approach by dropping the ice from its range of iced coffees. Speaking from headquarters, Dunkin’s marketing manager, S. Presso, commented, “It’s been a success that really helps the bottom line; ice wastage is a big concern in the commercial […]
Indigenous People’s Day Let’s make no mistake about this. FUCK Columbus. He was, and ever will be, a murderer, a rapist and an enslaver, an unwashed pervert with baggy clothes and shit hair … but to actively celebrate this man, well ladies and gentlemen, that’s akin to cheering Hitler during Yom Kippur, or giving Ted […]
Beyond Belief Warning: This going to be a rant, so find a “safe space” to read it, and buckle your seat belt. When is someone going to shoot off the flare that alerts everyone to the fact that our President, Donald Pussy-grab, is certifiably delusional, erratic and basically barking mad on a day-to-day basis? This […]
The climate strike held at the State House was the first public and global protest that I attended since turning 18, legally an adult. And that shift changed my thought process and the way my brain wrapped itself around everything happening at the State House that day. What I realized, or I should say what […]
Brainwashing (and Drying) Last week, Rhode Islanders learned that the Democratic Party actively participates in the brainwashing of African-American communities. The revelation was brought to light by URI graduate and Trumpite Republican Candace Owens, who explained at a Rhode Island Young Republicans event that Democrats treat minorities “like puppies that need rescuing … they don’t […]
The Awful Tower Despite the protests of Phillipe and Jorge, the atrocious design of the Hope Point Tower has been approved by the I-95 Redevelopment Commission. This monstrosity that will be sited downtown next to the Providence River, on land that was supposed to preserved as a park, has been described by the developers as La […]
Don’t Be a Knob (Israel) Perpetual imperialist Israel is at it yet again. Last week, the nation’s prime minister, Benny Nuttyyahoo, announced plans to annex the West Bank should he survive the country’s upcoming election. The Anglo-Stalinist wet dream has spent the greater part of its existence tormenting their neighbors in the name of Yahweh, […]
We Give Up Due to the gap between when Phillipe and Jorge have to file our copy and when it comes out on the newsstands, we have almost given up on writing about our pathologically lying, infantile, racist president, Orange Orangutan. Anything projectile-vomited forward on a Friday by The Donald is bound to be overwhelmed […]
Introducing the CCCP (Cranston Children Communist Party) As the public schools crisis continues to grip the state, the children of Rhode Island have taken matters into their own hands. On September 2, a pre-organized underground mob of 1,500 fourth graders stormed school buildings across Rhody and declared a coup in the name of communism and […]
Hail and Farewell Phillipe and Jorge are not yet about to bury our old pal Bill Reynolds, The Urinal’s reigning top sports columnist and author of many books, but are sad to see that he will now only be doing his Saturday “For What It’s Worth” pieces. For any fan of the Sweaty Sciences, these […]