Sex Q&A for October: How can I get it tighter without surgery?

Dear Dr. Brilliant Cliché,
How can one measure the looseness or tightness of their vagina?? I have a fear that I am loose. How can I get it tighter without surgery?
Miss Fit

Dear Fit,
As a therapist I always have to ask what provokes a question. If you have been told you are “too loose,” and in an insensitive manner, this is probably a symptom of a much larger problem. There is rarely such a thing as being “too loose” if you’re in good health, reasonably fit, and have not yet had children. If your partner has cited this as a flaw, it could it be his size, not yours. Of course, after giving birth there can be another story.

The vagina is made to expand and accommodate, but after delivery it can often use some help getting back into shape. There are simple exercises for the pubococcygeal muscle which supports the pelvic viscera. I will let Granny explain how they work, since, lacking a vagina, I’ve never actually done them. There are additional perks in training this muscle. Contracting it during intercourse will give your partner a nice surprise. However, as with all body building, don’t go crazy with it. A snug fit is great but too much of a good thing can be problematic. I once dated a woman/who could crack a vibrator with her vagina. This made sex with her a little bit scary — she had to be careful not to inflict permanent damage.

There are other issues to watch for in good vaginal health. Lubrication and elasticity are functions of estrogen, so.pain during intercourse is a sign there might be an imbalance. Some women complain of quite the opposite of your question. They feel so “tight” that intercourse is painful. This could be from fear, anxiety or bad technique, because the vagina will accommodate anything to the size of a baby.

A sex therapist might be helpful for you.

Dr. Brilliant Cliché

Granny says: The exercise that Dr. Brilliant speaks of is called a kegel and I got quite an education when I took natural childbirth classes. First, you need to locate the muscles in question. Here’s how: the next time you are peeing, clench and cut the urine off midstream. Congratulations! You’ve done a kegel! This exercise is best done lying on your back. To begin, tighten those pelvic floor muscles, hold for five seconds, and then relax for five seconds. Work
up to keeping the muscles contracted for 10 seconds at a time, then relaxing for 10 seconds between contractions. Don’t hold your breath! What you want to aim for is three sets of 10 repetitions per day. Be consistent!

Does it work? Yes, it does. And Granny can testify personally about that “surprise your partner” thing. The first time you give this little “handshake” to a guy, he usually freaks out. If you want to have some fun with him, pretend you don’t know what he’s talking about.

Here’s the practical truth: If you continue a kegel clench off and on during intercourse, the size of your vagina is irrelevant; the effect is dynamite. I’ve applied the clench method when I was with a guy who had a rather small organ; it seems to level the playing field on both ends. Another plus is that tightening your vaginal muscles during orgasm actually intensifies the sensation and can open the door to those “multiple orgasms” most people only read about in porn mags. I recommend this technique for every woman. You’re welcome, men.

A final note: There is no standard size you can apply to sexual organs; they are what they are. Comparing yourself is the road to madness. The idea is to find a partner who appreciates YOU.

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