Squid’s Ink: April Fuels Edition
Has there ever been such a month? Our hackers unearthed a trove of so much chaos, we scarcely know where to begin. In response to the war in Ukraine, famed Cranston restaurant Twin Oaks has removed Russian dressing from the menu. “We want to do everything we can to help,” said Chef Ima Freud. “Besides, […]
Squid’s Ink: Merger Mania
Whether it’s the approved sale of Narragansett Electric/National Grid to PPL or the disallowed merger of Lifespan/Care New England (Spanker), corporate acquisition is in the news. Our research-bots found a few other changes on the horizon… · The Rhode Island General Assembly was for sale, but was taken off the market. The asking price per […]
The Squid’s Ink: Huger Health Care?
Yes, it seems like the Lifespan/Care New England merger deal was rejected by both Attorney General Peter Neronha and the Federal Trade Commission. But our hackers found documents indicating that plans remain in place… This story and analysis came up through back channels and was written with repressed bile and intestinal fortitude… “There is always […]
Squid’s Ink: Our Funny Valentines
St. Valentine was beaten to death and decapitated on February 14, so it’s no surprise that our hackers found some interesting gifts when we hacked the Hallmark Delivery Database… Despite hiring her replacement, Governor Dan McKee sent former RI Department of Health Director Dr. Nicole Alexander-Scott a “Baby Come Back” strip-o-gram! The order specified that […]
Squid’s Ink: Fundemic! by Hasbro!
Our intrepid hackers found a back door into the US DOH Procurement system, and were thrilled to find Rhode Island’s favorite siblings have begun working closely with the US Department of Health and the CDC… From: Ima Loon (they/them), Team Leader, Hasbro Game Simulations To: Yoowanna Laff, Lead Obsfucator, Center for Disease Control Office of […]
Squid’s Ink: New Year’s Dissolutions
This month, we hacked Peloton. Yes, they killed Big on purpose, but it turns out that they also had a secret cache of New Year’s Resolutions from prominent people and organizations… National and International Pledges President Joe Biden vows to live through the year. Former President and current scumbag Donald Trump vows to bilk as […]
Squid’s Ink: The CVS COVID Bonus Edition
NOTE: This IS not misinformation… The Squid’s Ink is Satire. If you think we shouldn’t make fun of pandemics, politicians or the medical industrial complex, then don’t read this memo we intercepted…. From: The Board, Staff and Stockholders of CVS To: Governor Daniel McKee Subject: Holiday Testing Spree Dear Governor McKee, Thank you so much […]
Do Your Job: And Get Paid for It!
Buying votes might be illegal, but Rhode Island’s politicians have a long tradition of innovative and expensive ways to ensure loyalty: Offer a group of state or local employees a raise or a better contract, with the expectation they’ll be grateful. Remember Buddy Cianci’s Cost of Living Pension Blowout? It’s the gift that keeps on […]
Squid’s Ink Holiday Gift Guide: Not that we’re being greedy…
This month, since we were already on the naughty list, we hacked Santa’s database and discovered what some of our public officials and institutions are asking for this Christmas… Gifts for the Politicians Buddy Cianci wants another comeback. He’s thinking Governor again this time, figuring he couldn’t be any deader than Dan McKee. US House […]
Once in a Generation Dollars: Let’s Make a Deal
Welcome to The Squid’s Ink: we print Rhode Island’s dark and humorous truth Since 2020, the Rhode Island state government has been sitting on the so-called “once in a generation” $1.2 Billion Dollars of federal funds. “We’re so used to having lobbyists tell us what to do that we kind of forgot how to think […]