Dear Fellow Corruptioneers:
I know some of you would rather be called corruptionistas or corruptologists, but we’ll continue that debate later. Today, unfortunately, I have more important things to discuss.
This may come as a shock, coming from the head of a pro-corruption organization, but I’m going to be brutally honest with you. Actually, I have always been pretty honest with all of you. I’ve saved most of my dishonesty for the general public where I admit to bending the truth a wee bit on occasion, or sometimes maybe a wee wee wee wee wee wee bit.
Before I go on, please keep this memo to yourself. The last thing we need is for it to be made public. Our job is to hypnotize and manipulate the public, like magicians, and the last thing we need are any curtains drawn open that expose our secrets.
After much careful thought, I have come to the conclusion that we are better off not trying to claim that this virus is a hoax perpetrated by the Democrats or media just to get rid of our hero, Donald Trump. While most of us may not have been stupid enough to actually believe this, I have always preached that we must take care when defending things or making accusations of not hurting our credibility where we sound so ridiculous that we’re not taken seriously. After all, that credibility is important when advocating for corruption and in convincing people why corruption is necessary, inevitable and, despite what some may see as some negatives, a positive force for so many people, our state and country.
Let me be clear about one thing: It’s never been our role to judge whether people who support Donald Trump or our efforts do so because they are severely mentally challenged in some way, or smart enough to realize the benefits that waste, abuse and corruption provide to so many. The bottom line is that both groups are important to our efforts. Those who fall into the later group are smart enough to know that they sometimes have to endure being seen as stupid or some combination of morally, ethically or legally challenged to effectively support our cause, up to a point. That point comes when their arguments are seen as so absurd that they lose any effectiveness and work against us. It comes when those making them risk not only losing their reputations, but their ability to be seen as a normally functioning human free of any brain damage, and not part of some nefarious cult or on some insidious form of hallucinogens. I regret to inform you that point may be now.
Our Appreciation for Donald Trump
I just can’t say enough good things about President Trump. Think about it. We were able to elect someone who is: 1) hardly ever truthful and at best a bullshit artist who can never be trusted, 2) the equivalent of a 5-year-old, 3) mentally deranged or at least challenged, 4) a master bully, 5) an overall scumbag and piece of shit, 6) a narcissist, sociopath, psychopath and probably other paths I’m not aware of, 7) abuser of women, 8) food consumption deviant, 9) con man and criminal, 10) hypocrite, 11) racist, 12) lacking any empathy and the ability to care, 13) lacking in ethics, morality and positive values, 14) lacking the ability to be funny, other than when he’s trying to be serious. I forgot one: a proud grabber of pussy and someone not afraid to admit how much he enjoyed entering locker rooms to ogle naked beauty pageant contestants. I just realized that given how long this message is going to be, I could have saved space by instead just stating what many might consider his redeeming qualities, which would be zero, unless you count his not ever subjecting the public to naked selfies of himself.
We elected someone whose actions can best be predicted by asking what would Putin want, or what would Bart, Stewie, Beavis, Butthead and the oft forgotten Dennis (the Menace) say or do. The best part was that he has been carrying out all these great principles throughout his first tenure and despite the attempted failed scheme by the Democrats and media to impeach him, was well on his way to re-election.
Note that while we will defend Trump from false attacks, we don’t back off from a true depiction of his history and record. He is one of the most corrupt politicians and despicable people ever elected, and we couldn’t be prouder.
Our one main criticism of Trump has been his blatant honesty. The irony is that he has been one of our most honest politicians, given the fact that he proudly carries out his dishonesty, scumminess, juvenile behavior, support of the politically connected and well off and disdain for those in need or not white. He rarely attempts to hide it, unlike the Democrats who pretend to care for the poor and needy while continually hurting them with their own brand of corruption, by condoning members whose primary objective is to line their own pockets and those of their friends, family and political allies, as much as possible, with little care for the damage to those they claim to be trying to help. (See Rhode Island and similarly Democratic Party controlled states).
Our concern is the ability to figure out just how far our supporters are willing to go to support corruption and reap the benefits of a corrupt society. We are indebted to Trump for not just raising the bar, but obliterating it, to the extent that almost any criticism of him and his supporters is met with nothing but hearty guffaws and eye rolling. It’s the old been there, done that, who cares response that is so important to our cause.
Our problem is when our corrupt politicians go so overboard that they become ridiculed or get thrown out of office or jailed, taking lots of good people with them. Their supporters start to feel like idiots or criminals for supporting them, and even if still supportive, are terrified to state so publicly.
With that said, our one wish was that he would tone things down a bit – that he would be like other politicians and at least pretend that sometimes he cares about others or their problems, can be honest about something other than how corrupt he is, acts like an adult (if even a young adult) and has an at least a somewhat functioning brain or was at least somewhat competent.
The Cost of Corruption
The cost of corruption has often been an issue our clueless opponents occasionally bring up, or that even some of our supporters periodically question. Ordinarily it’s been easy to dismiss due to the incompetence of those opponents to make it stick, people who just don’t care or are too stupid to care, and ease of convincing people that despite any negatives, the positives for their lives far outweigh any damage being done.
Corruption is built on the fact that it’s basic human nature to care about your interests and the interests of those close to you, and not give a rat’s ass how much others are hurt by it. Of course, in some people’s defense, it just may be that they are too ignorant to realize there is often a negative impact to some. The last thing we want is anyone thinking or caring about that cost.
So what happens when the cost of corruption becomes so front and center that the ignorant can no longer ignore it or the non-caring start to feel personally threatened and actually start to care about others? What happens when people feel they are living out the scariest science fiction movie possible (that doesn’t include giant alien monsters who squash people like bugs)? What happens when your supporters create a world where people could die or suffer just by touching the wrong thing or being near the wrong person? What happens when, if you try hard enough, a case could be made that our beloved president is responsible for much of this by not dealing with it responsibly, and the blame for the tens of thousands dead, millions sick or suffering in some way, and destruction of our country can be laid squarely at his feet and the feet of those who have supported or enabled him?
I said I was going to be brutally honest with you so I won’t beat around the bush. We fucking panic. We don’t necessarily throw in the towel, but we need to think things out. We need to strategize and we need to stay together. Our way of life is at stake.
The first step is we need to face reality. Actually two realities: 1. It may be easy to hold Trump responsible since it’s apparent he failed to realize the scope of the problem or willfully ignored it, and recognize the need to drop all the corruption and deviant behavioral bullshit that got him where he is and made him such a success, in lieu of dealing with the serious problem at hand. You might be able to argue that the lack of honesty and abundance of stupidity combined with clearly putting his political interests before the country’s interests for so long led to delays and massive, unnecessary damage, which could be measured in part by dead bodies and financial hardship. It could be tough to argue that these types of mistakes would be expected of any politician in these circumstances, especially if they were not by nature one of the biggest pieces of shit on the planet or a certifiable lunatic. 2. It could be argued that those who supported or are still supporting Trump are either the dumbest motherfuckers on the planet too stupid to understand why he should be held responsible, or criminals guilty of at least negligence and maybe manslaughter. Or that Trump supporters should be considered a subspecies of the human race, with limited brain capacity and at best, the intelligence of a chimpanzee (or maybe even a goldfish). Or treated the same way as someone claiming the Holocaust never happened, the Earth is flat, the moon is made of green or some other flavor of cheese, Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny are potential carriers of the virus and should be quarantined and tested, Jethro Tull deserved the Grammy for best heavy metal band or Al Capone would have made a great president. It could be asked what sane person would want to have any type of conversation or business or personal relationship with such people, especially where judgment was concerned.
The other reality is there is some good news to minimize the impact of this.
1. Right now at least, despite everything, 40% still support or approve of Trump, and Biden only has a small lead. Hopefully, enough of those people are at least intelligent enough to know how to vote, especially if they have to write something.
2. You can’t just vote against people, you have to vote for someone or sit out. In this case the only someone belongs to the Democratic Party. This is the party that continues to run a campaign message stating: “Why vote for the last person you would want near the White House when you can vote for the second to last one?” This is the party that calls Trump every name in the book, but keeps giving people a reason to vote for him. The best they could come up with is a candidate who has to be reminded about where he is, what office he’s running for, who he is and probably at some point, what species he is, in addition to having a history of pawing and maybe assaulting women and a son who represents the party’s own brand of corruption, consisting of members using political connections to further their own wealth. I mean what’s their real message? We may suck, but we’re not as bad?
3. Trump won last time in part because of Democrats refusing to vote for Hillary. Many will not likely vote for Biden either. Despite acting righteous and talking a good game all the time about wanting to help those in need, they will likely continue acting like many self-centered Democrats and politicians by not giving a shit about the carnage caused by their past and future actions.
I hope this raised your spirits a bit. We should assume there are many beyond these numbers who will still support Trump, and they are just smart enough to keep their mouths shut. Trump could still win. So what’s our strategy? For now, let’s continue supporting Trump without causing ourselves too much embarrassment, but be prepared if things start to go south. Let’s protect those who bravely and selflessly continue supporting him no matter what it may cost them politically or personally, especially right wing commentators so willing to be seen as lacking in morals or intelligence, and especially our Republican allies who have been more than willing to be exposed as a full-fledged crime syndicate in support of our cause.
Some Talking Point Suggestions
Basically, we want to try some of the same techniques that have been successful up until now
- IMPORTANT NOTICE: I would strong advise dropping the “This is all a hoax perpetrated by the Democrats” bit. I mean, seriously.
- When people throw out articles depicting why Trump’s corruption, negligence and incompetence since the beginning should be blamed for the extent of death and destruction suffered by our country due to the coronavirus, such as: here or here or here or there or there or here or over there, or here or oh yeah here, and finally here (or actually just about everywhere), just remember two words: fake news. Who actually believes anything they read in newspapers?
- Go for sympathy. Make the case that Trump was so rattled by such unexpected events that it’s no wonder and totally forgivable that he completely forgot to put the politics, stupidity and dishonesty aside and act in the country’s interest. It’s no wonder he forgot to act like he cared. It was especially tough on him since none of this was in his nature and he’s just not a good actor. Throw in the fact that he’s facing this while having given up his salary, and it’s easy to paint him as a true patriot.
- Remind people of how relatively honest Trump has been about his scumbagginess and all the good things he has done, including setting the example for all students that anyone can grow up to be president, even juvenile delinquents. To help with this, we have our top creative writing team working on a list of other accomplishments that we will get to you shortly.
- Blame the media when they criticize Trump for claiming this was all a hoax and nothing to worry about, for being too clueless to understand kidding or sarcasm, or what a sense of humor is. What, does it have to be laid out for them?
- Blame everyone else since there is so much blame to go around. Blame the governors and other local politicians who everyone usually hates, organizations like the WHO, CDC, Boy Scouts and Disney World, blame the media, Internet and TV, blame Bill Gates, who has a past history of spreading massive destructive viruses across the world and should be investigated, blame comic book publishers who put the ridiculous idea in people’s heads that a Lex Luthor could be elected president. With billions of people throughout the world, blame any one of them, especially the Russians, Chinese or the Scottish (who knows what they are spreading around in those skirts blowing bagpipes).
- Blame the Democrats who started this by encouraging people to vote for Trump due to their own brand of corruption. Remind Sanders supporters about how those evil Democrats viciously kept the nomination away from him and the need to pay them back by staying home, despite how much death and destruction it caused and might cause in the future. Push the revenge is best served politically concept.
- Play the common sense card. Most agree politics, like most activities in life, will always be corrupt because it always involves imperfect people. It’s always going to be a matter of having to choose the lesser of two evils and determining where you draw the line. Corruption is always going to be necessary and often a key to success. Would you really prefer someone who pledges to tell the absolute truth at all times, no matter what the cost, when the only thing more likely to get you in trouble for lying is telling the truth? Are you really going to worry about who is more or less corrupt, rather than who is more likely to get what you want and get things done? We know that bad character is often necessary for success in all matters of life and often leads to greatness. (Watch any rock ‘n’ roll documentary, Dr. Phil or d’Oprah). When it comes to bad character, Trump is certainly an undisputed champion. Sure he put the complete package together and took things up a notch or 10, but what politician hasn’t committed at some point what many accuse him of doing. Who doesn’t lie in politics or isn’t hypocritical? Okay, maybe not ogling naked beauty pageant contestants in their locker room, but then who else has had the opportunity to do that?
- Remind people what a good Christian Trump has been, often encouraging people to be like Jesus, go to church and follow the 10 suggestions.
I hope that helps. The truth is it may be of no use at all. Many Republicans and right wing cowards are already turning on Trump. Apparently there’s only so much lack of self-respect, self esteem and credibility loss people with IQs in the double digits can be expected to endure. Unfortunately, their cowardice may leave us no choice but to follow suit.
So it is with deep regret to have to say: If things get so bad where it looks like we could lose everything, we’ll just come clean. We need to protect all of you so we can continue this fight. We will resort to Plan B, or maybe C: Thank Donald Trump for all he’s done, and throw him under the bus. We’ll just claim that all the death and destruction is not the result of normal everyday corruption, but what happens when you overlook caution and elect a certified lunatic or 5-year-old to run the country. We can even thank Trump and his supporters for providing a valuable teaching moment regarding what would happen if you put a madman in charge of the country, something we would never have known. Our spin: It’s not that corruption is bad, just that maybe a little more vetting is necessary as to who we want carrying it out. And we will be sure to support that and hopefully reduce the damage and body count to more acceptable levels.
As I’ve always reminded people, we have and can always work with the Democrats. Just look at our home state of Rhode Island. While benefits may be lower, if you play the corruption game right, not necessarily lower by much. And nationally, it will only be a matter of time before they continue their history of giving people a reason to vote for the opposition, and we’ll get our party back in charge and continue trying to screw up this country in a way that benefits so many. They give no indication of recognizing that the only thing worse than electing people who are (fill in every Trump attribute mentioned up top) is the party the keeps giving people a reason to vote for them.
Meanwhile, while we have plenty of loyal support in Rhode Island, let’s be sure that those opposing corruption or thinking about switching sides don’t smarten up by making ending corruption a key element when discussing the new normal. Ignore any bullshit about needing to deal with the underlying causes of problems. Let’s focus the new normal on avoiding sneezing and coughing on people’s faces, and forbidding hugs since many have serious back issues. Let’s focus on teaching people to use the Vulcan salute to replace hand shaking. Let’s also hope that all of this doesn’t interfere with our receiving our 501-C3 status.
Be confident that with all this behind us in the next couple of years, if we play our cards right, there will be nothing but good times ahead. Don’t back down. Hold your head high and shout off the rooftops every day: Corruption rules. While you may have doubts from time to time, you’ll continue believing it, and strengthening your resolve to ensure everyone else does as well. And as many have stated or shown during this crisis, who cares if we lose a few people along the way, politically or physically, as long as others benefit and we keep the body count down to acceptable levels. If we do that, we’ll be fine, and our state and country will be fine. As long as good people continue to be or look like dumb shits and look the other way, it will be, to steal from the not the World Health Organization version of the Who “meet the new normal, same as the old normal.”
Thank you for your continued service and loyalty. Remember, we are all in this together.
Americo Dekay, Director
Corruption Rules, Inc.