The nation’s capital descended into its fourth straight week of protests. The outcry started in the first week of November, when the emperor refuted a claim he had purchased a brand new wardrobe made of the finest Parisian silks. In a follow-up press conference the following morning, his Majesty asserted, “I’m always naked from the […]
I’m a teacher in Providence, and since the beginning of this pandemic I’ve been asked by the Rhode Island Department of Health to quarantine twice. Once in July, the same day my name was mentioned to a contact tracer, and a second time the first week of school this year, two days after contact. Not […]
As the debate about removing “and Providence Plantations” from the official state name rages across Rhode Island, the most common rebuttal to the claim that the phrase evokes the horrors of slavery is “slavery never came to Rhode Island.” Au, contraire: Rhode Island was unquestionably built on the backs of slaves and profits from the […]
Excited about the upcoming re-election of Donald Trump? Don’t believe those polls; they all have a liberal bias against our Supreme Leader. The rank and file still vote for Trump because they are smart enough to know that he’s what this country needs regardless of Beltway gossip. I know what people are hearing out there: […]
As Tears Go By If there is one thing about the presidential elections in the United States that sets Phillipe and Jorge off like Fourth of July fireworks, it is the fact that today, barely over 50% of our eligible voters have actually voted in our presidential elections. At best this is maddeningly selfish and […]
Shit My Bishop Says Roll over Jesus. There’s a new messiah on mundi. The true Messiah was born on April 1, 1948, in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. He alone holds the keys to the kingdom of Heaven with a big brain full of his Christian alt facts. Known by many names, His earthly name of Thomas Joseph […]
We Told You So Just as Phillipe and Jorge went to press, we learned that President Walking Eagle (he’s so full of shit he can’t fly) and his First Lady, Melorderbride, have tested positive for the coronavirus. Gosh, we immediately put on black snoods and worried our prayer beads. Walking Eagle has since flown to […]
Everything You Wanted to Know About the Electorate (But Were Afraid to Ask) Doomers: “I didn’t vote because Rhode Island was going blue anyway. You want to make a difference? Move to Florida, man. And I can’t do that.” Republican Voters of Any Age: “I enjoy setting fire to other people’s pets. And you can’t […]
As director of Corruption Rules, I can’t tell you how excited we are about the upcoming re-election of our dear leader, President Trump. Despite his apathy toward more than 200,000 COVID deaths, recent polls show him well over 40% approval and trailing Biden by less than 10% in the general election, well on his way […]
Donald Trump – the President of the United States, the Commander-in-Chief, the leader of the free world – is hospitalized with a life-threatening medical condition. COVID-19 has killed well over 200,000 Americans, with a case-fatality rate over 3% for those exhibiting symptoms. For patients of similar age, weight and sex as the President, a 74-year-old […]