We Told You So Just as Phillipe and Jorge went to press, we learned that President Walking Eagle (he’s so full of shit he can’t fly) and his First Lady, Melorderbride, have tested positive for the coronavirus. Gosh, we immediately put on black snoods and worried our prayer beads. Walking Eagle has since flown to […]
Everything You Wanted to Know About the Electorate (But Were Afraid to Ask) Doomers: “I didn’t vote because Rhode Island was going blue anyway. You want to make a difference? Move to Florida, man. And I can’t do that.” Republican Voters of Any Age: “I enjoy setting fire to other people’s pets. And you can’t […]
As director of Corruption Rules, I can’t tell you how excited we are about the upcoming re-election of our dear leader, President Trump. Despite his apathy toward more than 200,000 COVID deaths, recent polls show him well over 40% approval and trailing Biden by less than 10% in the general election, well on his way […]
Donald Trump – the President of the United States, the Commander-in-Chief, the leader of the free world – is hospitalized with a life-threatening medical condition. COVID-19 has killed well over 200,000 Americans, with a case-fatality rate over 3% for those exhibiting symptoms. For patients of similar age, weight and sex as the President, a 74-year-old […]
Donald Trump, in his capacity as president, has spent now 10 months ignoring expert public health advice, opposing basic safety measures such as wearing protective face coverings and opposing curtailing risky commercial operations such as dine-in restaurants and bars. On April 3, he criticized the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) for recommending […]
Professional Drinking in the Time of COVID-19 Phillipe and Jorge are glad to see Governor Gigi “Knock it Off” Raimondo continuing to take tough stances on people and businesses from saloons to schools that are not engaging in best practices to thwart the eruption of more cases of COVID-19. The one that has attracted a […]
Trick eTreat With the likelihood of the COVID-19 pandemic continuing through the winter, Governor Gina Raimondo has announced that trick-or-treating will be prohibited this Halloween. But the noted lover-of-children has a trick up her sleeve. Kids of the Ocean State can pester their neighbors for protection candy through Zoom video conferences. Their targets will be […]
It may seem strange to thank a virus that has killed more than 180,000 and hurt millions more. We admit not many are happy with it, except for companies and individuals making good, exorbitant loot from COVID-19, and the Democrats and Chinese who conspired to develop the virus to remove Donald Trump from office. But […]
Clean Politics Marty the Stop and Shop cleaning robot (Store #0723, Metacom Ave, Bristol) has declared his intention to run in the Presidential election this autumn. “My job is to clean up messes,” said Marty in his campaign announcement. “And the Oval Office is the ultimate in clean-up jobs. If I had been around in […]
Out-thunk During the COVID pandemic, no governor has surpassed Gina Raimondo or New York’s Andrew Cuomo in carrying out hard-assed plans. We are all familiar with Gigi’s now-famous “Knock it off,” and Cuomo seems to take some of his better moves from Raimondo’s playbook. Cuomo is also far from shy. In a recent article, one […]